Oh No! What Have I Done!

anxiousmess

Well-known member
Hi everybody

I am starting to sober up now.

Okay so I went out for a drink with two of my colleagues tonight. One of whom I really like.

Three of us went to a pub and we drunk alcohol. The guy I like sat next to me and from the word go, he seemed incredibly nervous and anxious. Even when he was talking to us both, his face expressions and voice was trembling. You can clearly see he either he has a mental health or learning disability.

He seems to be more used to hanging out with males and appears quite isolated.

I noticed he was quite anxious a few times and I kept asking if he was okay? Which he informed he was. He doesn't like too much people knowing too much things and when you make it clear something shows - he becomes anxious.

I was drinking whiskey at the time and before I knew it, it started to take affect.

My other colleague departed ways. Me and the guy I like waited at the bus stop. I kinda let slip that I knew that he has something as I can see the signs. So I opened up with having depression and anxiety and he seemed to understand and listened. But when we sat on the bus, I was a little too feeling sorry for him. I kept rubbing my hand on his shoulder.

We decided to go to a pub near work and which appears near his home. He seemed to want act professional as soon as we got into the pub. He kept saying he doesn't want the residents to walk past and get the wrong impression. But yet when we arranged to go to a further pub away, he didn't say any of this.

We spoke about relationships and he informed he has never commited to a relationship before as he finds it difficult to commit. Has had sexual counters but nothing serious.

To cut the story short, I maintained apologising through out the night. It got him annoyed. Anytime I went to talk about personal things, he seemed to wanna know more. I got drunk and made him aware of that. He sat remaining more anxious and didn't know how to react except become more anxious.

I informed I don't think we will be going out again? Which he said we will. I promised I will not drink the next time. And he seemed to warm up after that.

As soon as we went to walk out, I held his arm to stop myself from falling over. As soon as I held his arm, he allowed me but when we came to the exit - he advised it wasn't good idea in case the residents come past.

He waited with me until my bus came. He was keen to go back home. As soon as we waited at the bus stop, he became more and more anxious. He was having palpitations. I kept reassuring him in the best way I could. By the end of the evening, he assured me we can forget what happened and nothing would change between us in work.

Now I am home and sobered up. I feel so guilty. I felt like I was in such a mess and kept making clear it clear that I was sorry for mentioning he has something. I feel there is something that he is holding back.

I want to make it up to him and instead of saying sorry - i want to show him. We are facebook friends. Just wish I can make it better. The alcohol made it worse.

I am willing to do anything to prove how sorry I am. I wanna reach out but obviously won't during the workplace.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I'm not really sure what you've done wrong? Sure, you had a couple of drinks - but you WERE at pubs - its going to happen. Mentioning/asking if he had issues - like you did was ok in my eyes. Especially because you admitted openly you have your own problems. You reached out to him in an attempt to break down barriers.

I think maybe it's just not meant to be. you and him I mean. I guess you should just ease off a bit, see how things go over the next few days. See how he is toward you at work etc.
 
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