Opening up (do you ever regret it)

At one time in my life i would be very secrative about myself and mylife to other people when speaking to them, but now i find myself just talking TOO openly and i hate it, i go away from the conversation regreating so many things that i have said and wish i didnt and not realy knowing why i said them.

One of the reasons i feel i do it is because i can talk openly on this forum and people understand and reply but outside people just give me that look or just pretend they know what iam talking about just to stop me looking stupid, i dont want to go back to my secrative self, i also feel iam doing it in the hope i find someone out there who truely understands me, i feel so fucked up just now, i ve had a brilliant past 2 weeks just feeling good and feeling on top of things for once and then this afternoon it just hit me again going back to the old "pretending to be happy" me.

Hi Scottish:

I totally understand how you feel. Actually yesterday was one of those days where I talked to a friend, and said some personal things about my SA and then I felt really bad about it. My friends try to understand, but I can't help getting this feeling that they might see me as really weird when I talk about certain things. :roll:

And the "pretending to be happy", same goes here.

I hope you feel better soon.

I know how you feel mate, im always cautious about what i say especially if its about myself

I think if you express something you become more confident in that department over time

I have days where i could tell the whole world my problems and i have days where its all in supression, maybe your just having an off day

Your morale ect

Well the fact that i hate talking about myself to anyone because im so ashamed 1 to 1, i could be a millionairre and still feel ashamed about myself
You need to just go let it out i say =) and hope you feel better soon

Hi Scottish player. I know how you feel about feeling fucked up,I pretty much feel the same at the moment. I have opened up to people in the past ie,such as counsellors and I've never regretted it or felt stupid. Infact I found it helped me a great deal to open up And if something's troubling you so much that its badly affecting your life or how you feel then I don't think it doe's anything good to keep it all bottled up inside like a pressure cooker. There are some things that you just have to open up about in order to feel better or move on with your life. If you feel the need to open up,then do so. There's nothing wrong in talking about your feelings if you feel the need to. I totally understand and I'm sure everyone else on this forum does too

I just feel sometimes that if i share how iam with other people then they will understand the way iam because of it, but even although they act understanding at the time i dont think they truely understand it, i think with SA/SP and depresion and stuff you really need to have been through it too understand it.

I told someone somthing the other day that i truley truely regret and have no way of taking it back, i dont even wanna say what it is on here but thats one of the main things just now thats getting me down, because what i told the person about i didnt really get the chance to explain myself enought and now they have the thought that iam a total nutter :roll:

I do like talking to people and getting it all out like you say Neebo but i only like doing it if i feel the other person really understands me and is not just sitting there feeling sorry for me.

Awe well as they say ""Time is a healer" :roll:

Thanks for the replies, i just needed a little moan :?

i think sometimes its about what u tell people. people r wierd creatures, and dotn really think about what u told em in the right light. for instance telling people u have SA is alwasy a bad move, coz they'l just take it as, 'oh he/her has got brain problem' without knowing what its like, its the noprmal thing to assume. telling people ur grandad died (if on the topic) is something people can relate to, so they'll know how u mean it. like on here we can talk about SA coz we can relate.
its good to talk and express yourself, but keep it open, not specific's. i told someone at my old job about my SA, h would just take the piss, n after i though 'y the fuck did i tell u anyways? ur an ashole!'.
hope that helped

I try and be careful about who I tell about sp. But I can so relate to whats written here that sometimes you would just like someone else to understand, but I guess if they havent been through it then they wont get it. I avoid this topic by saying "i'm in therapy" but I wont elaborate what for, and then I only tell people that if I have to.

Depends who im talking to,as it can make you feel weak talking about your problems,i personally dont have any regrets(that i can remember).

Often

I'm starting to think that opening up is a good thing! Because sometimes I think, 'ok what if I die tomorrow and I leave this world without anyone ever knowing a thing about me'. Morbid but true. It makes me feel less isolated if I tell people about myself, whether on the internet or in the real world. And yet, I kick myself for it when I have to deal with people telling others, bringing it up again. etc. etc. Its double-edged sword eh?

i hate being open about myself. i feel vulnarable and ashamed. it feels even worse if the person iam talking to doesnt acknowledge or reciprocates with their own feelings. it makes me feel like they dont want to get to know me and i feel really really rejected.

It's really difficult opening up to people, and it's even worse trying to find someone you can trust to confide in.
Sometimes it's just easier to bottle it all up, but you can't spend forever pretending to be happy, I know that one too well.
I used to confide in people, online and in real life, and they all turned against me, or thought I was too much hassle as a friend. So I stopped telling people how I really feel. But I told a friend some stuff last night that I've never told anyone, and the sky didn't fall down, and he wasn't horrible to me about it. I guess you just gotta find the right people to confide in. Cos bottling everything up forever isn't good.

Naomi x

I get confused about this kind of thing
sometimes I think I should be more open, because being defensive and closed sends out unfriendly signals.
I sometimes wonder if I was braver and talked openly about my problems...would I find them easier?

i've never been open about my feelings with anyone. it's hard for me to make close friends so i don't have anyone to talk to. i'm afraid that when i talk about personal stuff i will be laught at. idon't think anyone who never experienced sp would understand. but i know i have to let it out somehow. all those feelings hate anger loneliness are inside me sometimes i feel like i'm gonna blow up

Nope.

If they can't take it or accept it in you, move on. There ain't enough time left (for me anyway) for that sh:t.

My boss told a client that I was socially inept and that I might not attend his housewrming party for the house I helped design for him (how stupid would that be?). When I finally talked to the client, he went on for (15) minutes about how he suffers from the same thing. When I got to the party, which was today, I was warmly welcomed by people I thought couldn't stand me. Everyone was quite friendly.

Got a hug from my bosses wife, the client's wife, and the interior designer who I thought, thought I was totally incompetent.

Good on me for a change, dammit. There's hope.

Toot loudly when you have a success - it helps everyone here (or it should).

:wink:

I think we should all try and tell at least one other person if we can about our social anxiety. By coming out of hiding we are in a sense moving to a place of self acceptance. We conceal ourselves because we're ashamed of ourselves but by revealing ourselves we are taking a major step in letting go of that shame and healing ourselves. You only hide what your ashamed of and if we continue to be ashamed of ourselves we can not develop real confidence, self esteem and self acceptance and self healing.

At best those that we come out to will accept us and understand us better which may improve our relationships with them. By being accepted by others in this way it will make us feel better about ourselves and more accepting of ourselves too.

At worst other people will be unsympathetic but we'll still be releasing the shame just the same by revealing our real selves. The more people we tell the more we are accepting ourselves, warts and all, faults and all, unfinished and still struggling. Be sensible in who you decide to tell though eg it's not a good idea to confide in the work's gossip or the school bully.

If we tell someone else about our problem its like we are accepting the fact we have this problem, were accepting the fact we have nothing to be ashamed of and we're accepting ourselves for who we are whether others like it or not.

" I have a fear of social situations and embarrasing myself in front of other people. I also feel inferior and unimportant most of the time. I feel disliked and judged by other people and I really wish I didn't have this feel like this, but hey ... this is me!"

Break the silence and risk being found out!

PS the reason why people are so ignorant to sa is that saers keep the silence cyle well oiled.

Always.

hey Scottish...i feel like that too...and i go from not saying anything to overthinking and thinking i said too much, and when i get talking sometimes, i stumble over my words...and they come out all funny, in my attempt at conversation....then i feel stupid :roll:......then i think sometimes...i know so many people..at work...in my family...whatever....that are loud..always voicing their opinion.....sometimes bullying...sometimes rude...and i think...just because you are louder...and more comfortable socially...doesn't make you a better person.. :wink:

lonesomeboy said:

i hate being open about myself. i feel vulnarable and ashamed. it feels even worse if the person iam talking to doesnt acknowledge or reciprocates with their own feelings. it makes me feel like they dont want to get to know me and i feel really really rejected.

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Same here :? But I think this has something to do with developing paranoia over the years. We got to accept every person is different, and if he feels in a certain way when being in a certain situation, this is their way, not ours. Every individual has his oppinions, and if it contradicts ours, that doesn't mean he is wright and we are wrong, it's just a matter of tastes, way of thinking and personality.

And about opening up on people, I would open up on them, but my SP is a weak spot in me and by telling others your weaknesess you are more vulnarable and they can use that against you. I had many past experiences like that by telling people stupid things I did or my weak spots and it did me nothing good.

Even if i confesed it to people i trusted and though of as real friends, they would still used it to brake the balance in their favor in a confruntation or to gossip and laugh about. But I guess I didn't find the wright person who can keep a secret and help me with my problem.

So opening up is out of the question, the only place I open up is on this forum among people who understand and won't jugde me.