Please be honest with me.

Insect said:

i would suggest rejection therapy. intentionally make someone say no to you at least once a day. example - ask someone at a shop if you can have something for free. its fun and worked for me in the past.

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This sounds like a great idea but admittedly the thought is terrifying. No one said it would be easy, but... I think I would wimp out! Just imagining how stupid I would look haha

Please don't kill yourself, please! I was like you 2 years ago, and it DOES get better. I happened accros forum accidently, and I believe I was meant to read your post. You'll meet your soul mate in just over a year.
Just hold on!
Donnam

I am exactly the same. With 1-1 I am fine but add another to the mix and I really struggle doesn't make sense. I am trying to force myself to talk to new people its not easy but I am trying. Joined a dating site and have chatted to quite a few women not met any face to face yet but I will, I have to a least give it a proper go.
As for a boost before you go out there are loads of drugs for that but you always feel bad the day after. Then you want to feel good like the night before so you take some more and before you know it you are taking them 24/7. Drugs are not the answer and never will be. You will have to help yourself and I have no advice for that as I am struggling with the same thing myself.

andy316 said:

I have just about had it with social anxiety. This is by far the worst thing that is stopping me from so many things. I constantly think about what people think of me, over analyze everything, and I cannot stop my brain from doing it. I am great with 1-on-1, but it all goes downhill when you include another person.

I don't care what medication it is..please tell me what REALLY worked for you. It could be ABSOLUTELY anything. I will have my break in winter, and I am gonna do whatever I can before next year.

To be honest I am at the brink of mental collapse..if I have to live like this(with no friends, no one around me here at campus), I am probably going to kill myself. I have no intention of leaving like this and if my parents regret whatever they have done to me later, then justice has been served.

EDIT:Just to add, I could definitely go with something that you can take it before going out/social event. I would only use that before going out. Anyone has some good recommendations?

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I will tell you now with brutal honesty, from experience and from what my psychiatrists and counsellers and case managers have told me- Social Anxiety Disorder can never be cured, but its effects on our lives can be reduced, though never fully removed. Over my entire life, no matter how many times I think I have nearly recovered, I realised that the moment I stop fighting against this disorder, it will grow back to full strength very quickly. It can only be suppressed, not eliminated. I suppress it through escapism and binge eating, by indulging in fantasies and virtual worlds.

You've got me

You've described me, with your words.

OK, maybe about 20% that we are the same, but you hit all the notes.

I see your critiques as way-off, so far.

The 1-1 has been at the core of my life from day one. As you say. Threesome is OK for a few minutes / hours together. I'd never be able to go holiday by myself. Lived with between 6 or 8 in a house. Didn't like it. When others tried to take over and set the rules... I did. I made enemies.

Big party / festival is fine for me, when we're all there for a reason. School, hospital and prison are the best places for me to function.

99% of my life has been 1-1 conversation, then, later, another 1-1, with someone else...

I really can't cope with authority who think they're clever and block my path: recruiter / employers... it gets worst and more contaminated. Dirty world. The people I encounter are below me. They run away from me. Mentally - socially - not necessarily physically. Trying my best to limit this to a few words...

Talking and writing far too much is my major weakness. Nobody wants to know. Alienated weirdo. I see the verdict in their eyes. Their scorn. Their frowns. Can't hear what people say. Mumble..... They can't understand what I say. I wish I could fix it. I always try.

Life was fine until I was ~~ 27
I am rejected.

If you're still around to read this, here goes:

I have the same problem. I don't feel safe outside of my house. Everywhere I go, I'm on alert for any threats. Very rarely do I feel completely relaxed outside of home. I like 1-1 conversations because people can be more honest. But group discussions feel a bit shallow to me because people say socially desirable things just to be accepted.

I don't think I can ever fully eliminate SA; there will always be social situations that take me out of my comfort zone. And I am not fearless. But I'm trying to find ways to lower my SA to a controllable level.

I guess people going through such situations need to be more socialize and have friend with whom they could spend some time making fun and enjoying life. As these sort of probs are always there when people tends to alone and not meet much of people in their daily routine.

nosferatu said:

I've decided that I'm going to kill myself (I already have it planned out) next year if things continue like this. I'm going to make one last effort to improve my life and if it doesn't work out, then it's over. I just can't take it anymore.

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I am agoraphobiatic too but I am not planning to do that.. I know that we can bear this.. God is merciful. I am praying for you.

andy316 said:

I have just about had it with social anxiety. This is by far the worst thing that is stopping me from so many things. I constantly think about what people think of me, over ****yze everything, and I cannot stop my brain from doing it. I am great with 1-on-1, but it all goes downhill when you include another person.

I don't care what medication it is..please tell me what REALLY worked for you. It could be ABSOLUTELY anything. I will have my break in winter, and I am gonna do whatever I can before next year.

To be honest I am at the brink of mental collapse..if I have to live like this(with no friends, no one around me here at campus), I am probably going to kill myself. I have no intention of leaving like this and if my parents regret whatever they have done to me later, then justice has been served.

EDIT:Just to add, I could definitely go with something that you can take it before going out/social event. I would only use that before going out. Anyone has some good recommendations?

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I have the SAME exact problems. Constant anxiety. My brain over ****yzes everything. I can't even sleep at night.

what i've tried:

Kolonpin. I actually don't enjoy taking medications but I feel it reduces my anxiety.
Relaxing music. I try to get into a meditative state and relax.

I try listening to social anxiety video advice tips on youtube ... I haven't found anything that really helps yet.

Best of luck to you.

You need an intense ego death.

I think that the problem is that there is a number of people who are simply a bit shy and afraid, which is perfectly normal. But they don't want to admit that, or want more attention, so they make themself believe that they got SA, which makes it far worse for them than it is.
It's as if, for example, they are at the ocean in the summer, and as they dip their feet into the water they think that it's a bit cold. And some people now just say "ah, I won't swim today", and others will convince themselves that they have some mental disorder and physically distorted nerves that makes them highly sensitive and afraid of slightly cool water, so that they won't be able to touch cold water for the next few decades. Instead of just taking a swim, realizing that it's normal that the water is cold at first, and that their body and mind quickly adapts.

And with that, they might feel better, because suddenly people are saying "awww poor you that must be horrible with your nerve system and cold water sensitivity, awwwwww" and they have an excuse for everything and whatnot. But in the end, the damage they cause to themselves because of the limits they voluntarily put up is far greater.

Winja said:

Early nights (if you can), breakfasts, multi vitamins and exercise help a tiny bit. But it's not a cure.

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I agree with this and would like to add a few more, which i came across in a classic text on Yoga.

Its says.. right/regulated food, right recreation, right habits, right work, right dreams (This also with reference to sleep) that shall wake us up, is verily Yoga which destroys suffering!

Here everything like food, recreation, habits, work, dreams(aims & goals) & sleep.. have subtle influences on us at first they may not be known but over a period of time they take effect and becomes the part of yourself.

So a big yes to Winja's suggestions!

Flanscho said:

I think that the problem is that there is a number of people who are simply a bit shy and afraid, which is perfectly normal. But they don't want to admit that, or want more attention, so they make themself believe that they got SA, which makes it far worse for them than it is.

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I wonder about this as well... pretty often, actually.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/11/opinion/11iht-edlane.1.13635801.html?_r=0

^This article that would seem to explain a little bit about that.

When the difference between shyness and SA is the 'level' of anxiety felt, then it would seem to follow that you should be asking yourself what a 'normal' level of stress/anxiety is, and what level is appropriate to different situations.

But even if you're doing this, there are always going to be people who are just wired to do well in those situations... so you'll always be able to make yourself look disadvantaged by comparing yourself to those people, which leads to the idea that you're supposed to be like those people and the fact that you aren't means that something is terribly wrong with you.

I know that public speaking is considered by most people to be more stressful than dying... and yet it would seem that it's possible for someone's fear of public speaking to mean that they fit the criteria for SA. It's not so difficult to say 'but my fear is stronger than everyone else's', even though you don't actually know how anyone else feels or even if you're actually coming off the same way everyone else is coming off when you're doing your presentation, or whatever.

That's why I never understand the people who point to things like leadership camps or Toastmasters or PUA or 'just going out' as 'cures' for SA-- to me it seems like they're just learning how to deal with anxieties that absolutely everyone has and situations that are supposed to be stressful.