Relationship update

Not too much has happened since my breakup a month ago if you see my last post he was mad at me afterwards. But that has resolved as he is himself again. So what happened was I had a boyfriend I thought was my soulmate and going to marry me blah blah. Really good relationship but I had anxiety and low self esteem issues for a bit. He always helped me through it. Now I honestly feel alone. Not because really I'm away from him, it's really because I'm back to my house with my family. I only lived with my boyfriend for a month. A lot of problems happened. I realized after going to therapy recently that my problem was situational anxiety. Too many things were against me living there, and we had no real plan. We were too young to live together and it was too soon in our relationship. I realize all of my mistakes now. Why he worried about me.
Well a week after of not talking, he talked to me. I was on the phone with him for a long time. He said how much he missed me and was sorry about being weak in the end. He said he still wanted to work things out, that he wasn't sure what we were. He even cried a little I think after how I told him how I felt. Since then we have talked a few hours on the phone. One of the times I flirted with him and we kept laughing together. But now we don't talk as much, but I think it's because he works a lot now and it seems he only can call me when he's off and isn't busy. We used to have a internet relationship where we would call everyday and once a week we would see each other. We used to be obsessed with another, which wasn't always a good thing. It hurts because I thought he wouldn't leave me. It's weird how he used to love me so much and I was always his priority and now it's like we're strangers again so soon. My mom just thinks he could be being nice to me so he doesn't hurt me.. but that doesn't make sense. He's the type of person that's serious about everything. He even mentioned about a future together if he moved somewher else that we could still see each other since its not that far from me. He even told me last time we talked that we would both have to put effort in working things out. Should I believe him and put effort into trying while focusing on myself still or should I ignore him and see if he will try harder so I can believe him more?

Hi-

Going back home sounds better of a foundation than with him as you said you had problems. Sometimes things don't work out, sometimes we're not ready yet and we learn so much that it shapes us to be so much stronger and wiser even when it hurts.

He maybe is done the band-aid method rather than the slow way. Maybe he had experienced before and did it the slow way and it hurt too much. And he prob doesn't want to cause you anxiety more than you already have. Why he doesn't communicate as much.

I think working on yourself is way better than any guy personally and I've been steeply learning that the hard way. There is nothing like really loving yourself and having the freedom to make the space to do so. Working on yourself is actually giving yourself permission to put yourself first over any man and to value yourself and make you someone of quality more than you think you already are.

I wouldnt be in a rush for him. I would work on my health and anxiety issues first and do things that I would really love to do and work on making myself feel good.

The things about guys and girls from what Ive found is that us girls can go all out for them and forget about ourselves. Esp us with anxiety, because we a relationship and the issues that come with it can all be heightened in our world and be on our minds all the time. We forget to really look after ourselves and forget who we are and then feel like we need to get those things from our partner rather than ourselves. And it just so easily happens. Time feels like a hurry and we just want to make things right.

If he is willing to wait for you, then he is worth it. If not, then there is a better man waiting out there.

grapevine said:

Hi-

Going back home sounds better of a foundation than with him as you said you had problems. Sometimes things don't work out, sometimes we're not ready yet and we learn so much that it shapes us to be so much stronger and wiser even when it hurts.

He maybe is done the band-aid method rather than the slow way. Maybe he had experienced before and did it the slow way and it hurt too much. And he prob doesn't want to cause you anxiety more than you already have. Why he doesn't communicate as much.

I think working on yourself is way better than any guy personally and I've been steeply learning that the hard way. There is nothing like really loving yourself and having the freedom to make the space to do so. Working on yourself is actually giving yourself permission to put yourself first over any man and to value yourself and make you someone of quality more than you think you already are.

I wouldnt be in a rush for him. I would work on my health and anxiety issues first and do things that I would really love to do and work on making myself feel good.

The things about guys and girls from what Ive found is that us girls can go all out for them and forget about ourselves. Esp us with anxiety, because we a relationship and the issues that come with it can all be heightened in our world and be on our minds all the time. We forget to really look after ourselves and forget who we are and then feel like we need to get those things from our partner rather than ourselves. And it just so easily happens. Time feels like a hurry and we just want to make things right.

If he is willing to wait for you, then he is worth it. If not, then there is a better man waiting out there.

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Yeah I just need time to work on myself. He has problems too of course he's immature and also has a complex with things being perfect. He also gets depressed easily. Yeah he probably doesn't to give me space but I don't think he has experienced this before, I am his first love. Yeah I had anxiety and low self esteem from being with someone I actually loved since I don't feel anything for my exes and never really did to be honest. He was the only one who felt right for me and it hurts because he promised to never leave me. He wanted to marry me. So I don't like how his mom said "I like her, hope you can still be friends." I don't think you can truly be friends with someone if you both still love each other. You're right though. Thank you for your advice. What matters most is me and my happiness. Though I would try again with him if he shows me he can be more responsible instead of running away from the problem.

It doesnt mean that something could happen in the future I guess. Kinda like on Dawsons Creek if youve ever seen that show.People can be at different stages of their lives.

By putting your foot down and explaining to him why you need to part and his lack of responsibilities may actually make him, over time - look at his issues and perhaps face them.

Its really hard and I admire those that can actually break up and be responsible for thier happiness like youve done. Itsa really hard thing to do. So many emotions.

All the best : )