Och aye the noo

Graeme1988 said:

Tried to, but they'd rather be in denial, say that I'm lying. Doing it for attention, as far as the depression and anxiety goes. Particularly my mum. I mean, they won't even acknowledge how difficult my life is with my disability. My perspective is wrong and ah shouldnae talk like that, is all they say in response. Rather than admit that, aye, they do constantly pressure me to living up to their high, unspoken expectations. Or do hinder me more than help me. Or take responsibility for the times they've wronged me. Naw, I'm supposed to apologise to them for getting angry. Cuz it's always my fault, ye see?

If you've got a c*nt and a pair of tits, you can do no wrong in my family. And yer never wrong.

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I see.. :sad:

I feel for ya bud.

theslowesthand said:

Gee whiz, i didnae know that either! All these crazy talents from Scotland eh? :bigsmile:

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Aye. And Lawrence Gowan of the band Styx was also born in Scotland. Born in Glasgow, raised in Canada.

And, eh, DJ/song-writer Calvin Harris was born in Dumfries, which isn't far from where I live in the Scottish Borders. Same region, but just a couple miles away.

Graeme1988 said:

Tried to, but they'd rather be in denial, say that I'm lying. Doing it for attention, as far as the depression and anxiety goes. Particularly my mum. I mean, they won't even acknowledge how difficult my life is with my disability. My perspective is wrong and ah shouldnae talk like that, is all they say in response. Rather than admit that, aye, they do constantly pressure me to living up to their high, unspoken expectations. Or do hinder me more than help me. Or take responsibility for the times they've wronged me. Naw, I'm supposed to apologise to them for getting angry. Cuz it's always my fault, ye see?

If you've got a c*nt and a pair of tits, you can do no wrong in my family. And yer never wrong.

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Although, the FACT is that they CAN do wrong, they DO do wrong, & they ARE wrong at times (they're NOT perfect/flawless super-humans, but just ordinary humans). But it's just that they are so damn convincing that they're never in the wrong, that it seems like the truth, when it isn't.

theslowesthand said:

Although, the FACT is that they CAN do wrong, they DO do wrong, & they ARE wrong at times (they're NOT perfect/flawless super-humans, but just ordinary humans). But it's just that they are so damn convincing that they're never in the wrong, that it seems like the truth, when it isn't.

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Aye, but how do I make them see that? When they don't even acknowledge when they've done wrong. F**k! They don't even like hearing me saying anything negative. Be it, me refusing to something. Or disagreeing with an idea or opinions.

Since, y'know, I grew up with the idea of feminism as gender superiority, not equality. Meaning men are generally seen as inherently sexist, violent, dumb, useless and oppressive. Oh, and egotistical. Which, considering how often I put everyone's happiness ahead of my own, is quite ironic. Though, it's mainly due to feeling obligated to, more than by choice. But I've long since stopped trying to reconcile that feminist narrative, with patronising "positivity" my family come away with, in relation to me now.

Funny how it took me getting that orthopedic surgery for them to finally start seeing me as adult, in term how capable I am to care for myself.

Sorry for veering off from yapping about my orthopaedic surgery last year.

It's just, lately, the never-ending struggle that is my daily life has caused my mood to plummet towards despair. As result, I'm to being my usual miserable self. :sad:

I wish my mum and oldest sister would just respect me whenever I make a decision for myself. If ah can't be bothered or am too tired to do something, why force it? But, naw, everytime I say "No", or change ma mind about something I've recently committed to; they have to insist it must be done. They're only tryin' tae help, they claim. It'd be a great help if they didnae call into question every decision I make.:kickingmyself:

Sadly that never happens, I have to repeat myself at least twice before they'll agree to let me doing things on my terms. Implying I'm stupid, no? :thinking:

Apparently I'm the difficult one, because I'm never allowed to change my mind when I say I'm going to do somthing. I'm forced to keep my word, while my mum accuses me of nagging if I call her on her promise to help me, when she insisted upon helping.

How is it, she can't stand not feeling needed by me; yet when I do accept her offer of help, she makes excuses for why she can't help? :idontknow:

MollyBeGood said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsnUAN_gsho

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Thanks, I needed a good laugh. :thumbup:

Graeme1988 said:

Aye, but how do I make them see that? When they don't even acknowledge when they've done wrong. F**k! They don't even like hearing me saying anything negative. Be it, me refusing to something. Or disagreeing with an idea or opinions

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Sadly, i don't think ye can :sad:
But all ye can do, as i may have mentioned before, is to change yer own reactions to them (be an actor, not reactor), eg to not get (as) angry. And a big part will involve you not believing the lies they are spewing. It's no easy thing, as they've literally taught you how to react to them througout growing up. And it will also involve realizing that they're not causing you to get angry/etc, but you are (your own thoughts/beliefs). It's nae easy even understanding the above concepts, let alone putting them to action .. and i get that you feel it's beyond changing, as you've spent nigh upon 30 year building these habits up, and so they ain'y gonna go away in a hurry. But if ye do decide to start working on yer own habits, beliefs, 'n that, well i wish you good luck.

Graeme1988 said:

Apparently I'm the difficult one, because I'm never allowed to change my mind when I say I'm going to do somthing. I'm forced to keep my word, while my mum accuses me of nagging if I call her on her promise to help me, when she insisted upon helping.

How is it, she can't stand not feeling needed by me; yet when I do accept her offer of help, she makes excuses for why she can't help? :idontknow:

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Ain't that almost a sin, to not follow through on promises (ie "It is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it") :question:

“…to say what you do not do” – Our Deeds as a Measure of Character

theslowesthand said:

But all ye can do, as i may have mentioned before, is to change yer own reactions to them (be an actor, not reactor), eg to not get (as) angry. And a big part will involve you not believing the lies they are spewing. It's no easy thing, as they've literally taught you how to react to them througout growing up. And it will also involve realizing that they're not causing you to get angry/etc, but you are (your own thoughts/beliefs). It's nae easy even understanding the above concepts, let alone putting them to action .. and i get that you feel it's beyond changing, as you've spent nigh upon 30 year building these habits up, and so they ain'y gonna go away in a hurry. But if ye do decide to start working on yer own habits, beliefs, 'n that, well i wish you good luck.

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Aye, but what if yer still having to living with someone - ie. my mum - who continuiously does nothing but reinforce these negative thoughts and beliefs? Not trying to blame her, like. Just saying, it's difficult to break an ingrained habit if yer around people who constantly tell what you can n' can't do. Putting more emphasis on the negative than the positive. :sad:

theslowesthand said:

Ain't that almost a sin, to not follow through on promises (ie "It is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it") :question:

“…to say what you do not do” – Our Deeds as a Measure of Character

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:idontknow: Wouldnae know, man. Never really look at the idea of keeping yer word from a religious perspective before, since ah grew up with a very skewed, fundamentalist interruptation of Christianity and The Bible. Forced upon me, of course. :thumbdown: Though, ironically, I did surprisingly well at religious studies in secondary school. During the first couple years, before dropping it as a subject entirely. Mind you, mum wus'nae too chuffed when I told my occupational therapist - the women who helped get my electric wheelchair - I was an atheist.

All I know is, I tend to get pissed off with myself if I don't keep my word, sometimes. But that's probably more to do with not wanting to disappoint or let people down. Though, when most of the expectations are upon you to care for yer ain family. You don't really have much time to devote to yersel'. :sad:

theslowesthand said:

Sadly, i don't think ye can :sad:

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So, what's ma best option, then? Because ah cannae go oan like this, constantly being told I'm in the wrong for call them out for their shitty treatment iof me. And if they're beyond reasoning with, then I should probably just leave hame and cut them outta my life completely? Because my mum's caused me more frustration, hassle and emotional distress than she's has been a positive influence on me.

It's never going end, is it? My mum's just going to keep at it. Talking to me like a child, because of my disability. Stating the blinding obvious, like telling what the weather's like and wich hat to wear when going outside. h:

Aw, sorry. Ah forget ah live is Scotland. Ah wus just aboot tae step oot the hoose in a vest and shorts, there.
What with this sweltering heatwave in February, eh? That's a joke, Scotland normally has it's summer weather in June.

As if ah didnae cop on to the weather, ah look oot the windae (window) afore ah put ma jacket on. There's nae need to tell in that dumbed-down, childish tone of voice, like. Tired of being treated like this gormless, glakit, eejit all the time. If the sensible one, it'd be nice if ma family started treating me like it. :kickingmyself:

I honestly cannot put up with much more of this. Don't know if my mum's genuinely being forgetful, or is she's just not listening to me as usual? She's f**kin' pried open the locked bathroom door with a cutlery knife. Proceeds to enters, and just as she reaches for a towel, gets a shock when ah go: She turns, still looking wide-eyed, sees me sitting on the throne and goes:

Didnae even bother to ask if there was anyone in the bathroom. Despite me shouting through to her from the kitchen to the living room - where she was - that I was going to use the toilet, as I was placing my dinner plate in the sink. h: And she clearly heard me, because she answered me back.

Also, it'd be much easier to laugh this incident off, if my mum didnae huv a habit of just entering a room without first knocking, as she does with me.

Starting to think I'm just meant to be the family member who not deserve of the same respect n' decency as the rest. Given the level of stupid, eccentric behaviour I just have to let slide when it comes to family. The surrogate husband, since I've telt from the age of 12, that I'm supposed to be the man of the house. But that title only applies when ye take into account I'm paying conserably more money into the council tax. :veryangry: Other than that, I'm just expected to do as I'm told - like a good wee boy.

Sorry, just need to vent. I'll back to yapping about the only good thing that's happened to me in the last year, shortly.

PugofCrydee said:

I see.. :sad:

I feel for ya bud.

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Don't feel sorry for me, man. It's just how ma life is, I'm used to it. Just be grateful you haven't had to endure the same level of verbal, physical or emotional abuse from yer ain family, that I have over the years.

Graeme1988 said:

Thanks, I needed a good laugh. :thumbup:

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I saw it and had to share it with you

Graeme1988 said:

I honestly cannot put up with much more of this. Don't know if my mum's genuinely being forgetful, or is she's just not listening to me as usual? She's f**kin' pried open the locked bathroom door with a cutlery knife. Proceeds to enters, and just as she reaches for a towel, gets a shock when ah go:

"Eh, whit ye daein?!"​

She turns, still looking wide-eyed, sees me sitting on the throne and goes:

"Oh, sorry! Ah forgot"​

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This door can only be locked from the inside, yeah?. If so, then SURELY she would know that it be OBVIOUS that sby is inside it??? :question:

Graeme1988 said:

So, what's ma best option, then? Because ah cannae go oan like this, constantly being told I'm in the wrong for call them out for their shitty treatment iof me. And if they're beyond reasoning with, then I should probably just leave hame and cut them outta my life completely? Because my mum's caused me more frustration, hassle and emotional distress than she's has been a positive influence on me.

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Ye need to convince yeself FIRSTLY, before ye can have a chance at convincing them; it's how it works. Else they won't believe you.
For every one criticism, ye need to give yeself at least TWICE the number of praise.
I cannoy say this enuf, that it all must start within yeself.

As the song goes 'Accentuate the positive, Eliminate the negative, Latch on to the affirmative, Don't mess with Mister In-Between'.

theslowesthand said:

This door can only be locked from the inside, yeah?.

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Aye

theslowesthand said:

If so, then SURELY she would know that it be OBVIOUS that sby is inside it??? :question:

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Not necessary, the bathroom door is a sliding one which can be opened or closed, from either side and lock's knackered. Meaning if you aren't careful closing the door, the force of pulling it shut - or pushing it, since it tends to get jammed on its runners, will cause the lever on the latch to drop into the lock position, you don't always hear clicking in place. And you can only unlock from the outside.

So, ye can kinda guess why my mum never bothered to ask if there wus anyone in afore she pried the door open.