SocialPhobiaWorld.com  
     

Home Today's Posts Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
 
Go Back   SocialPhobiaWorld.com > Off-Topic Forums > Friendship & Love
 
Search this Thread
Old 1 Week Ago
dutchguy's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hot_Tamale View Post
After a whole bunch of ghosting and ignored messages when I was a part of the OKC community I slowly came to this belief: The founders and operators of these dating sites aren't invested in curing our lonliness, they're invested in taking our money. And the more time we spend on their dumb website, the more likely it is we'll keep giving them money. Let me get this straight: with all of the mind-blowing technological advancements of our age y'all still can't design a dating app that provides a better than 5-10% chance of having my message answered? Shrink a users inbox to a maximum of 5 messages and don't allow more to be sent to them until they've been dealt with, or SOME type of negative reinforcement to make messaging seem less like carpet bombing to the sender! My stay on OKC skewed my outlook on the world of dating because I don't believe anymore there is any dating app/site anywhere primarily meant to help me find someone. The industry is fueled by greed and the preying on emotions.
Oh, absolutely! Back in the early days of OKCupid, I used to have plenty of conversations and even dates... but then online dating became mainstream and turned into an industry to exploit the lonely. I've heard plenty of people say that these days you have a much better chance of meeting someone IRL than on any dating site, and I tend to agree with them.

Of course, dating sites still have to result in a success story every once in a while for people to actually use them, but in general they thrive on keeping people in a perpetual loop of messaging and getting ghosted.
dutchguy is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to dutchguy For This Useful Post:
Hot_Tamale (1 Week Ago)
Old 1 Week Ago
OceanMist's Avatar
Elite User
 

To Hot Tamale: I totally agree that it's all about money for these sites.

They could care less whether someone finds someone.

It's a business, I knew that coming into this whole thing, so I'm not really mad about it or anything. It is what it is.

The dating sites love guys like me. Loners who are looking for a gal. People like me tend to turn to online dating at least a few times in their life

Of course guys tend to have more money (i know i myself am not rich as i stated) and guys are WAY more willing to pony up money to find a woman so these sites bank off of men swarming these sites so the ratios are totally tilted in women's favor.

Something I've noticed on match . com is it lets me see who has read my message yet.

I wasn't too surprised when I scanned down a list of women that i messaged and so many of them hadn't read my message like 2 days after i sent the message.

It was like a list of my sent messages that say "not yet read" like 5 or 6 women in a row it says that in my sent messages list.

What's happening is these women are being swarmed by messages.

I think there are cases where the woman literally doesn't even see my message and I don't blame her because she is responding to 20 new guys a day tossing messages at her.

It becomes impossible keep up with that many emails. It's no wonder so many of these women delete their accounts shortly after signing up.

What I don't like is this: Me and many other guys can attest to this. We usually read our emails. It's just totally different as a guy. If a girl initiates the message, there is pretty much a guarantee i will read that email within two days.

But when you flip it around the girl gets a message from a new guy and that message often never gets read....ever.

Then you see what's happening. Not only are there way less women on these sites than men, we have women that aren't even reading our message attempts.

The odds of finding someone as a male start getting pretty bad. Even for a guy sending a decent amount of messages.
OceanMist is offline  
Old 1 Week Ago
OceanMist's Avatar
Elite User
 

What happened today has happened so many times and it is so frustrating.

I get a wink on match . com from a girl with a girl's name so I figure, sweet, let's see their profile and maybe I might like her.

I open up the profile and find out she's a transexual. It is a man. They even sprinkled in their guy's name near the end of the profile (luckily they did say this which clarified they are a man).

Look i have nothing against those type of people, but do you know how frustrating it is to have so many guys using women's name as their user name and showing interest in me only to click their profile and find out it is a man that is showing dating interest in me?

It seriously is like a punch in the face.

I also believe it shows us how bad it is for men out there, that so many of them turn to being a woman just so they can have someone to talk to.
OceanMist is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to OceanMist For This Useful Post:
Bronson99 (1 Week Ago)
Old 1 Week Ago
Hot_Tamale's Avatar
Advanced User
 

@oceanmist
No kidding, I can't even laugh at your misfortune because I've been "punched in the face" a lot too.

I'm talking with a girl near my own age for about a month. Things are going smoothly and she agrees to go out with me. I take the day off of work 2 weeks in advance and ask her "okay, let's hammer out the details of where we will meet, etc etc" I get into the shower after I send her that text confirming our first date. When I get out of the shower I see a text from her saying she doesn't want to do this anymore, she's sorry, and I never hear from her again. She even deleted her OKC profile.

I'm chatting with a girl I get along fantastic with. It even got to the point where she hadn't given me her phone number yet and still messaged me on the website asking where I was after I didn't message her for a full day. It made me feel wanted. Fast forward a little less than a month later...I get this text: "my ex texted me" I remember where I was and what I was doing, it's like the memory of receiving that text message is burned into my skull forever. You can guess where my relationship went with her from that point on.

To come so, so, so, so close to a date (first in my life in my case) and have it collapse like that makes me want to curse at the top of my lungs.
Hot_Tamale is offline  
Old 1 Week Ago
Bronson99's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by OceanMist View Post
I mean I'm fine with what I have but you know what? apparently any women who is halfway decent looking isn't fine with what i have.

To say it's not all about money at this point is kind of lying to me.
I told you the entire online thing is about money, months ago. All sites, everywhere. Guys who look model-esque can do what they want, though. But if you're not a model the next thing they look for is money. That's it. On one site I had women from out-of-state sending long emails asking "what's your occupation?" in the first message.

At least you believe me now.

Get out of the game entirely. How else will you be able to keep yourself from becoming blackhearted, cynical, and angry all the time? How else can you keep your self-esteem?
Bronson99 is offline  
Old 1 Week Ago
dutchguy's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hot_Tamale View Post
@oceanmist
No kidding, I can't even laugh at your misfortune because I've been "punched in the face" a lot too.

I'm talking with a girl near my own age for about a month. Things are going smoothly and she agrees to go out with me. I take the day off of work 2 weeks in advance and ask her "okay, let's hammer out the details of where we will meet, etc etc" I get into the shower after I send her that text confirming our first date. When I get out of the shower I see a text from her saying she doesn't want to do this anymore, she's sorry, and I never hear from her again. She even deleted her OKC profile.

I'm chatting with a girl I get along fantastic with. It even got to the point where she hadn't given me her phone number yet and still messaged me on the website asking where I was after I didn't message her for a full day. It made me feel wanted. Fast forward a little less than a month later...I get this text: "my ex texted me" I remember where I was and what I was doing, it's like the memory of receiving that text message is burned into my skull forever. You can guess where my relationship went with her from that point on.

To come so, so, so, so close to a date (first in my life in my case) and have it collapse like that makes me want to curse at the top of my lungs.
Wow, I can only imagine how awful you must have felt. I guess what you can take solace in is that unless the universe keeps conspiring against you, that first date will happen sooner or later.

I think we all have similar stories although none of mine are that bad. A while ago I had set up a date with a girl, hammered out the details and was about to head out when I sent her a final message to call me on my cell in case anything came up. She quickly replied with a "oh wow, you've not headed out yet I hope? I thought it wasn't going to happen since we didn't talk yesterday".

I still haven't given up entirely on online dating though; I me my first girlfriend through OKCupid and even though I hate the direction the "industry of exploiting loneliness" has gone in over the last couple of years, it's still an easier way to meet people than talking to strangers in bars. I only wish there was a better way to deal with the psychological fallout from the near-constant rejection and ghosting. It takes a toll, as most of you well know.
dutchguy is offline  
Post Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads to Online Dating: ratios
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Online Dating Jacob72 Friendship & Love 4 03-19-2013 04:19 AM
Online Dating vs Old Fashioned Dating FriendlyShadow Social Anxiety Forum 42 01-20-2013 09:19 AM
online dating Emma03 Friendship & Love 529 03-26-2012 07:21 PM
Online Dating??? Beatrice Friendship & Love 52 06-11-2011 02:48 AM
Online Dating Banvard Meeting People 55 04-08-2010 02:11 AM



Mobile Version
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.10
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.2
All times are GMT. The time now is 05:52 PM.