Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
theslowesthand said:
Why i say that is due to my life beginning its descent into hell at ~40-41 yrs. Still trying to get out of this pit of misery 5 years later. Those 2 years especially, i was very suicidal, often every day, for those 2/so years. So i can kinda understand how some other guy could be similarly-afflicted at that age. A few years ago a distant relative of mine killed himself over a separation, at age 40.
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Sorry to hear about that relative. :sad: Seperations aren't the easiest to just bounce back from.

Anyway, I hope yer still trying to pull yerself outta that pit of misery. Don't give up on yerself. :thumbup:

theslowesthand said:
I don't know specifically what Chester was going through, whether it was depression or something else, but it was something major.
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Well, according to his bandmates in Linkin Park, Chester took the news of Chris Cornell's death pretty hard. Since they were close friends. He also stated in an interview - don't know if it was recent or not - that he struggles depression and didn't cope with life very well.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
"... we are not our bodies. We know our bodies die, and we know consciousness cannot, thus our consciousness (what we are) cannot be our bodies. The Bible calls it our spirit or soul.
You will die physically, but you will be born again ..."
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
I can be very critical of myself, and I never feel like I can distinguish between when I am justifiably critical, and when I am being irrationally so - "too hard on myself." I'll feel like I'm being thoughtless sometimes, and then later I will worry I am thinking too much, or the wrong way. Simply putting any thought into something doesn't make it thoughtful, or if it does thoughtfulness alone doesn't feel like enough. Carelessness, maybe, is the issue. If I do not put enough care into my thoughts I begin to run into trouble, because they will then reflect in my actions. Not always major things that I can immediately recognize as no-nos, but little things that have me wondering whether or not I really should have done that or said that.

My random thought.
 
Psychedelicious

Psychedelicious

1
All the problems

I feel like I need to vent and talk about my problems with someone, and I don't mean a therapist. I'm so terrified of being judged for the issues I have created for myself, along with the physical issues I have to deal with on a daily basis. I feel like a horrible ****ing person sometimes. The only person I'm really hurting is myself. I can't ever talk about what I'm really dealing with right now to anyone. I'm scared of what might happen. I certainly can't post anything here. How can I change things for myself if I can't even tell anyone what's going on? I hate myself so much sometimes. :(
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Re: All the problems

Psychedelicious said:
I feel like I need to vent and talk about my problems with someone, and I don't mean a therapist. I'm so terrified of being judged for the issues I have created for myself, along with the physical issues I have to deal with on a daily basis. I feel like a horrible ****ing person sometimes. The only person I'm really hurting is myself. I can't ever talk about what I'm really dealing with right now to anyone. I'm scared of what might happen. I certainly can't post anything here. How can I change things for myself if I can't even tell anyone what's going on? I hate myself so much sometimes. :(
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Well what about PMing sby on here? I've got a shitload of problems myself, and i've written some pretty horrific stuff on my puter in just the last few days (which i dare not write on here! :eek:). So I can listen, and am understanding & not judgemental.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Sleep and dream of this
Death angel’s kiss
Brings final bliss
Completely

Empty they say
Death, won’t you let me stay?

Empty they say
Death, hear me call your name
Call your name...

...Suicide
I’ve already died
You’re just the funeral
I’ve been waiting for

...Cyanide
Living dead inside
Break this empty shell forevermore

Wait, wait patiently
Your death black wings
Unfolding sleep
Spreading o’er me
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Don't think I'll be around much longer at this rate. I really don't. :sad: The stress. The constantly being let down. Being made out to be the bad guy, even when I've done nothing wrong. Being told I shouldn't get angry when all I get are excuses from family, most of the time, when I ask for something to be done. These pathetic, self-pitying, woe-is-me excuses. Yet, my family claim they'd do anything for me... Ha! Only if they can use it against me in future if I say something criticial of them

My week-long stint in hospital last year was the only time I saw the good in people. Y'know, people who actually cared about others, other than themselves for a change.
 
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BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
This check is taking so long.. I'm just waiting for an e-mail or phone call to tell me whether I got through the check or not.

I really hope they don't take two weeks to respond. I'm nervous and nauseous from early morning to the time I go to bed. So much rides on this.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I was born to fly away
And run across the sun
It faded out
Like a candle in the breeze
Fadin' out
Like I'm supposed to

So everyday I'm against the wall
With nowhere to turn to
And if I dare to believe at all
It leaves me deflated

My mind begins to strain
And my thoughts begin to run
I've played it out
I can't seem to find the peace
I've heard about
Am I not supposed to?

So every day I could lose it all
Don't let this concern you
So will you catch me if I fall
And keep me elated
It's not complicated

If I knew I could change it all
I'd hope that you waited
 
S

Sarah_M

1
Well, lines got crossed and the friendship became confusing. We had a long uncomfortable talk last night and he just wants a friend with benefits and is afraid of commitment; I'm not about that life. We decided to stay friends, but my feelings got hurt and I'm unsure if I even want that. I couldn't see myself marrying him and I found certain aspects of his personality annoying. It was a good talk - a necessary talk. He distracted me from my goals, anyway. I had a lot of fun with him, but I am glad we nipped this in the bud. I met with a new therapist today; we got on like a house on fire. I feel empowered to live my life and like I am finally about to fully live for the first time ever.

It started out sad, but today I feel happy and grateful :)
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
I often feel "lost" when i'm too long without the fantasy of tv or music.
Ha ha, the song "Running with the devil" has just started! Am i running with the tv/music i wonder :question:
Now playing "Slave to the Rhythm" album. Am I a slave to the rhythms of tv, internet, music, media :question:
'Never stop the action .. keep it up'
Now playing The Doors.
'Break on through to the other side' (get past the world of illusion)
 
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BlueDays

BlueDays

1
theslowesthand said:
I often feel "lost" when i'm too long without the fantasy of tv or music.
Ha ha, the song "Running with the devil" has just started! Am i running with the tv/music i wonder :question:
Now playing "Slave to the Rhythm" album. Am I a slave to the rhythms of tv, internet, music, media :question:
'Never stop the action .. keep it up'
Now playing The Doors.
'Break on through to the other side' (get past the world of illusion)
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Self-medication. :thumbup:
Music is a wonderful way to block out the horrors of this world.
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
Re: Meows

Psychedelicious said:
Ate so much today I can hardly breathe. I hate myself right now. 9_9
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oh I know that feeling. :kickingmyself:
I have found that doing some form of intense physical exercise afterwards does help relieve the guilt. Do you think that would make a difference for you, Psych?


*I don't mean literally straight after, as that is not healthy. Don't forget it's best to wait a little while because all of your blood has rushed to your stomach to aide in it's digestive work, and your leg/arm muscles will be straining during the exercise without a sufficient supply of blood*
 
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