Sadness :(

Hello,

So today I would have been taking the bus, going to a friend.
But I just can't. I canceled it. I feel sad now.
I really avoid everything, I can't do anything because of my SA.
It takes over my life, It took away my ambitions.. (can't go to school, can't study, NEVER worked... :'(, never been able to do something for REAL with my singing... well tried but still messed it up because of anxiety)
It took away my dreams.. It took away being able to see my friends..
I can't be in huge crowds.. I can't even meet new people..
I can't hold speeches.. I can't go with bus.. train.. I can't go out.
I HATE IT!!! CENCORED HATE IT!!
I really want to live my life.. but this avpd.. or sa.. whatever it is..
destroys my life . and the most hateful thing is that i have to cancel everyone and maybe someday i will miss all my friends.. because its hard to be understood with this... my fear is just so big.. insanely big
I really need help.. but im afraid i never get out of this.. because my sa is so Super severe.. u dont wanna know

My friends sister is in a similar situation. She started going with relatives on public transport getting off at a random spot, then waiting for the train/bus to pick them up and take them home again.
It took a while but now she's getting better and able to go on transport by herself.

I know its easy for all of us to sit here and give advice etc ( I canceled some plans i had last week aswell grrr )
but you have to keep trying dont give up, even if its tiny little steps you'll see it will start to get better.. aslong as you keep trying. Plus you get the added bonus of being very happy with yourself =)


btw, I saw your 'cuz im dutch' youtube vid, it was very funny

Don't be too hard on yourself. Put a 'yet' next to each of those 'cants'. Do these things in small steps and keep trying until you succeed, then keep doing them until they feel normal.

Thanks, I will take step by step
Will first practice, start easily til i make bigger steps
Till.. I'm SA free

Aw, Flower, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so sad...
SA sure does know how to hinder...well, everything really. I hate to admit this, but there are times when I have to have a stiff drink just to go to work...at 8 in the morning. Just because I dread seeing people. My husband has to go to the store to do the grocery shopping, because that is my least favorite place.
From the things I've read, it sounds like you have a real talent for singing. Do you ever sing when you feel afraid or lonely? I don't know if it helps, because I can't sing at all! But, maybe you could sing yourself a comforting song..
I sure hope things get better for you, Flower! <3

Maybe my problems have never been as worst as yours, I don't know, but in my case, something that really REALLY helps me is to stop thinking, put myself on automatic mode, do what has to be done, and keep going even if I feel I'm going to fall appart or explode out of stress. If it's too much, I find an isolated place like bathrooms and wait to calm down. Then back on automatic mode. Then I go back home sometimes exhausted but surrounded with a huge feeling of satisfaction. Stop telling yourself you can't and just do it. Accept that you may do things that make you look stupid, it's really no big deal. Everyone looks stupid sometimes and nobody ever died because of it. Just accept that sometimes you might look like an alien in other's opinion. Who cares? Who really wants to be the same as the Mass anyway?

(Maybe I'm a little too much "just jump in the abyss and see what happens" though. Not 100% sure this is an advice to be followed)

Doing it with someone else a couple of times before trying it alone is also a very good idea.

Yeah, Saskia, just because you couldn't do it today, it doesn't mean it's gonna stay that way... Were you alone or at least with one friendly face? The before-Christmas time or crowds can be more stressful than normal too.. Many people without SA hate crowds or shopping too...

Have you tried studying online yet? Or working online?
There are singers in my country who got a lot of fans online (on FB), and only performed once or twice 'live'...

There is a really famous musician with really famous songs who recorded for Richard Branson's label and he didn't even give one gig in his life... if I remember it right...
Today the music industry has changed, but even so, you can do a lot online... and maybe sell CDs/songs on iTunes or CDbaby...

You listed a lot of 'cant's' and maybe you don't even need to do all of that? I mean, why would you even need to do speeches? Some people never give them in their whole life... (or very rarely..) There is one uncle of all my relatives, mostly he does the speeches, others don't...

So maybe you are expecting 'all at once', or too much of yourself right now...
It would be nice, if you could do all that already... Yup, just take step by step, start small... With people you know...

Maybe the weather was bad and this stopped you from going anywhere too? Maybe when the weather is better you'll feel better and be able to go, with a friend or a relative? Or just meet one friend or relative, you don't have to push yourself too much if you're not ready for a party yet..

So are all of these things you listed here things on your list? What you'd like to do? Then maybe you can re-write them as 'wishes' and work on them, step by step? With a psychologist/counsellor and friends and us here, etc?

Flowergirlie said:

Hello,

So today I would have been taking the bus, going to a friend.
But I just can't. I canceled it. I feel sad now.
I really avoid everything, I can't do anything because of my SA.
It takes over my life, It took away my ambitions.. (can't go to school, can't study, NEVER worked... :'(, never been able to do something for REAL with my singing... well tried but still messed it up because of anxiety)
It took away my dreams.. It took away being able to see my friends..
I can't be in huge crowds.. I can't even meet new people..
I can't hold speeches.. I can't go with bus.. train.. I can't go out.
I HATE IT!!! CENCORED HATE IT!!
I really want to live my life.. but this avpd.. or sa.. whatever it is..
destroys my life . and the most hateful thing is that i have to cancel everyone and maybe someday i will miss all my friends.. because its hard to be understood with this... my fear is just so big.. insanely big
I really need help.. but im afraid i never get out of this.. because my sa is so Super severe.. u dont wanna know

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