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Old 1 Week Ago
FountainandFairfax's Avatar
I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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Old 1 Week Ago
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took the day off to order the text books I need and do some other errands to get ready for college. can you believe that one of these criminal justice books cost me $170? are you fvcking kidding me!? its a paperback BOOK!


anyway, I'm trying to call the community college to find out how to schedule an appointment with my advisor but no one will pick up the phone.. dialed 3 different numbers already




ahhhhhhhhh yes....The academic headache begins -_-




for some reason getting cussed out by inmates is starting to look a lot more appealing than spending all this money on overpriced classes and books . lol



but really though, I hope this is all going to be worth it. (when it comes to career choices)
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Old 1 Week Ago
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I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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I just found out that my uncle's girlfriend's son overdosed and died yesterday. My uncle actually broke the door down to find him.

I only met the guy a couple of times, but he seemed like a very decent, nice sort of dude... to think of what he was struggling with. It's something what life does to you, the way it pulls and tears all the damn time while we plod ahead.

I think about the grief that my uncle and his girlfriend are experiencing now, not to mention that the guy had two young sons. The wreckage and wages of just trying to get by, it's a wonder any of us put up with it.
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Old 1 Week Ago
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Hie ye hence from me heath!
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Why am I always the one everyone in my family seems turn to whenever they want summit fix or asking my opinion on what I think they should do? Tha f*ck should ah know, huh?! Am the youngest, not that you'd be able to feckin' tell like.

Really get me down that, so it does. The amount o' expectation n' responsibility place upon me all the time. Apparently, I'm a good person for not complaining too much, but also a really shitty, horrible person for wanting to know why I should care about an argument within the family that doesn't impact ma life in the longer term. Whit?! Just cuz we're family... F*ck off with guilt-trippin' pish, man!

Also, dreading yet another milestone birthday next year.
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Old 1 Week Ago
 

I met with my therapist again today - I always feel rejuvenated after a session. She brought up something very interesting to me today. We were discussing how I feel stunted in my growth as an adult and how I feel like I should have accomplished more at this age - she said it might have something to do with when I hit ****rty. I started my period at 12, which is normal, but at age 13/14 I started to look much older than my actual age; like I was 18 or 19. I have always been larger chested and people took notice which was humiliating, so I wore sweaters all the time to cover myself up. I always got treated like I was older too. She said that because of this, I may have dug my heels in and tried to stay as young as possible (mentally) to combat my swiftly maturing body because I wasn't ready for that. It really does make sense - the other day a co-worker said I seem younger in an innocent way. It's sort of a relief to know that there is an actual reason for the delay and I was responding to what was happening the best I could at the time. For a while I was concerned that I was autistic or something.

I made a bunch of phone calls/doctor's appointments today - it's nice that talking on the phone doesn't give me anxiety anymore. I might have more health problems, but I am not entirely sure until I do some tests. I try so hard to be healthy (with my eating/lifestyle), but something always crops up. I guess you need to be mentally healthy also - stress will **** your shit up and I am stressed out a lot. I need to schedule 2 more appointments: one for an ultrasound and the other for the dentist.

On a very positive note, I start school next month which will allow for a lot of social opportunities. It's going to be a very sweaty month (lol), but I am looking forward to meeting new people and making steps toward a brighter future. My entire first year of college is going to be paid for too which is amazing - I received more money than I anticipated. At the 4 year college that I will be transferring to, there is a study abroad program that I will do anything and everything to get into. I chose going to the UK instead of France because I can study molecular biology/genetics instead of just French. Also, they speak English, so that is an added bonus - no getting lost in translation lol. I'm really going to push myself out of my comfort zone and accomplish everything I set out to. I get so hung up on my age sometimes - like, I should have done this a few years ago, but when I really think about it, the timing is just right. I am in a much better head space than I was a few years ago
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Old 1 Week Ago
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I used to LOVE watching Get Smart on tv. I watched it religiously. It made me happy.
I also watched Gilligan's Island if it was also on.
From memory, they were on either Saturday mornings, or weekday afternoons. Happy times.
It saddens me that those "good old days" are good.

Edit: Just watching some Get Smart videos i found online. Enjoying them just like old times!
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Old 1 Week Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
I just found out that my uncle's girlfriend's son overdosed and died yesterday. My uncle actually broke the door down to find him.

I only met the guy a couple of times, but he seemed like a very decent, nice sort of dude... to think of what he was struggling with. It's something what life does to you, the way it pulls and tears all the damn time while we plod ahead.

I think about the grief that my uncle and his girlfriend are experiencing now, not to mention that the guy had two young sons. The wreckage and wages of just trying to get by, it's a wonder any of us put up with it.

thats terrible, man : (



was it from opiates?
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Old 1 Week Ago
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I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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thats terrible, man : (



was it from opiates?
Yeah, heroin. :(

I talked with my cousin about it, he knows more about this stuff than me, and apparently there's a lot of fentanyl going around in my town. He speculated that the guy may have got some cut into his heroine and that's what caused the OD.
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Old 1 Week Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
I just found out that my uncle's girlfriend's son overdosed and died yesterday. My uncle actually broke the door down to find him.

I only met the guy a couple of times, but he seemed like a very decent, nice sort of dude... to think of what he was struggling with. It's something what life does to you, the way it pulls and tears all the damn time while we plod ahead.

I think about the grief that my uncle and his girlfriend are experiencing now, not to mention that the guy had two young sons. The wreckage and wages of just trying to get by, it's a wonder any of us put up with it.
Geez, my heart goes out to both of them. They must be devastated to an unimaginable degree.

What do you even do in a situation like that? I hope they'll be okay.
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FountainandFairfax (1 Week Ago)
Old 1 Week Ago
Graeme1988's Avatar
Hie ye hence from me heath!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
I just found out that my uncle's girlfriend's son overdosed and died yesterday. My uncle actually broke the door down to find him.

I only met the guy a couple of times, but he seemed like a very decent, nice sort of dude... to think of what he was struggling with. It's something what life does to you, the way it pulls and tears all the damn time while we plod ahead.

I think about the grief that my uncle and his girlfriend are experiencing now, not to mention that the guy had two young sons. The wreckage and wages of just trying to get by, it's a wonder any of us put up with it.
F*ck! Sorry to hear that. One of my cousins died from a drug, heroin, overdose as well a few years ago. Had a kid as well, a daughter. So I can empathise what yer uncle and girlfriend are experiencing just now. As well as yerself, in terms of not really knowing the person that well.
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FountainandFairfax (1 Week Ago)
Old 1 Week Ago
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Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
Yeah, heroin. :(

I talked with my cousin about it, he knows more about this stuff than me, and apparently there's a lot of fentanyl going around in my town. He speculated that the guy may have got some cut into his heroine and that's what caused the OD.
gangs could care less who they hurt . That kind of thing really pisses me off.

iv heard of some drug dealers/gang members (same thing really) adding fentanyl to certain batches of their "product" specifically to make customers overdose so that other customers will hear about it and think its just really strong heroin...apparently someone O.D.ing on it is an indicator of high potency for users, when really its just the fentanyl added to it.



Anyway , I'm sorry that happened. I had an old friend from high school who was hooked on heroin for YEARS...havent heard from him since.
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Old 1 Week Ago
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I've just made up a name for a new religion or movement. It's called "NOTHING WORKS". It incorporates the factual knowledge that almost none of the avenues of self-improvement actually work in practise (books/studying, praying, visualizing, meditating, ...)
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Old 1 Week Ago
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I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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Originally Posted by AtTheGates View Post
gangs could care less who they hurt . That kind of thing really pisses me off.

iv heard of some drug dealers/gang members (same thing really) adding fentanyl to certain batches of their "product" specifically to make customers overdose so that other customers will hear about it and think its just really strong heroin...apparently someone O.D.ing on it is an indicator of high potency for users, when really its just the fentanyl added to it.



Anyway , I'm sorry that happened. I had an old friend from high school who was hooked on heroin for YEARS...havent heard from him since.
My cousin told me the exact same thing. He was watching some program and said a dealer made the remark "I hope the fat kid gets this one" meaning that the dose was loaded and would likely kill most people who took it.
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Old 1 Week Ago
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My cousin told me the exact same thing. He was watching some program and said a dealer made the remark "I hope the fat kid gets this one" meaning that the dose was loaded and would likely kill most people who took it.

many drug dealers are overly materialistic. blinded by the almighty dollar. its horrible...people like that will often do anything to get rich....shoot, kill, steal....and then they push their product onto unsuspecting people who end up getting addicted to it.







the thing about instant gratification is once you make a habit of it, it can really send you straight downhill. instant gratification makes you happy for a little while but it always fades (I used to drink ...ALOT) . These days I only have a few beers on friday and saturday night. moderation is the key. tbh, exercise is something that really makes me feel better....alcohol is basically poison anyway.
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Old 1 Week Ago
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Hie ye hence from me heath!
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It's rather worrying, to me, that the wimmin in my immediate family clearly have unresolved anger issues due to past experiences that were really shit. Shout... It's hardly surprising I'm the more mellow, calm one. Well most o' the time! I'm genuinely scared for how my 2 nieces will turn out, cuz my older sister tends to flee of the handle at the trivial of things, like the way ya said something n' what'cha meant by it!

Yep! And that's why I'm a functioning alcoholic.

Not exactly the ideal parent for a kid, huh? If yer gonnae fly into a rage every time you get stressed out or overwhelmed, or something goes wrong. But hey, my siblings and I weren't raised in a loving family environment. Well, they were, I wasn't.
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Old 1 Week Ago
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THIS is what I'm talking about
Why you should be forest bathing (and we don't mean shampoo) - CNN
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Old 1 Week Ago
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'Yes, i've been playing all day, all day, all day ...'
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Old 1 Week Ago
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I completely faacked-up my childhood & youth, esp personality & socially wise. That's why i'm faacked now.
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Old 1 Week Ago
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I completely faacked-up my childhood & youth, esp personality & socially wise. That's why i'm faacked now.
Same, but ah hud a pretty f*ck upbringing, so...
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Old 1 Week Ago
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Hie ye hence from me heath!
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No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye
Goodbye
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