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Old 07-21-2017
Mostly comes out at night...mostly.
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I made a friend and he's awesome. We're spending, like, all of our time together. He's intelligent, funny, cute... We agreed to be friends, but the lines are blurring. I don't want a boyfriend, but I feel like we're heading in that direction. We have such a good rapport - we talk like no one else exists. I don't know what's going to happen (especially since we're going to school), but I am having so much fun. He makes my life better
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Old 07-21-2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah_M View Post
I made a friend and he's awesome. We're spending, like, all of our time together. He's intelligent, funny, cute... We agreed to be friends, but the lines are blurring. I don't want a boyfriend, but I feel like we're heading in that direction. We have such a good rapport - we talk like no one else exists. I don't know what's going to happen (especially since we're going to school), but I am having so much fun. He makes my life better
^Good on you for following through on such a promising social interaction, Sarah_M! That takes bravery. I hope it works out for you!



WTF! This world is going down the drain quicker than I thought. A poor 5 year old girl and her father in Britain have been fined £180 by the local council for holding a lemonade stall!!!

The father said when the councillors handed him the paperwork for the fine, at their lemonade stall, his little girl started crying!

The father tweeted...
"Took 5 year old daughter to end of our road to run lemonade stand. Fined £180. She's now sobbing, 'I did a bad thing'. Thx"
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Old 07-22-2017
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Originally Posted by Graeme1988 View Post
While I get where yer coming from, saying this, I have to disagree. 41 isn't that old. But then I'm nearly 30.
Why i say that is due to my life beginning its descent into hell at ~40-41 yrs. Still trying to get out of this pit of misery 5 years later. Those 2 years especially, i was very suicidal, often every day, for those 2/so years. So i can kinda understand how some other guy could be similarly-afflicted at that age. A few years ago a distant relative of mine killed himself over a separation, at age 40. I don't know specifically what Chester was going through, whether it was depression or something else, but it was something major.
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Old 07-22-2017
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Why i say that is due to my life beginning its descent into hell at ~40-41 yrs. Still trying to get out of this pit of misery 5 years later. Those 2 years especially, i was very suicidal, often every day, for those 2/so years. So i can kinda understand how some other guy could be similarly-afflicted at that age. A few years ago a distant relative of mine killed himself over a separation, at age 40.
Sorry to hear about that relative. Seperations aren't the easiest to just bounce back from.

Anyway, I hope yer still trying to pull yerself outta that pit of misery. Don't give up on yerself.

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I don't know specifically what Chester was going through, whether it was depression or something else, but it was something major.
Well, according to his bandmates in Linkin Park, Chester took the news of Chris Cornell's death pretty hard. Since they were close friends. He also stated in an interview - don't know if it was recent or not - that he struggles depression and didn't cope with life very well.
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Old 07-23-2017
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I wish the voices would tell me it's going to be all right for a change.
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Old 07-24-2017
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"... we are not our bodies. We know our bodies die, and we know consciousness cannot, thus our consciousness (what we are) cannot be our bodies. The Bible calls it our spirit or soul.
You will die physically, but you will be born again ..."
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Old 07-24-2017
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I can be very critical of myself, and I never feel like I can distinguish between when I am justifiably critical, and when I am being irrationally so - "too hard on myself." I'll feel like I'm being thoughtless sometimes, and then later I will worry I am thinking too much, or the wrong way. Simply putting any thought into something doesn't make it thoughtful, or if it does thoughtfulness alone doesn't feel like enough. Carelessness, maybe, is the issue. If I do not put enough care into my thoughts I begin to run into trouble, because they will then reflect in my actions. Not always major things that I can immediately recognize as no-nos, but little things that have me wondering whether or not I really should have done that or said that.

My random thought.
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Old 07-25-2017
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I feel like I need to vent and talk about my problems with someone, and I don't mean a therapist. I'm so terrified of being judged for the issues I have created for myself, along with the physical issues I have to deal with on a daily basis. I feel like a horrible ****ing person sometimes. The only person I'm really hurting is myself. I can't ever talk about what I'm really dealing with right now to anyone. I'm scared of what might happen. I certainly can't post anything here. How can I change things for myself if I can't even tell anyone what's going on? I hate myself so much sometimes. :(
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Old 07-25-2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychedelicious View Post
I feel like I need to vent and talk about my problems with someone, and I don't mean a therapist. I'm so terrified of being judged for the issues I have created for myself, along with the physical issues I have to deal with on a daily basis. I feel like a horrible ****ing person sometimes. The only person I'm really hurting is myself. I can't ever talk about what I'm really dealing with right now to anyone. I'm scared of what might happen. I certainly can't post anything here. How can I change things for myself if I can't even tell anyone what's going on? I hate myself so much sometimes. :(
Well what about PMing sby on here? I've got a shitload of problems myself, and i've written some pretty horrific stuff on my puter in just the last few days (which i dare not write on here! ). So I can listen, and am understanding & not judgemental.
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Old 07-25-2017
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I think eventually one/more of the following will cause me to do myself in:
- depression
- boredom
- hopelessness
- people
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Old 07-25-2017
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The day i die will be the day i start living

Last edited by theslowesthand; 07-26-2017 at 06:50 AM.
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Old 07-25-2017
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Sleep and dream of this
Death angelís kiss
Brings final bliss
Completely

Empty they say
Death, wonít you let me stay?

Empty they say
Death, hear me call your name
Call your name...

...Suicide
Iíve already died
Youíre just the funeral
Iíve been waiting for

...Cyanide
Living dead inside
Break this empty shell forevermore

Wait, wait patiently
Your death black wings
Unfolding sleep
Spreading oíer me
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Old 07-26-2017
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You live more from birth to the age of ten than from age ten to a hundred.
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Old 07-26-2017
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Don't think I'll be around much longer at this rate. I really don't. The stress. The constantly being let down. Being made out to be the bad guy, even when I've done nothing wrong. Being told I shouldn't get angry when all I get are excuses from family, most of the time, when I ask for something to be done. These pathetic, self-pitying, woe-is-me excuses. Yet, my family claim they'd do anything for me... Ha! Only if they can use it against me in future if I say something criticial of them

My week-long stint in hospital last year was the only time I saw the good in people. Y'know, people who actually cared about others, other than themselves for a change.

Last edited by Graeme1988; 07-26-2017 at 12:18 PM.
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Old 07-27-2017
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Ate so much today I can hardly breathe. I hate myself right now. 9_9
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Old 07-27-2017
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This check is taking so long.. I'm just waiting for an e-mail or phone call to tell me whether I got through the check or not.

I really hope they don't take two weeks to respond. I'm nervous and nauseous from early morning to the time I go to bed. So much rides on this.
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Old 07-27-2017
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I was born to fly away
And run across the sun
It faded out
Like a candle in the breeze
Fadin' out
Like I'm supposed to

So everyday I'm against the wall
With nowhere to turn to
And if I dare to believe at all
It leaves me deflated

My mind begins to strain
And my thoughts begin to run
I've played it out
I can't seem to find the peace
I've heard about
Am I not supposed to?

So every day I could lose it all
Don't let this concern you
So will you catch me if I fall
And keep me elated
It's not complicated

If I knew I could change it all
I'd hope that you waited
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Old 07-27-2017
Mostly comes out at night...mostly.
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Well, lines got crossed and the friendship became confusing. We had a long uncomfortable talk last night and he just wants a friend with benefits and is afraid of commitment; I'm not about that life. We decided to stay friends, but my feelings got hurt and I'm unsure if I even want that. I couldn't see myself marrying him and I found certain aspects of his personality annoying. It was a good talk - a necessary talk. He distracted me from my goals, anyway. I had a lot of fun with him, but I am glad we nipped this in the bud. I met with a new therapist today; we got on like a house on fire. I feel empowered to live my life and like I am finally about to fully live for the first time ever.

It started out sad, but today I feel happy and grateful
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Old 07-28-2017
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I often feel "lost" when i'm too long without the fantasy of tv or music.
Ha ha, the song "Running with the devil" has just started! Am i running with the tv/music i wonder
Now playing "Slave to the Rhythm" album. Am I a slave to the rhythms of tv, internet, music, media
'Never stop the action .. keep it up'
Now playing The Doors.
'Break on through to the other side' (get past the world of illusion)

Last edited by theslowesthand; 07-28-2017 at 09:36 AM.
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Old 07-28-2017
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I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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row, row, row your boat, swiftly down the drain **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
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