Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

I know the feeling. When things started to decline, at the time I felt like I could see it happening, like I was self-aware that things were the best they were ever going to be. At the time it made me desperately hold on to everything I had, feeling like when I lost it the rest of my life was never going to compare. Rationality tells me those feelings were irrational, reality disagrees.

Me too. But the main difference is that i've gotten used to the decline & and are more comfortable with where i am now. I've accepted defeat.

Paging Dr. Kevorkian.

https://socialphobiaworld.com/read-t...sources-61626/

Hang in there, Fountain (((Hugs)))
You never know what the tide will bring in tomorrow - Tom Hanks.

What do you call a shepherd to the shepherd?

BlueDays.

Hide on, you crazy sapphire.

It's funny how one moment I can feel like I am on top of the world and then crushingly low the next. My appearance upsets me so badly that I feel like I will never find love. My friend found someone - she is beautiful and worthy, but me... I'm the ugly friend. No one goes out of their way to talk to me or thinks I am worthwhile. I feel pathetic.

It is cruel that society enforces the belief that a person's self-worth needs to come mainly from our physical appearance.
I know it is easier said than done, but we all really need to keep trying to get our self-worth from within ourselves instead of seeking it from external sources that we have no control over.
The hard work in developing our self-esteem ourselves is worth it though, because then the result is permanent, and not volatile due to it being solely dependant on the whims of others.

I gave my notice at work today without another job lined up. It's a bit more of risk than I usually take, but right now I feel good about it. I haven't been happy there in a while, I think a clean cut and a dose of unemployment with kick my *** into gear and force me to make positive changes in that part of my life. It hasn't really sunk in yet, but I am feeling good about it as of now.

I mean, once I realize that I have to go out and interact with some new people I may have a bit of a mini freak out, but hey, it's not living if you don't occasionally have some mini-freak outs!

It's page 1972 - the year of my birth, so this is a special page for me - my "birth page"

NO, i'm not bored!. What makes you think that? lol

You are so right. I have realized this myself, but damn is it hard to put into practice. Thank you for this post and for being awesome - I appreciate you

Keep at it Sarah, there's a lot of shallow people out there that seek a traditional image of beauty and success, without eccentricity or trouble, because it's easy. But think of it like this, if they can't see your value as a person without an immediate 'wow' factor, they don't deserve you.

I've recently entered some of the more unconventional dating scenes myself, more akin to me as a person and interests (where exactly I'd prefer to keep private,) while having crushing lack of success before, and was surprised how many people wanted to talk without appearance even being a factor when I looked in the right places.

Perhaps it's less that you're unattractive and unappealing, but more that those people can't see it because they're blinded by looking for something specific. I bet that among the billions of people on the planet, there's more than a few that'd consider themselves blessed to have your company.

Watch out Orangutans*, your wrangling grand champion has arrived.










*In the welterweight class

Thank you so much for this, BlackPuma - I really appreciate your response/input. Typically I never really talk about how insecure I actually am with anyone - this website is really my only outlet. However, recently, I opened up to my sister about how I was feeling and she said that it's not because I am ugly, but because I look pissed off all the time - So, in essence, I am unapproachable.

The matter of self worth is very complex for me. You see, growing up, one of the very first messages I ever received from my father was "I can't love you because you are too fat and ugly" - he always withheld his love from me and it has haunted me ever since. I feel like I am desperately seeking affection from outside (male) sources - all I can think about is finding love sometimes. However, on the other hand, I am so terrified of being in a relationship because I am not pretty enough and allowing someone to get close allows them to see my flaws and if they see my flaws then they'll leave which will have proven that I am too ugly to love which is devastating.

So, on a subconscious level, I look angry, distracted, avoid eye contact with guys I am attracted to etc., all to keep people away. But, in doing so, the lonlier I become. I have wanted plastic surgery since I was 15 and still want it very badly - after I graduate from college I intend on having it, but I really don't want to be single for that long. I have gotten mixed reviews about my decision, but I am so tired of hating myself. I want to feel beautiful every day, wear a bikini for the first time since the age of 9 and to wear shorts without feeling disgusting. I feel like having the surgery will help me blossom as an individual and provide me with the confidence to be my genuine self. I suppose that I should also mention that I have lost 80lbs gained 40 and lost 50 more pounds, so the constant fluctuation, crash diets, binge eating/purging, starving myself, binging without purging has totally ruined my body. My eating disorder has definitely improved over the years, but I do still have a tendancy to over eat sometimes/still hate eating in front of other people (that was also part of the shame inflicted on me by my father. He made fun of my weight for years, fed me junk and made me feel disgusting for eating).

I like to be sociable when i am able (which is not often, but anyway).
When my neighbour went for walk today, with her little niece & little dog, i called out 'hello ann! hello alexandria! hello snow! (the dog) hello teddy bear! (that girl was holding)'.
And i set the alarm for their return, upon they're return i called out 'see ya ann! see ya alexandria! see ya snow! see ya teddy!'.
You see, i AM sociable! Not strange AT ALL. . The decades of isolation HASN'T made me crazy. Now, where are those crackers?

"Unlucky in love" is certainly one way to put it

Well, that made sense.

What if you see a centipede in real life, like i did the other day .
It was under a sofa squab, outside.

What if a big spider was crawling over your face an arms while you were asleep and your brain was aware of something crawling, but it didn't bother to wake you up. Your brain just had a dream about something with lots of crawling legs, to cope with the uneasiness of not knowing exactly WHAT was crawling over your face and arms?




I have discovered today that there IS a point you can get to when you have eaten too many Twisties. I never thought there was.

Sometimes I think you're the most selfless person on the board... and other times the greatest troll it has ever seen.

er.....um, my post was kind of meant to be like tickling someone when they need to concentrate - just teasing, you know?

However, after re-reading it tonight, I am like.....yeah, I am dreadfully sorry for probably making you spray around your bed with bug spray every night for a week before you go to sleep at night.
A thousand apologies, Fountain!!