Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

BlueDays

BlueDays

1
Sarah_M said:
Yesterday was my last day in my now former department at work - nervous about Monday. I really hope I can handle this, but I just need to be brave and do my best.

I signed up to take my placement test for college - I feel like things are finally moving in the right direction and all that talk for months is now being followed through by action. While I'm there, I'm going to ask about the driver's training classes too, so that's good.

My mom said she had a vision about me while in twilight (lol). It was about me graduating college and afterward, my husband (who was also a medical professional), proposed we move to Hawaii because he was going to make a lot of money there, so we did and my mom said she flew in all the time to visit and I looked really happy...

It's a silly thing to believe, but the thought of being successful AND happy in the future is a wonderful thought, so as delusional as it may seem, I am going to hope that happens for me because all I ever wanted was a happy ending.
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^ Good luck for Monday, Sarah_M :thumbup:
You can't be expected to do any better than your best. :)
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
Apparently the man who invented the 'Hawaiian' Pizza has passed away.
That is the only Pizza I like.

https://www.thestar.com/news/canada...-pizza-sam-panopoulos-has-died-at-age-83.html

haw.png
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Just want to share that i'm creating an "early-childhood" (ie for me it's the 70s) music playlist. I just like the unique "feel" (for me) that much of the 70s music had. A soft-rock feel. That music seems to go up to ~1982. It starts ~1970 or thereabouts. Ideally i'd like to be able to play them in a random order. Not sure how exactly to do that yet. Or else i'll just create a single playlist on my youtube account. At present, i'm slowly collecting youtube links to individual songs, adding their release date. What i'm after is something like a modern classic-hits radio station feel, or even better, a radio station back in the 70s, playing the latest (70s) music, and perhaps some 50s & 60s too.
 
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Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
You and me both, Kiwong. Though, I've been fighting a losing battle for much of my life. But that's another story.
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It's infuriating and frightening all at the same isn't Graeme. Your mind says enough to it but the torture goes on.

Instead of water torture, it's people torture.
 
Psychedelicious

Psychedelicious

1
Spinning spinning spun spun

I've lost myself a little bit, lost myself in this madness. I don't know why I do these things to myself honestly, but I'm not going to lie about it. I hate that I want to be spun out to ****, it's not what I wanted for myself. Is this who I am now, or the end of me? I don't know. It's not every single day, but this past month and a half or so it's been more days than it hasn't. I don't know who I am anymore. It's been a week and the craving is as strong as the struggle. I have been getting sleep and eating this week, and as refreshing as that has been it really is not enough for me to end it. I don't know if I should tomorrow or not. I don't even know how much I care about myself anymore and maybe this is how I am showing it.

I've changed so much from what I used to be, but I do not like how I have managed to do so. I suppose I found my own way however strange it may be. I hate how much it works for my social anxiety. I hate how much I dread to be alone sometimes. I'm not a bad person, but I'm just not sure who I am right now. I am making friends for the first time in a long time, but I'm still wondering if this at all the right way to go about it. There's also the fact that I'm wondering how much I even care right now. God damn it, why am I doing this! I'm probably going back tomorrow, it's another day.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
So I am considering going on medication, I am considering going on sick leave. I can't face the environment I work in everyday and the people who are around me.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
BlueDays said:
Why are so many humans so mean and cruel to each other? :thumbdown:

It is so unnecessary.

It's so selfish.

I guess the question should be...Why are so many humans SO SELFISH?
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Because they're c*nts. :thumbdown: Sorry. That's my conclusion, at least. Having dealt with mean, cruel folk frequently in my life thus far. Jelousy, perhaps? Narcissism? Or insecurity? :question: :idontknow:
 
S

Sarah_M

1
John Murphy did a really good job on the 28 Days Later and the 28 Weeks Later soundtracks.

https://youtu.be/0iU5LQ5R7Ms

I have 5 days off from work which is nice - I enjoy working 12 hour shifts because it keeps me from thinking too much. I might become a workaholic for a bit because there's a lot of overtime to be had.

Work is getting better - my anxiety is easing with each day, but I am still going to try hypnosis again. I really am getting tired of not feeling normal and over apologizing, over analyzing, being over critical of myself - just over everything lol. My hormones have a lot to do with it too, which sucks. I just emailed my doctor to see if my results are normal or not.

The guy I like at work isn't interested in me and has a girlfriend, but I am thankful for him because he keeps me motivated. I am being really consistent with my workouts and eating because I think about him and how I want to get his attention, but it's really not for him, it's for me. I have wanted this for so long. I will have the body of my dreams and am already noticing improvements in my physique, but also in how I feel in general. I am the healthiest I have ever been.

I will still need plastic surgery, but that's okay because I will be able to afford it after I graduate. I'm still in metamorphosis, but am getting closer to being a butterfly with each passing day.

Thank you to everyone on this site - you guys have always been the best. I'm so grateful to this site because it's been such a good emotional dumpster/source of support over the years, so thank you so much again everyone - I love you guys.
 
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