Screw neurotypical! Be proud of what you are!

Hello everyone! How are things today?

Want to share these thoughts... Because this site can be so negative sometimes (not blaming anyone... I admit that our reality can often be very negative..)
I mean, I think that you can still be alright. You can be positive. Even if you have social phobia. I really think so. More: you don't have to feel guilty for how you are. Be comfortable! Be proud! Be present! Make the best out of it!

I've been surfing the net and reading today, mostly. I've engaged in one social situation and I had anxiety and behaved avoidant. I had a phone call and got the squeeky voice when I answered. I haven't hung out with friends for a long time. And guess what? Its not a tragedy. I'm not a loser. My life is not a pain. Or anything. Everyone has some issues and everyone does what s/he can. Noone can judge you. And I am happy.

So that's what I wanted to say. G'night to you! Cheer up if you will, life is good!

Hello everybody,

this is Tryin, Linda or Sue speaking (not cuckoo, just loadsa online nicknames). I used to frequent this site heavily some two years back. That was when I was a miserable teenager.

Now I am a (miserable, decidedly) young woman, I study special pedagogy and I do a lot of thinking and writing about neurodiversity, connecting my social phobia and other psychological differences to my personal politics/polices and what I do.

I'd just like to take a lookaround at how this site has changed over those years. (It used to be very useful, back when I relied on it.)

I am also writing this to revive this thread I tried to start many months ago. Nobody answered, then. Maybe now there is someone who feels their SP as a way of being rather than a tragedy? I'd very much like to see any thoughts about n-diversity and living with psych. difference.

Loving you
T.

you really think your life is not painful? you said you dont have friends and stuff like that ... i dont believe... ,i actually do ,i just wanna try to have an opinion ,lol

lettypagb said:

you really think your life is not painful? you said you dont have friends and stuff like that ... i dont believe... ,i actually do ,i just wanna try to have an opinion ,lol

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Thank you for writing, lettypagb.
"Friends" is a difficult word. While my problems (besides social phobia, which is self-diagnosed, I have depersonalization disorder, which probably affects me more) do make it hard to connect with people, I am befriended with a few people with whom I am close and whom I love (well, I recently moved to another state, so I no longer see my three friends regularly, and I am currently living quite friendlessly and I don't see a problem in that).
My life is painful. Of course. That is just how life is.
But it is also other things, arright? Like, interesting, important, full, challenging, bizzare, fun, slow, peaceful. SP is a disability. But we are people, not lists of abilities. There's more to life than just pain.
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I like what you are trying to do... but I just can't be happy and proud. I am in literally constantly in physical pain because of this. Idk what to do anymore. I am not sure if I can even finish college.

hayashi said:

I like what you are trying to do... but I just can't be happy and proud. I am in literally constantly in physical pain because of this. Idk what to do anymore. I am not sure if I can even finish college.

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Thank you for your response, hayashi. I understand what you wrote. Yeah, anxiety and panic attacks are really... challenging... really, there's no positive word to use, just so... pervasively... disabling, so... hurting.
College - me, too. I hope to finish it, but I can never know when the depression and attacks hit me big time, and then it's a struggle to even stay functioning in any form, not mentioning concentrating on study or work or career.
But it still can be done, SP can be lived with. We got to make the most of it, right? Adolescency and the twenties are the hardest, then I guess it gets easier.

The big difference is how long you've been like this. I'm guessing that you, like me, have never had a social life. The people for whom social phobia was a sudden loss of everything they valued will have a much harder time ever accepting it.

I agree it doesn't have to be a tragedy, and that living in mourning for yourself is pointless. I accept that everyone has their problems and life goes on. When I stop thinking about how other people live, I can often like my atypical life. These beliefs are my privilege for having a consistent life to work with, always broken in the same way, and for my exceptional avoidance skills. Most social phobics aren't so lucky.

Tryin said:

Adolescency and the twenties are the hardest, then I guess it gets easier.

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My personal experience doesn't represent anyone else's, but up through high school was the hardest. College was much easier. Since then has been easier yet.

I don't see anything positive with having social anxiety. Having all of them, I consider both social anxiety, OCD and depression as diseases.

I'm happy happy happy!

How can you just accept such a condition!! Shouldn't you be constantly trying to become more sociable, etc! I have severe SA, right now i can't even walk into the kitchen where all my flatmates are hanging out because the thought scares me sooo much, how can i just accept this and be happy with it. It's an embarrassing situation and i too can't see how i'm going to finish college :/

madmike said:

How can you just accept such a condition!! Shouldn't you be constantly trying to become more sociable, etc! I have severe SA, right now i can't even walk into the kitchen where all my flatmates are hanging out because the thought scares me sooo much, how can i just accept this and be happy with it. It's an embarrassing situation and i too can't see how i'm going to finish college :/

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It helps if you think of all those whose lives are so much worse than yours.
Yes, SA is bad, and yes it can ruin your life...but only if you let it.

It can always get worse so suck it up and be grateful for the good things, no matter how they may be outweighed by bad.

happy happy happy :wink:

coriander1992 said:

It helps if you think of all those whose lives are so much worse than yours.
Yes, SA is bad, and yes it can ruin your life...but only if you let it.

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How much you "let" the social anxiety ruin your life is besides the point, as it is just as hard to interact with people when you actually want to interact with them.

madmike said:

I have severe SA, right now i can't even walk into the kitchen where all my flatmates are hanging out because the thought scares me sooo much, how can i just accept this and be happy with it.

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There's the problem which makes it unlivable for you: you have flatmates. Even social people hate having flatmates. Since I live alone in a little bubble, however, my typical day isn't stressful at all.

Shouldn't you be constantly trying to become more sociable, etc!

That way lies constant stress, constant frustration, constant humiliation, constant failure. Given the choice, I prefer a dull unsatisfactory comfort over torture.