..pretty bad?

i sometimes think.. that if i died right now, i wouldnt care. and thats for real. like i sometimes think, god i wish i could just die right now it would be so much easier.
i think i want to kill myself but then i think of the people i would be leaving behind, but it would be just so much easier if i died because i wouldnt have to put up with all this depression, worrying, anxiety anymore.
but i love certain people too much to do anything about it. i tried killing myself once, but i got took to hospital for a stomach pump and they made me see some person to talk about my problems but i told them i was totally fine and that i was just depressed, so that was it.
but i just ALWAYS feel down deep inside, and i always wish that i could just die, and i wouldnt actually care.
but i always hide how i feel, i usually hide my feelings with 'happyness' everyone always thinks im some happy girl but im not at all. so ehh.
idk, is my depression pretty bad??
i think to get to the point where you just wouldnt care anymore if you died, and wished you would just get run over or something, and the only thing stoppin you killin yourself if the people you love, is pretty low :[.
idk what to do to stop myself feelings like this. i really dont.
and the thing is, my mother, she is a 'medium' [she gives readings to people, shes very spiritual, very accurate] she told me one time 'your a very sad soul arent you?' out of the blue, and i was pretty shocked, i always hide my feelings so she couldnt of known.. but people tell me ive so many things to look forward too.. im only 16, maybe i do. but i just really cant see it.
im gonna get crap GCSE results in a few months because i suck at school, and i prolly wont get into college, i wont make new friends, i will find it hard to find a job because im very insecure, and i wont have good qualifications, i really have nothin to look forward to, if i could end it right now, i really REALLY would..
i just dont know what to do anymore please someone reply. im just not sure i can handle this much longer..

i feel the same way but ur 16 too young to be having depression just live life to the fullest now tell me why do u want to kill ur self?????

I have felt like that too, infact I managed to get kicked out of school because of my problems.
To be honest if I wasn't such a coward I would have ended it a long time ago.

Your mother can tell you're sad because she loves you very much and people communicate in many ways beside words, your body language tells how you are feeling to your near ones.

I can only say that school and getting a high education doesn't guarantee anything in life.
You have friends right now don't you? Keep working on your relationship with them, even though if you don't go to college you'll have people to rely on.
Sometimes life just seems completely set against you.
At those times always make a consicous effort to remember the things that are good, it might not make everything better but it puts things more in perspective and makes it easier.

Remember that there are people who love you.

Heya.. in answer to your question yeah your depression is really bad.. i think its what would be called severe/chronic depression.. and it differs from other types as in it doesnt lift after a few months then come back.. you constantly have it.Try not to beat yaself up about your gsce results.. schools not the right thing for everyone in my personal opinion youve done great to sit it out with how things have been for you really.I managed to get in college with hardly any gcses at all.. ya might have to do a simpler course thats maybe a little too easy rather than jumping in at a higher course but even that depends on how many placements they have.. ya might get onto the course you want np's.College is great aswell its one of the few sorta times of my life i remember fondly..its not as intense as school and is more relaxed and if your doing somthing you enjoy it really might be what ya need.

I can totaly relate to what your saying aswell.. i feel like you do alot of the time.. that it would be easier just to end it... but for some reason i dont know why i always carry on.. maybe im too scared to do it... or maybe were alot braver and stronger than we give ourselves credit for sometimes.I dont really know what to say if im honest.. i struggle myslf.Have you thought about reaching out and maybe talking to ya mum?When your depression is this bad ya cant go on pretending everything is okay cos that makes things worse.. even if you feel your protecting your mum from it.. it sounds like deep down she knows somthing is troubling you.thats one thing i do know.. the more loving understanding support you have the better and maybe even her readings and that will be able to help you in some way... if not shes still gonna want to help by just being a mum.

They have professional counselers aswell at college you can speak to.. and these tend to be people who have been through simlar stuff themselves when they were our age.. rather than just some so called proffesional whos read aload of books and claims to know the answer when he hasnt even tasted the problem.There is people out there who can help you im guess im saying.. ya might not get one with the first person you speak to but dont let that put you off.Anyway try and keep ya head up.. good luck with your exams and i really hope you find a way to start dealing with some of your stuff.

hey kissmenow, i know exactly how you are feeling. I often feel as if i coudnt care less if i died, and thati want to. Yet i cant manage to take my own life becasue of the people i love and the what it could do to them. I also often wish to get into car accidents and just die so i woudnt have to take my own life. Everytime i get into a car i hope we get into a car accident so i can just die. I havnt told anyone about this, so im glad i found someone who can relate to the same feeling ive been having.

Sweetheart. You are asking us if your depression is seriously bad? Of course it is. Of course it is. Every depression is real bad. Every problem is real big. You don't need anyone to tell you you are unhappy.

I can only say that I also used to feel like that. Too many people do. Please keep on tryin, sweetheart. Believe me, it will get better.

Take care.