Roommate has Depression, Social Phobia, fear of Rejection

I've been living with my roommate for 2 years now. She has depression, and I don't really understand everything, but I'm doing everything in my power to try. She says that the worst thing for someone with depression is to be misunderstood. I want to know her and how her mind works. What can I do to help her? She is in counseling. I've heard that meds and conseling is the only way she can truly start to change, but I feel helpless.

What can I do. Our relationship is beginning to fall apart. I want so desperately not to lose our friendship. She's broken inside. I cannot relate.

She has a social phobia, which caused her to drop out of college last semester. She has a fear of rejection, so she will not go find a job which she so desperately needs. Her depression is bringing me down. She used to be a cutter, and is currently struggling with a lot of self esteem problems.

Any suggestions? Anyone else in my boat? .... thanks.

It's very kind of you to be concerned about your roommate's wellbeing. I would be very grateful to have a friend and a roommate like you.

Social anxiety is really tough, and it places a burden on other people as you surely can see.

But I would recommend that you don't coddle her. She needs to grow up and learn to be confident and to not take herself so seriously. She cannot insist that you "understand" and never speak a word that she might take negatively. This is her problem, not yours, and she needs to own up to it.

As for you, I would recommend that you treat her normally, as you would treat any of your other friends. If you accommodate her disfunctionality, it will simply allow her to go down the trajectory of fear, negativity, and anxiety that she has been on. Speak to her with as much and as little concern you would show anyone else. Don't intentionally try to hurt her, but you don't need to use lambskin gloves either -- she needs to toughen up.

Really, it's up to her to recover, and if she does not choose to get a grip, there is nothing that you, or anyone else can do to help her. This is a sad reality.

Ask her how you could help her in her recovery -- by bringing friends by the apartment, introducing her to other people, sharing words of courage with her about jobs, etc. There are a lot of things you can do to help her, but she needs to take the initiative and there must be cooperation.

Although I can't relate to you, I can relate to your friend/roommate. Depression...check, social phobia...check, cutter...check. For me, I know that when I am going through a bad patch, I am a complete asshole to my roommates and friends...I just want to be left along when I get like that, and I never really mean to hurt the people I am close to. I don't know, maybe this is what you mean by saying your relationship is falling apart. It may just be best to give her some space for a little while.

Just having someone that is there and willing to listen would make life more bearable for me (I think). I've never really had this though so I'm not sure, but if your friend/roommate doesn't know already, make sure she is aware that she can come to you when she needs someone to listen. That is, if you are able to handle this. If her depression is bringing you down then, as it has been said before, it may just be best to leave her on her own for a while until you start feeling better. You are just as important as her.

You are a tremendous person to try and understand people like us, it shows that you really do care a lot. However, trying to understand how her mind works is a task that is probably not possible...chances are, she doesn't even know how it works...I am still trying to figure out myself and failing. I don't know if this has helped at all, but good luck with your friend, she is very lucky to be around someone as caring as you.