Tab
Well-known member
So my classes start in September but I have to register for my courses in two days. I keep putting it off and off to look up the courses I want to take. I have to choose five courses but I know of 1 for sure. I've been taking Russian for the last 2 years and the professor is great and everything and she told us if we were continuing to the next year we should review over the summer. Well here we are in July and I haven't looked at any of it since March. Every time I think of looking at the book I feel sick. I can't describe the feeling. Any time I think of any thing I have to do for school I feel that way. I keep putting it off, I'm very big on procrastinating. Tomorrow I'm going to see some woman who helps me pick my courses. I don't want to get up early in the morning though, thats my main concern. It will be the first time in a while I have stepped foot onto that campus and each time I go there it reminds me of how much I hate it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I HATE going there. The only reason I keep at it is for my future, thats if I have one.
On a typical day I don't say anything to anyone and no one says anything to me. Everyday is the same thing. Me by myself, I see everyone else enjoying themselves talking with everyone else. I hate it. I remember last summer I thought maybe this year would be different from the last but it was even worse. This summer I don't dare think of anything good that might come out of me going back. I'm half way done and if I can pull off this year theres only one year left. After that I don't know what I'm going to do. What can you do with a Bachelor of Arts degree now a days?
Anyway, I'm dreading the fall and school and all that. No friends, no support, no fun, no nothing. Its only me. I wonder some times what a normal person who doesn't have SA would be like in my position, if they would be able to actually go to classes and try to do their best.
I've got nothing to look forward to. I'm trying to quit smoking but that failed today after 3 days. Once I go back to school I know I'm going to start drinking again. I can control it, it doesn't interfere with my daily life so its not really a problem (I usually drink late at night) I'm just thinking about how its not good for my health. But for the most part I have no life, no hobbies, no social life other than my 2 cousins which I am starting to get tired of. I need something.
Any comments would be nice, just don't tell me I should see a councilor cuz I'm not going to do that. I just wanted to tell my situation to someone who can relate or listen or know how I feel because theres no way I can tell these things to the people around me.
On a typical day I don't say anything to anyone and no one says anything to me. Everyday is the same thing. Me by myself, I see everyone else enjoying themselves talking with everyone else. I hate it. I remember last summer I thought maybe this year would be different from the last but it was even worse. This summer I don't dare think of anything good that might come out of me going back. I'm half way done and if I can pull off this year theres only one year left. After that I don't know what I'm going to do. What can you do with a Bachelor of Arts degree now a days?
Anyway, I'm dreading the fall and school and all that. No friends, no support, no fun, no nothing. Its only me. I wonder some times what a normal person who doesn't have SA would be like in my position, if they would be able to actually go to classes and try to do their best.
I've got nothing to look forward to. I'm trying to quit smoking but that failed today after 3 days. Once I go back to school I know I'm going to start drinking again. I can control it, it doesn't interfere with my daily life so its not really a problem (I usually drink late at night) I'm just thinking about how its not good for my health. But for the most part I have no life, no hobbies, no social life other than my 2 cousins which I am starting to get tired of. I need something.
Any comments would be nice, just don't tell me I should see a councilor cuz I'm not going to do that. I just wanted to tell my situation to someone who can relate or listen or know how I feel because theres no way I can tell these things to the people around me.