Recurring Images of Pedophilia

Hello everyone,

I posted a while back about my fear of being a pedophile and wondering if I had OCD. Since posting I've found a couple others on this site who were terrified of being pedophiles. Thanks goodness I'm not alone ...

Now, it is really important to me to be able to sort of name my problem. My main issue is what my most beloved friends would think of me if they found out I had these horrendous thoughts (I know I'm not a pedophile. But the fear comes back every morning after I tell myself I can let it all go and begin anew). I am not afraid of myself so much as how my most cherished company would see me, particularly the adults who care about me and know I am in turmoil with my father, who has frightened and hurt me. I'm afraid they won't love me anymore.

Okay. Does this sound like social anxiety to you?

Thanks,

~Emily

EmilyOlive said:

My main issue is what my most beloved friends would think of me if they found out I had these horrendous thoughts

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thoughts.... as in you fantasize about kids sexually?

you need to realise that you havent acted on these thoughts so its not as serious as you think but you need to be aware how wrong it is to continue a fantasy like this, it doesnt make you a bad person, often people have violent and unethical thoughts and sometimes its out of control ...

Emily i assume your a girl by the username, if these thoughts persist then consider going to a therapist and being open about this, you need to kick it asap, realise that children or people at a certain young age arn't meant for that sort of thing ...

I dont know what its described as but people are fed dreams and fantasies they don't want and are extreme, so it may not be by choice in this case ...

good luck..

Oh, I don't have fantasies -- not in the way you're probably thinking, anyway. It's more that these awful thoughts keep surfacing to mind, and I know that I would never do them but if I DID do them ... it's just the idea. I do not feel urges to touch children.

I know children that age are not meant for that sort of thing. Everything in me is very rational except for my imagination.

~Emily

so far i believe everyone has gotten it all wrong...i've been professsionally diagnosed with OCD and I have these same thoughts...this sounds just like OCD symptoms....research it in detail on many sites and im sure you'll find out its just OCD....hope this helps

no! do not tell your friends! tell a professional. unless you want to freak out your friends do not tell them. people do not understand ocd and for anything remotely relating to pedophelia (even if this is something you would never ever act on) you will be blacklisted. it is totally unacceptable and you will be shunned. hell, i would shun you if you were my friend telling me you had pedophiliac thoughts. it is just unacceptable. this is why the only one you should discuss this with (and you should) is a professional.

this is not what social anxiety is. maybe ocd?

^^ ditto

There's a thread about this same topic at the OCD forum. It seems OCD, but only a professional can diagnose disorders. No, you aren't a pedophile, but don't tell your friends because they won't understand.

I don't think I mentioned telling my friends, which is certainly something I would not do! I'm very aware that this is unacceptable.

But I can't really talk to a professional because I'm fifteen years old and don't want to tell my mother about these thoughts. She might think I'm mad (which, though I know I have made it sound otherwise, I am not).

Thanks for the tips, though, everyone.

~Emily

EmilyOlive said:

But I can't really talk to a professional because I'm fifteen years old and don't want to tell my mother about these thoughts.

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Can't you just tell her you need to see a doctor?

Oh, and I have realized that the more you are affected by this thoughts, the more frequantly they are going to come. Now that you know you aren't a pedophile, if you are able to relax, perhaps they are going to come less often.

Osse --

Oh, absolutely; now that I know I'm not a pedophile, but probably have a form of OCD, the thoughts HAVE come less often. Actually, I was doing some research and found that there is a very particular name for what seems to be my trouble -- POCD (which I believe stands for Pedophile Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or something like it).

But mostly it's the shame in how people would see me if they knew I had it. I mean, people misinterpret thoughts like mine.

Sigh. The mind is a very amazing thing.


I don't know, by the way, if I could tell my mother I needed to see a doctor -- because I'm not entirely certain yet that I do, and because I have more than enough issues in my life (as does she). I already have a life-threatening medical condition and hurtful father (though not, as you might suspect from the thoughts I've been having, sexually harmful), and I don't want her to think ill of me.

It is so difficult to explain, and I realize I sound like a real mental case. But if you browse the site, you can find others with the same issue.

~Emily

go to the office at your school and tell them you need to make an appointment to speak to a school counselor. then when you talk to the counselor tell them you have psychological issues you would like to discuss and make sure it's confidential (it probably is). if not, ask them where you can go for psychological counseling. i know planned parenthood has free counseling for minors.

Dottie,

I'm home-schooled.

Right now I'm just trying to will away the horror, but if it begins again to consume me -- and it did, but I am, as I mentioned, getting better -- I will get help.

But thank you for the suggesting. That is a good idea.

~Emily

Emily, im almost 100% sure what u have is OCD, if you have the thoughts and they bother you then that is what OCD is-obsessive thoughts that disturb the experiencer...anyway if you were a pedo, the thoughts would turn you on and you'd never think it was wrong....trust me on this...I get what your saying about not wanting to tell your parents, so all I can tell you is to know its just a disorder you have and take comfort in that...goodluck

you cant be a peedo when ur only 15 yaself!!!

inless u touch kids, get turned on by children, watch porn containing children etc ur not a peedo.

we all have fucked up thoughts now n than, i wouldnt panic, it aint like 'oh im thinking about it there fore i want to do it' its just a thought??? i quite liked the idea of bein shagged rather hard in a unfriendly manner lol dont mean i wanna if u get me. it just a thought.

EmilyOlive - I have this exact same issue, or something like it. I always assumed it was just me. I stumbled across this website, and thus your post, very much by accident tonight. Like you I am still a teenager myself, and a girl, and obviously pedophilia is morally wrong and generally despicable. I am not turned on by young children or the thought of young children. But I still have this, I guess, fear, and whenever I hear people talking about pedophiles on TV or whatever I think "I am like them" and then it's just like I know I am this innately evil person and I don't know what to do about it.
Anyway, it is... reassuring? to know that someone else is having this problem I guess. It sounds like you are dealing with it fairly well. If you'd ever want to talk about it more let me know.

Ellipsis --

It is absolutely reassuring; in fact a large part of my beginning to relax a bit is the knowledge that it is not just me! I'm glad you found my post; I discovered this site by accident too -- someone else had made a post about fear of being a pedophile, and then I found a couple others.

I think the fear started when I was about twelve and had begun to read about child abuse in general, and I think I read too much about pedophilia, at such a young age.

And if ever I feel like discussing the problem, I will let you know. Thanks!

...


Nikki --

I've never had sexual feelings towards children, but sometimes I'll have a reaction -- like the relaxation you get when someone is in platonic physical contact with you; for example, touching your arm or playing with your hair -- that I will worry is sexual. But I know, in my heart, that it never is.

And yes, the mind is a dangerous place where ANYTHING AT ALL can happen, to you or to others.

...

De-vin --

Thank you. It isn't that I like to put labels on everything, but ... having a name -- OCD -- for the problem makes me feel more grounded.

And I shall take comfort in that it is probably just a disorder I have and I am not a freak.

...

Thanks especially to all three of you for your replies; they were wonderfully supportive and REALLY made me feel better.

~Emily