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  1. defiance

    what are your mornings like?

    My mornings are always the same, they are soul crushingly painful. When I wake up, I am greeted by fear, anxiety, depression, and a strong urge to want to kill myself. I have tried many routines over the years to change this but I just can't get out of this jam. About 2 hours after I have...
  2. defiance

    Can't think of a title

    I remember a time when nothing could get to me because I was always calm and relaxed. It was probably my defining quality. But man ever since the mental breakdown started happening, it's been over ten years now, I have been losing my defining quality. Now it is completely gone and I have...
  3. defiance

    will it ever get better?

    Years of anxiety and depression coupled with suicidal thoughts that are getting stronger with each passing day. I'm angry, scared,sad,and shaking as I am writing this. Just had a fallout with the man I am biologically related to, I refuse to use the D word to refer to him as he isn't worth it...
  4. defiance

    If you had a choice

    I for one wish I was never born. It's a thought that goes through my mind all the time because I am always miserable and hate the fact that I let people around me down. But what if you had a say in the matter. Knowing how your life was going to turn out up to this very moment in time, would...
  5. defiance

    Post what you cannot say

    I fuc*ing despise you and all that you stand for. You should never have been born you misery bringing piece of sh*t. But of course i have to deal with it because i always have to deal with it. It makes me sick to know you.
  6. defiance

    Post what you cannot say

    I'm sorry. Life is just a waste of time and energy for me. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I want out. It's not your fault really it isn't. I just genuinely don't like life and am miserable and anxious all the time. So don't blame yourself when I decide it's time for me to go.
  7. defiance

    my current struggle

    This post is going to be a bit weird for me to write but it is one that is constantly on my mind. If anyone has read some of my previous posts you'll know I struggle with anxiety,depression, and suicidal thoughts almost on a daily basis. Lately I have been feeling that if it weren't for my...
  8. defiance

    3rd person perspective

    Anyone else feel as if you are just watching your life pass you by? Like with me I feel as if I am watching myself on the screen yelling at every second to change this and change that, but the message never reaches home. Kind of like when some people watch a horror movie and yell *DON'T GO IN...
  9. defiance

    A song that resonates with me.

    Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep I'm tired and I I want to go to bed Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep And then leave me alone Don't try to wake me in the morning 'Cause I will be gone Don't feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go Sing me to...
  10. defiance

    Post what you cannot say

    You think I'm selfish for having suicidal thoughts? Aren't you being selfish for wanting me to stay when you aren't the one living in this misery called my existence? If the day comes where I no longer can take this level of torment, don't tell me I was selfish for deciding to end it.
  11. defiance

    Just so miserable

    Where to begin. I'll just come out and say it. I am a complete wreck. I mean I don't know what to do with myself. From the moment I wake up I am, simply put, beyond miserable. Always anxious and depressed and suicidal. My issues have kept me from doing the simplest of tasks. I can't work...