doogiebklyn said:
Hello
I was good as long as the focus was on business, including presentations. Where I really struggled was after work activities, like having drinks with coworkers or after a trade show, lunch with customers, and other social situations. I would tend to make an appearance and then head up to my hotel room and order room service. I am fine one on one but tend to fade away in groups.
I used to work in jobs that involved public service, which were not good fits for me. I could not deal with angry customers, constant interaction with strangers, feeling like I was on constant view of everyone coming in the front door, the sexual harassment from male clients, etc. The more uncomfortable and anxious I became about the job, the less effort I put into my work until I was completely burned out and quit.
After that I purposely chose a job where I would be working one-on-one with a case load of clients I would get to know very well. Now I'm a mental health counselor. It's turned out to be a very good fit for me, though the stressful aspects of the job (such as dealing with a schizophrenic person in an agitated, psychotic state) is not always a very healthy situation for me. My co-workers and my clients tell me I am very good it. I'm comfortable interacting with my co-workers because I've gotten to know them well and they are pretty open, friendly people. I'm comfortable with my clients because I have a lot of empathy for what they are experiencing, and I think they appreciate that. Many of them suffer from social anxiety in addition to a psychotic disorder. While my co-workers tell me I appear guarded or defensive, my clients tell me I am friendly and "real". There is a joke in the mental health services industry that many mental health professionals are mentally ill themselves, or seek social validation from clients. I think there is a lot of truth to that, because sometimes I feel like more comfortable interacting with my clients than I do with my friends or family! I never feel like they are judging me. They constantly give me positive feedback and thank me for my services to them. Many of them have faced constant rejection and humiliation since childhood, so a little bit of kindness and empathy go a long way. It makes me feel like a good person who makes a valuable contribution to society, and therefore I feel less social anxiety at work because I feel confident and respected by others because of what I do.
The only time I struggle is when managers or co-workers are not supportive or respectful toward me. I had one boss in particular that has a wide-spread reputation for being very nasty and aggressive in general, and I was always anxious and stressed while around her. Sometimes I would have an anxiety attack after receiving a phone call from her. I would blush and tremble while talking to her sometimes, even at times when I felt confident that I was doing good work and was viewed as a good employee. While other people were merely annoyed or even amused by her behavior, I was terrified that she might say or do something nasty to me, which she actually did a few times. I did not feel she did a very good job at recognizing or respecting my problem with social anxiety, which is odd because she is a mental health counselor herself. My current boss, thank goodness, is very considerate and seems to know how to put me at ease.
The only other time I struggle is when co-workers start asking personal questions. For example, one invited me out to lunch, which I thought was really nice until they said "I don't know much about you. Tell me about yourself." I told him as much as I could think of without even a second thought, but afterward he told me I was guarded! I honestly didn't know what more he could possibly wish to know, and it made me quite uncomfortable. I didn't feel like he had any less information about me than I did about him! Then he told me that all of my co-workers sat around talking about me one day, wondering what my life was like, who I was dating, etc. That made me pretty self-conscious, as you can imagine. He said he meant it in a positive way, but I found it hard to take in a positive way! And what's more, that's at least the second time that has happened to me in the work place. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since I'm no stranger to participating in office gossip. It would be hypocritical of me to think they wouldn't talk about me. But usually I gossip about people's quirky or problematic behavior at work, which is plainly visible to everyone and affects the immediate situation, not whatever they do in their personal lives. For me, that's always off limits and none of my business, so it weirds me out that my co-workers think my personal life is fair game.
Anyway, my point is, I get along fine at work as long as I have some autonomy, privacy, positive feedback and camaraderie with my co-workers. Without that, I find it difficult to get along.
