One of the worst nights of my life last night

MBinMN

Well-known member
My relationship with my parents has now been completely severed. Well...my mother anyway.

My mother crossed all lines last night. She screamed and horrifically insulted me and said even worse things to My husband and kicked us out of her house. I now have to figure out how to maintain a relationship with my dad or if that is even possible 😞

Oddly it started with a car situation. My parents offered to buy my twin boys a used car. Great right ? No they wanted to dictate rules on how the car was used, who used it etc.. My mother continued to talk and and make plans directly with the twins to which I requested her to work it out with me and the twins step dad because we would be paying gas and car insurance. She wouldnt listen, she even took them out car shopping! My father told me they were low on money and I said do not buy the car! We are ok! my mother continued and kept taking the twins shopping ( they were staying there vising for a few days) . last night i called and said we need to talk face to face -you, dad, my husband and I. So we drove down there. When we sat down I said the twins need to leave the room. Immediately my mom flipped out and said this is between you, me your dad and not HIM (meaning my husband who has raised my 18 year old boys since they were 7, their real dad took off on us) My husband then said stop! Due to the yelling and the twins were still in the room. Then my mom got worse and said you do not tell me what to do in my own house. You are a very mean person and began to go off saying every resentment she has had against him for the last 10 years...it was a nightmare. My husband did keep quiet and let her vent for awhile but then tried to stop it all again and she kicked us out. Told me good luck! Told me I'm a selfish daughter and can't even say thank you( I did several times)

I don't know how to feel today...lots of tears but mostly confusion and now I have very upset boys who blame us that they are not getting a car. A husband who is trying not to take to heart the things my mother said. He didn't sleep all night.

Top it off I washed my cell phone with our clothes this morning because I'm just out of it. Pretty sure its ruined.:eek:mg:


Wish I was a big drinker! I'd get drunk!:kickingmyself:
 
Your mother doesn't sound very nice. Perhaps severing ties with her is a good idea.

^I have to agree with this. If your mother treated you and your husband with such disrespect, it sounds like you are better off not having her in your lives.
Maybe when your twin boys are a bit older they will understand. If they were in the room, they know how your mother acted towards both of you. They will have that memory forever. When they are older they may see it from a more sympathetic perspective.
 

Odo

Banned
I don't think you should cut your mom completely out of your life forever. I don't think that she was being very nice but on the other hand, family is important. Maybe you could put some space between you and your mother for now and then later after everyone has cooled down you could try to communicate with her exactly how what she said/did made you feel, and then maybe even try to lay some ground rules for how she should be treating your husband.
 
Man, that sounds like a extremely toxic encounter.

You've got every right to be mad and disgruntled about how she handled this. The gesture was nice, but essentially going behind your back and completely overruling your authority as a parent is a unacceptable thing to do.

Does she behave like this more often? It sounds extremely curious and weird to me that she'd force the car onto your kids even when you've expressed that you didn't want it, and then rage and insult your husband when you both try to reach a compromise and/or a solution. Could there be an alternative reason to why she did it? It seems too odd a occurrence to just happen on its own momentum.
 
I am sure there is another side to the story. I don't imagine your mom is 100% wrong. If you feel like your mom is not worth the stress and hassle anymore then end the relationship. But I am willing she has helped you and your family a lot.
 

selon

Well-known member
Maybe you could put some space between you and your mother for now and then later after everyone has cooled down you could try to communicate with her exactly how what she said/did made you feel, and then maybe even try to lay some ground rules for how she should be treating your husband.


But it doesn't always work that way, does it? some people just don't understand. If she were the kind of person who would respect certain ground rules the situation might not have turned out like that in the first place.

I agree, familiy is important maybe the most important thing in life. But a relationship is a two-way street, and of they have no respect for you I don't know how long you should keep up yours for them.
 

Hoppy

Well-known member
I can understand why your mother exploded, she was trying to do something nice and you are the nasty children who wants to stop her doing nice things for her grandchildren.

And dragging in this strange man who isn't even the children's father also was wrong.

Sounds oh so familiar.

Give her some time to cool down, she probably feel silly already, and then try to be nice to her. She probably will not apologize, people like that seldom do, but for your fathers sake I would recommend trying.

Good luck.
 

paperie

Well-known member
I'm sorry that happened to you :/ I don't have kids but I remember how frustrated my mom would get when my grandparents would go over her head and do things or buy things for us without her permission. I would suggest if you continue to feel upset, you could try writing her a letter to explain yourself better (since it sounds like you didn't have a chance to) and you can let her know how much it upset you when she insulted your husband.
 

MBinMN

Well-known member
Sorry just checking in after a couple days. I appreciate all of your advice. Today I received a invitation through one of the twins to meet my parents for lunch. They called the twins. I declined.

I will not hear an apology. They will just try to pretend it didn't happen.

My mother has always been toxic. I am youngest of 7 siblings. 2 have passed away. Of the 5 remaining I was the only one who maintained a regular relationship. All of my siblings have issues with her.

They have however been wonderful to my boys. That is our only tie.


So... No clue how to proceed??
 
^ I think for the sake of your kids you'd have to consider how good a influence she is. While she's nice to them, if it's going to result in their opinion of you being changed or you being the bad guy all the time for not going along with her shenanigans, is she then really 'good' to them?

I'd say keep the contact with her, so that your boys can still see their grandmother and grandfather. But observe it like a hawk, to make sure she doesn't create a rift of any kind between your kids and you, and perhaps more likely; between your kids and your husband.

Depending on how she handles it, you can always permanently pull the plug on the relationship if she proves to be too toxic.
 
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I would be mad too. But if my wife did that to our daughter when she's grown up and has a child/children I would be mad at my wife. That wouldn't fly with me at all. I'd want to buy the car and it would stop there, my daughter would make the rules for her own child/children. That's a parent's job, not a grandparent's job. I wonder why your dad didn't step in and tell your mom she is completely in the wrong?
 
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