once my boyfriend now a ghost

burdeninyourhands

Active member
I'm hyperventilating as I write this. Its been almost 2 weeks now since this Guy I met off plentyoffish.com played a disappearing act on me which seems to be the method of choice for every blind mind that ever found me attractive enough to stay for longer than 1 night. I don't value myself very much so any man that shows lust for me I generally give in, but very few do so I don't sleep around. This Guy contacted me on pof looking for a long term relationship. This sounded like a breath of fresh air because I've been alone in a search for a serious partner for years, I've been having a sexual relationship with this 1 Guy with a slight speach problem and no common sense so icwas really respective to his inquiry. Due to mu height and weight 511 210 I find it hard to date but me and this Guy had everything in common, I prayed to God for a man like him. When I first met him he was without a job and he spent all his time with me, he recently got hired at a cellphone company that was off the books and worked him 15 hours a day (He claimed) so I would go up to a week without seeing him
But when we did it was passionate and caring I thought. A hurricane hit NYC 2weeks ago and we made love passionately and then he disappeared. I think he grew embarrassed of my appearance. As his work grew more extensive and he contacted me less I asked him if he wanted to break up and gave him ample space without pressure (cuz I know men don't like that) I offered to break up with him but he didn't want that. If he wanted to just have a sexual relationship that would have been fine. Why did he do this!? He didn't even grant me closure. No man in my life ever stuck around. I deleted his friendship on Facebook after I realised he played the screw and run game, then I realised he blocked me. He went through all that trouble to block me after he told me he hardly used Facebook buthe wouldn't even add me as his girlfriend on there. I feel like a fool totally lied to and munipulated for fun like men love to do with overweight girls. I really gave up on dating and human contact. I haven't made eye contact with anyone in days I just want to. die. Even if God granted me happiness at this point I wouldn't even want it due to the sadness and anger that in my life is always better than that moment of blindness that you called happiness. I gained 10 pounds and have no interest in human contact. I am praying everyday foe my death. I was so stupid as to think I can ever find someone who would not only be attracted to be but not be ashamed of me and want something long term. I have no family that's. Alive I think gods plan is to keep me from having a family and to be miserable and lonely. Some people have to be that way so ur holidays are more meaningful

/end rant thanks for reading
 

Thelema

Well-known member
He probably found another girl and that's why he changed so quickly. If he can't be straight with you then screw him
 

da_illest101

Well-known member
From this post and your last posts all I can tell you is take a break from relationships. Simply avoid them for a while. I know it's hard for someone like you who seem to think that relationship is the most important thing in life, but you need to focus on something else. Happiness comes in different way, there are other things that could be mean while. I was always focusing on getting a relationship that I didn't realized how miserable it made me. I stopped for a while and now I don't really feel like hunting anymore
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
Removed some posts. please show respect to each other when replying to posts.

Back on topic please
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
From what I've heard about Plenty of Fish from people who have been on dates, they've all said it's a haunt of players and slimey people. I gather the sites where you pay attract less idiots.
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
So...honey you can't have a long term relationship with men you meet on pof.com it's just not the place you meet meaningful people. It's like trying to find a husband in a bar;)

I've been on the road you're on and it's not a good place to be. One thing I noticed looking back is I only liked the ones who weren't good for me. It's a self esteem thing. You think the good ones won't be interested so you always give the wrong ones the chance they don't deserve.

You've got to be precious to yourself...valuable and beautiful. If you can get to the point where you at least like yourself and how you look, the good guys will become more available to you because you'll be clear enough to recognize the good ones.

You're in the dark right now...you can't see anything when you're in the dark. Put the relationship stuff on the shelf right now and learn how appreciate yourself...the good and the bad.

I know it sounds like stupid advice but like I said, i've been where you are and this was how i survived and got to a better place.
 

Hero

Well-known member
@ Burdeninyourhands

This sounds pretty horrible. But things like this happen to people with Social Anxiety too often. We are very desperate for acceptance- the need to be liked, cared for and loved. As we are quite shy, conflicted people, we don't get this acceptance very often and we become emotionally atttached to those who give it.

I know it seems like hell now, but in a few more weeks I think you'll be more over him. He sounds like a bit of a tool so it could be considered a good thing that he's out of your life if he treats you like that. A lot of men are like that, they are only after one thing, so don't take it too personally.

Whats the point in praying for death? You have been given the gift of life so try you're best to live it to the full. I suggest CBT or joining clubs where you can make friends. To make someone love you, you have to love yourself... no matter how you think you look like.
 

burdeninyourhands

Active member
That's good advice. I have been avoiding relationships but more over I've been ignoring people all around. Some member wrote that it "wasnt surprising that I was alone and I sound like a real..." I agreed with him but the monitors deleted.it. people just don't get me or like Mr so it's best for me to remain alone
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
That's good advice. I have been avoiding relationships but more over I've been ignoring people all around. Some member wrote that it "wasnt surprising that I was alone and I sound like a real..." I agreed with him but the monitors deleted.it. people just don't get me or like Mr so it's best for me to remain alone

:( please don't agree with that person! You're being abusive to yourself and there's no good reason for it...would you put up with someone else abusing you this way?? probably not...so why do it to yourself?

If that's you in your avatar pic, you're a beautiful girl!! You've gotta focus on the best parts of yourself and cherish them. You won't always be alone and you don't deserve to be so unhappy.
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
Thank u. Anyone can take 1 nice pic. U r very nice I wish I could believe ur opinion

i have to respectfully disagree...if you're truly ugly and your face is jacked up...you CANNOT take a nice picture doll! just isn't possible.

But, I realize I'm not going to be able to change how you feel about yourself.You're the only one with the power to do that. You can't control how people react to you...you can only control how you react to yourself...That's a lot of power if you ask me. You just have to decide what you're going to do with all that control and power you have over your mind and your feelings.

hopefully you choose to do good things...
 

jmroszczak

Well-known member
i have friends who have used that fishy site..and from what i got from them its pretty much a site for shallow people lookin for a hookup
 

burdeninyourhands

Active member
Yeah a lot of people do. I don't get all the deceiving though if he wanted to just had sex I gave him many opportunities to be honest. I don't get men or anyone for that matter
 

burdeninyourhands

Active member
People are so closed off outdoors now a days...so meeting people online is a bad idea, same with bars so what the hell? Is some none a**hole Guy supposed to drop out the sky? I totally give up hope. Being miserable and alone is my destiny until God grants my wish and lets me die. Posting and asking for advice isn't going to make my life better. Being alone is safe. I can't open my soul or body up to another human being. Society really killed who I am. I hate myself and this world
 

emerald_star733

Well-known member
When i saw your pic, my first thought was that you are beautiful! I wouldn't say anything at all if i didn't mean it so please believe us when we say you are. Please start to treat yourself the way you wish you to be treated and you will attract respectful men in time. For now, please be good to you, you deserve it. The guy is a coward.
 

burdeninyourhands

Active member
Thank you. I only wish I could believe ur kindness but unfortunately men who know me in person tend to feel otherwise. I can't keep putting my hand over a burning flame expecting it not to be hot, u know. I do appreciate ur kindness.
 
Has nothing to do with the fact you're overweight. If you give the impression you will 'give in' (as you phrased it) and have sex nearly straight away with anyone, guys will sense that and some will take advantage.
Who you have sex with is your choice. Personally,I would never have sex with someone I wasn't in love with (and that takes at least 7 or 8 months to work out and be absolutely sure of), but that's just me. Additionally,it means that if he's with you for a long period of time like several months, he's not just looking for sex. Am I right?

You can take things people say at face value, 'I'm looking for a long term relationship,' you can't just accept what he says as the gospel truth. The chances are, he was probably saying what he thought you wanted to hear. What woman wants to hear, 'yeah, I just want to get into your pants for one night'?

Yeah...it's a bit suspicious that he's working 15 hours a day, and was away for most of the week. But I can't doubt what he said, I won't ever know whether that was a lie or not. Plus,in that kind of industry (technology, fast food, waiting tables etc.) you're often working long hours and getting paid **** all, so perhaps he needs to work long hours to earn something decent.

Oh and btw, perhaps it's your lack of confidence that means you're not getting as many guys? 'I don't value myself very much,' how do you expect other guys to when you don't?
Just a guess. But you get (well,I seem to get) more looks when I go out if I'm smiling and look confident, rather than self conscious and shy. Haha, I looked like a tramp when it was raining one day and I went to the shop, but I was happy. This guy comes up to me and starts...following me round the supermarket, talking to me about the things I was buying. And then he asked for my number. (Except this guy was in his twenties,so I had to give him a fake number hahaha) and that all probably happened because he could sense my confidence and he liked that! (Definitely wasn't because I looked hot that day, I looked like a drowned rat, haha.)

'Manipulated for fun like men love to do with overweight girls' I can't agree it's overweight girls. I think it's girls who give the impression they're easy (overly flirtatious, devoid of personality.)

Just don't kill yourself of a guy, dude. There are plenty of nice men out there. Even if you don't find one straight away, you don't need another person to complete you. You can only find fulfillment in yourself and permanent aspects of life, not other people. They're all temporary, and eventually they all leave in some way.

And another thing, if you gained ten pounds and you want to lose it, just try and eat right and do some exercise. You feel a lot better after exercise, trust me. And then I can send you some really nice chocolate called Cadburys you can enjoy after your exercise :) haha. It makes you feel so happy, it's like magic :3

And....yeah, God isn't perpetuating your misery, and granting you sparse periods of happiness and depression. It's you and the circumstances you find yourself in, change them, change yourself and become a better person, and you'll feel happier.
Haha,you can tell I'm not religious.
Goooood luck :)
 
Last edited:

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
Has nothing to do with the fact you're overweight. If you give the impression you will 'give in' (as you phrased it) and have sex nearly straight away with anyone, guys will sense that and some will take advantage.
Who you have sex with is your choice. Personally,I would never have sex with someone I wasn't in love with (and that takes at least 7 or 8 months to work out and be absolutely sure of), but that's just me. Additionally,it means that if he's with you for a long period of time like several months, he's not just looking for sex. Am I right?

You can take things people say at face value, 'I'm looking for a long term relationship,' you can't just accept what he says as the gospel truth. The chances are, he was probably saying what he thought you wanted to hear. What woman wants to hear, 'yeah, I just want to get into your pants for one night'?

Yeah...it's a bit suspicious that he's working 15 hours a day, and was away for most of the week. But I can't doubt what he said, I won't ever know whether that was a lie or not. Plus,in that kind of industry (technology, fast food, waiting tables etc.) you're often working long hours and getting paid **** all, so perhaps he needs to work long hours to earn something decent.

Oh and btw, perhaps it's your lack of confidence that means you're not getting as many guys? 'I don't value myself very much,' how do you expect other guys to when you don't?
Just a guess. But you get (well,I seem to get) more looks when I go out if I'm smiling and look confident, rather than self conscious and shy. Haha, I looked like a tramp when it was raining one day and I went to the shop, but I was happy. This guy comes up to me and starts...following me round the supermarket, talking to me about the things I was buying. And then he asked for my number. (Except this guy was in his twenties, a total creep, so I had to give him a fake number hahaha)

'Manipulated for fun like men love to do with overweight girls' I can't agree it's overweight girls. I think it's girls who give the impression they're easy (overly flirtatious, devoid of personality.)

Just don't kill yourself of a guy, dude. There are plenty of nice men out there. Even if you don't find one straight away, you don't need another person to complete you. You can only find fulfillment in yourself and permanent aspects of life, not other people. They're all temporary, and eventually they all leave in some way.

And another thing, if you gained ten pounds and you want to lose it, just try and eat right and do some exercise. You feel a lot better after exercise, trust me. And then I can send you some really nice chocolate called Cadburys you can enjoy after your exercise :) haha.

And....yeah, God isn't perpetuating your misery, and granting you sparse periods of happiness and depression. It's you and the circumstances you find yourself in, change them, change yourself and become a better person, and you'll feel happier. Haha,you can tell I'm not religious.
Goooood luck :)

*sigh* if I liked girls that way...i'd so be in love right now;)

well said my dear...well said.
 

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
Thank you. I only wish I could believe ur kindness but unfortunately men who know me in person tend to feel otherwise. I can't keep putting my hand over a burning flame expecting it not to be hot, u know. I do appreciate ur kindness.

I keep seeing these types of posts from you and I get it.
You hate yourself- you don't value yourself.
As long as you don't value yourself, there will always be men who don't value you. Always.

You should hold your head up high and LOVE the things that God gave you-- as you say over and over again.
I don't understand how a person who seems to believe in a God, would think he's trying to punish them or he hates them - who told you that? Who got that stuck in your head that you're not worth anything?

Your family are gone and that makes YOU even more precious because YOU are still around.
Your family would never want you feeling this way. NEVER.

Please, please, get some counseling!
You should have pride in yourself, you should have self esteem - you are a strong woman but your have the mind of a victim and as long as you have that mindset, you will ALWAYS be a victim in every one of your relationships.
I say this from the point of view of a child who watched her mother go down the exact same path.
 
Top