Dark angel
Well-known member
No matter how old I am(late 20's), I still feel uncomfortable with sex talk.
I work as a telephone operator at a hospital at the moment and I work in the same little office with two other gals(Sara and Grace). One of her( Sara) was going to get drinks afterwards with another of the girls(Maria) that also works in the same department. She decided to go to the bathroom and get changed while her friend awaited for her with me and my other co-worker. Before she went onto the bathroom they started talking about sex, making jokes and being pretty graphic about it and as much as I tried to make myself look like I didn't care and was cool with the subject; my body language told quite different. The three of them laughed and all but I was in my little corner trying to run out of there as fast as I could.
Eventually Sara went to get changed and my boss decided to joined in to make things even more weird and uncomfortable. We all have a good relationship with him but needless to say, I never feel at ease around him, I get nervous and never look at him directly in the eyes. I speak minimal words with him, answering always "yes or no", always afraid of asking him things and so forth. Listening to him talking about this was uncommon.
I was so out of my comfortable zone, my facial expressions were so obvious to the point that when Sara came out of the bathroom she opened her eyes wide and ask me if I was ok because I seemed very anxious. She immediately knew why I was so shaky without me even telling. She has come to know my reactions when it comes to sex and it made me feel vulnerable. Which I HATE. Right now, I don't remember half the thing they talked about, is like my mind always finds a way of blocking that specific topic. I wonder if this is normal or is it immature of me. At one point I even felt angry and I even don't know why. Sara noticed and I can tell she kind of felt sorry for me which makes me feel stupid and such an errant child. I mean, I can talk about it in an anatomy class without feeling weird because the connotation is not the same, I can read about it in a book privately and it wouldn't do nothing for me but when it comes to the colloquial aspect of it. I don't like it. For me sex is intimate, there's no need of over sharing details(except if you are on a one-on-one chat with a friend asking for advice) And I need to learn how to just let it be, because the subject ALWAYS comes up. Always, everyday and I have to turn myself against the glass like I'm 5 years old because I have nothing to express or say. Mmmm... and I guess being inexperienced in that area doesn't help matters either.
It does not happen only at work, it also happens with my closest friends. They always bring the subject and in those occasions is even worst. Because they know my situation, they know I'm not sexually active and start saying "Oh when you do it for the first time, do it like this, or don't do that or what are you waiting for..." Ugh! At first I laughed but the jokes eventually gets old. One of the reasons why I don't go out with them is exactly that, they always feel the need to give me their so-called advices and I always end up being ask, why I haven't done it yet. I mean, wtf, is it an obligation? Since when? Is not like, I don't want to have nothing to do with sex, is just that I've never being in a relationship and for me is vital to be in one before committing into such level of intimacy.
I work as a telephone operator at a hospital at the moment and I work in the same little office with two other gals(Sara and Grace). One of her( Sara) was going to get drinks afterwards with another of the girls(Maria) that also works in the same department. She decided to go to the bathroom and get changed while her friend awaited for her with me and my other co-worker. Before she went onto the bathroom they started talking about sex, making jokes and being pretty graphic about it and as much as I tried to make myself look like I didn't care and was cool with the subject; my body language told quite different. The three of them laughed and all but I was in my little corner trying to run out of there as fast as I could.
Eventually Sara went to get changed and my boss decided to joined in to make things even more weird and uncomfortable. We all have a good relationship with him but needless to say, I never feel at ease around him, I get nervous and never look at him directly in the eyes. I speak minimal words with him, answering always "yes or no", always afraid of asking him things and so forth. Listening to him talking about this was uncommon.
I was so out of my comfortable zone, my facial expressions were so obvious to the point that when Sara came out of the bathroom she opened her eyes wide and ask me if I was ok because I seemed very anxious. She immediately knew why I was so shaky without me even telling. She has come to know my reactions when it comes to sex and it made me feel vulnerable. Which I HATE. Right now, I don't remember half the thing they talked about, is like my mind always finds a way of blocking that specific topic. I wonder if this is normal or is it immature of me. At one point I even felt angry and I even don't know why. Sara noticed and I can tell she kind of felt sorry for me which makes me feel stupid and such an errant child. I mean, I can talk about it in an anatomy class without feeling weird because the connotation is not the same, I can read about it in a book privately and it wouldn't do nothing for me but when it comes to the colloquial aspect of it. I don't like it. For me sex is intimate, there's no need of over sharing details(except if you are on a one-on-one chat with a friend asking for advice) And I need to learn how to just let it be, because the subject ALWAYS comes up. Always, everyday and I have to turn myself against the glass like I'm 5 years old because I have nothing to express or say. Mmmm... and I guess being inexperienced in that area doesn't help matters either.
It does not happen only at work, it also happens with my closest friends. They always bring the subject and in those occasions is even worst. Because they know my situation, they know I'm not sexually active and start saying "Oh when you do it for the first time, do it like this, or don't do that or what are you waiting for..." Ugh! At first I laughed but the jokes eventually gets old. One of the reasons why I don't go out with them is exactly that, they always feel the need to give me their so-called advices and I always end up being ask, why I haven't done it yet. I mean, wtf, is it an obligation? Since when? Is not like, I don't want to have nothing to do with sex, is just that I've never being in a relationship and for me is vital to be in one before committing into such level of intimacy.
Some people are just more open about talking about it more than others.
