Please help.Need some perspective

cind

New member
I was passive aggressively bullied by a 3 so-called friends in college so much that my grades and health failed miserably. They would unleash their anger, frustrations and insecurities on me and not feel a tinge of remorse or guilt.Of course other days they would be SUPER SWEET AND NICE to me.Like this I took crap from each girl at different points of time for almost a year and a half.Like a doormat I tolerated everything as I am very tolerant, patient and capable of taking a lot of crap. Things reached a point where I felt so uncomfortable that I couldn't hang out with them anymore and started distancing myself from them. They called me out numerous times with their sweet , angelic voices but I made up some excuse or the other. This infuriated two of the girls, made them very angry and they stopped talking to me.Then, nearing graduation time, one of the girls who had violated my privacy in a gross manner before tried violating it again. This made me loose my patience of 2 years.This angered me and also at the same time scared me. I was worried that she would keep violating my privacy in the future as well as she did not seem to have any shame at all. I made a decision. A few months back I had heard some very disrespectful comments this girl had made about the other two. I called up one of the girls and told her about the comments and felt very very satisfied after keeping the phone down.

I cut all contacts with them after graduation.I suffered severe stress at the hands of these girls during college.Once I graduated the stress and memories spilled into my professional life as well. I developed memory,focus problems due to not eating and sleeping properly during college etc. I simply couldn't get the memories out of my head.I ruined my career by not being able to focus on my work.

On top of that , I felt very very guilty of my actions like informing them about the disrespectful comments. I also started questioning my decision of refusing to hang out with them when they asked me out in their angelic voices.

I am right now ruining my life royally.I don't know why I am giving these girls so much importance. I am guessing it is because of my very low self esteem. Why do I feel so bad for turning them down multiple times when they asked me to hang out with them? I keep thinking "oh, they were so sweet to me when they asked me out to hang out with them. i shouldn't have turned them down".

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
I really need to let go of the past and move on. I don't want this college incident to become my identity. what should I do? I don't know what is right and wrong.

Please help.
 

laure15

Well-known member
Hi, I remember reading your previous 2 posts about these girls from college.
I have also been through almost continuous bullying and name-calling for almost 3 years, and I'm still trying to get over them. Recovery isn't overnight. It takes time to heal. The more severe the trauma and/or the deeper the wounds, the more time and healing is required.
 
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