Regulating insane desires, help!

This is for those who took no action and no risk in life and realized, for instance at my age of 32, if you don't start living now, you might never live at all. If you're not one of those people, you may not understand; nonetheless if you have some optimism for me, I'd like to hear it.

I think I've developed something of a crisis, realizing I've never had the slightest bit of romantic interaction with the opposite sex, for example. I mean, I'm 32. When I think about this--and think about how it's ridiculous to be so inexperienced at my age--I just get this "insane" brute force feeling of "I MUST fix this NOW NOW NOW! I can't put it off anymore."

Then I get to thinking, well how can it be done, with my social anxiety, profoundly low confidence, awkwardness, and of course a "strange history of getting nothing done at all," how can I just jump in and fix this issue? The answer my mind gives me is that it cannot be done, it's not for me, and I need to go back in the corner and retreat to fantasy-land, because I just can't handle it. But then when I do that, I'm still getting older.

This is not just about the problem of meeting the opposite sex, but for many issues. But that thorny issue does stick out, I'm so terribly lonely and just now, finally, it's really hurting me. It's actually becoming a physical pain. I'm getting depressed again and things that usually interest me just don't have the same kick.

But I'm also overemotional in general, much of it irrational. In my other thread here, the person who understood the issue best directed me to a site where you're supposed to "pay for the cure." Not for me, I like altruism better. I also hear meditation may help, but what kind of meditation?

Anyway, this forum is terribly inactive, or people are afraid to post. If you think you understand this problem I'm going through now, then give me a PM. Somewhere, some place has to hear me out or care; is a life lived without any risk and without any accomplishments just that rare, that people don't know how to respond?

I just don't have the energy to regurgitate my own issues, but the way you've written yours could double as a biography for me.
I've tried self-help but the negativity is too strong. I'm seriously considering seeing a specialist in the next week to help me handle this force and let me live a normal life as myself, not this shut-down alien I become and hate.

At 32 I worried about relationships with the opposite sex, what a waste of bloody time. One particularly painful rejection led to an almost nervous breakdown, and to the onset of my social anxiety, that was 1999, and I really learnt about the unkindness of some people. About five years ago my whole emphasis changed, I don't think about the opposite sex or relationships. I've created an independent lifestyle in which I enjoy my own company, and would not even want to share my interests with anyone else on any deep level. Some people are kind, and have shown an interest and compassion when I reached out. I really struggle with my anxiety, but I've kept getting out there doing what I love, running, photography and writing, and I've have beaten anxiety on so many occasions.

I don't know what you mean by 'pay for the cure' or 'altruism'... do you mean you just think prostitutes are dodgy?

You're probably not going to get what you want right away, it's a process... you start small and work your way towards your goal. Really look at yourself-- and ask yourself if it's just the anxiety that's ruining your life or is there something that you could probably stand to change about yourself... sure, your habits, etc... but I'm also willing to bet there are things you could change about yourself that would help you to find someone worthy of your time.

Kiwong said:

At 32 I worried about relationships with the opposite sex, what a waste of bloody time. One particularly painful rejection led to an almost nervous breakdown, and to the onset of my social anxiety, that was 1999, and I really learnt about the unkindness of some people. About five years ago my whole emphasis changed, I don't think about the opposite sex or relationships. I've created an independent lifestyle in which I enjoy my own company, and would not even want to share my interests with anyone else on any deep level. Some people are kind, and have shown an interest and compassion when I reached out. I really struggle with my anxiety, but I've kept getting out there doing what I love, running, photography and writing, and I've have beaten anxiety on so many occasions.

Click to expand...

Well I wouldn't say advising someone to forget about something they desire, and essentially give up, is always the best advice. But if you mean to forget about the anxiety and try to let things flow naturally, that I can agree with, but for some reason I'm struggling with it at the moment. There's always the concern that more time will pass, one will still get older, and things will remain undone and untried. At some point you must take some risk, even the slightest risk, to get what you're looking for or at least a trial of it. If it's not for me, then it's not for me. But I haven't even tried.

Odo said:

I don't know what you mean by 'pay for the cure' or 'altruism'... do you mean you just think prostitutes are dodgy?

You're probably not going to get what you want right away, it's a process... you start small and work your way towards your goal. Really look at yourself-- and ask yourself if it's just the anxiety that's ruining your life or is there something that you could probably stand to change about yourself... sure, your habits, etc... but I'm also willing to bet there are things you could change about yourself that would help you to find someone worthy of your time.

Click to expand...

About your first statement, the "pay for the cure" statement I wrote was confusing, I can see why you thought that. I meant it as a reference to a cure for overemotionality, this problem I have regulating my emotions at times, often triggered by envy. Just a slight spark can set it off, and I was looking for ways to get my mind off that pain before it ruins my entire night or week. Another poster said "emotion tapping" was helpful, but he gave me the link of a site that wants you to buy the book, supplements, and so on.

Although, about prostitutes, yes I think they're dodgy, and I think it is a very shallow and easy way to lose virginity. Anybody could do it so long as they pay. That's not the fix I'm looking for, to me it doesn't even count as a quick-fix.

Bronson99 said:

Well I wouldn't say advising someone to forget about something they desire, and essentially give up, is always the best advice. But if you mean to forget about the anxiety and try to let things flow naturally, that I can agree with, but for some reason I'm struggling with it at the moment. There's always the concern that more time will pass, one will still get older, and things will remain undone and untried. At some point you must take some risk, even the slightest risk, to get what you're looking for or at least a trial of it. If it's not for me, then it's not for me. But I haven't even tried.

Click to expand...

I found an alternative way to live that I enjoy more. I never really gave up, it was just a transition. I am not advising anything, just speaking of how my life changed, how the concerns that I had in my thirties have evaporated. And that I am glad things worked out the way they did.