Och aye the noo

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Righty oh! Here we f**kin' go! Lets git tore intae it...

12097226.jpg


^ Ah purchased this book from Amazon in early 2012 - near the beginning of that year - fully aware that it's wuz gonnae be a pleasant, easy and comfortable read. Considerin' the title ye kinda know whit yer in fur. But, sadly tae say, ah huv'nae read it. Why's that, Graeme? Ah'll tell ye...

The reason ah huv'nae read that book is because ma oldest sister telt me no' tae do so. Her exact words were:

"You shouldnae be read that book! Other people should be reading it. They're the ones who need tae change."

^ Ah, the fear of enlightenment - great innit? A perfectly valid point tae raise. Why exactly is society failing disabled people? But naw! We dinnae want physically disabled people being reminded how they're treated. Let alone, empower them tae change things for the better, socially. Because tae change summit ye actually huv do summit aboot it. But, generally speakin', we don't because... Oh look - the X-Factor's on the telly! Yay!

Anyway, ah digress... So, by "other people", ah assume ma sister meant yer politicians, Neo-Nazi, yer chavs, NEDS and anybuddy else who thinks "trival" is a "big word". Ma definitely of "other people" is simplistic, really. Ye want tae hear it? Aye, ye dae... And here it is (drum roll): "Other people are people who aren't you" Ah mean, she got some f**kin' nerve, considerin' the joke she thought would be appropriate tae say tae me during the 2009 Edinburgh Fringe Festival - but ah'll git tae that, later.

Kinda difficult fur me tae talk aboot the subject of disability. Mainly because ma experience isnae one of those made-for-TV triumph over adversity stories like ye see on the Hall channel. And, ah've kinda bin spiral downward in terms of ma mobility since ah wuz 12. So y'know... Hardly a happy story.

Plus, school was a effin' nightmare fur me, personally, fae primary tae secondary. Lookin' back on it, ah firmly believe that some disabled kids should be educated in a mainstream enviroment. And some shouldnae, especially if they stand out in terms of the physically disability, like me. That might seem a bit unfair. But, surely, if your a parent with a disabled child and that kids gettin' bullied quite unmercifully fae the moment he walks through the school gates, durin' the first school interval and huvin' verbal abuse shouted at 'em at the end o' the school day. Personally, ah'd opt for put them with other disabled pupils. So, if nuthin' else, a disabled child will'nae stand out. And they wouldnae feel as alone or out place. Jist a thought...

Ah mean, attitude's toward disability are slowly changing. But ah feel if we didnae dance around certain issues related too it. What a disabled person can and can't do. And, when it comes tae the topic of sex, if the automatic assumptions of gay, straight, lesbian, asexual could just stop altogether - that'd be great. And on a related note, able-bodied people approachin' a wheelchair user in a pub and askin' outright whether or not they can actually have sex is... Kinda rude, and extremely c*nty, if ye ask me.

Also, losin' the f**kin' "lazy, thieving basturds!" rhetoric would help greatly in the progress towards a better society. Because not every disabled person on disability is tryin' tae scam the system. Aye, sure some are chancin' their luck, but not the majority.

And one final point... Stop talkin' tae disabled people in a patronising manner. Just because I'm in a wheelchair and you need tae lean down tae get at ma eye level doesnae mean ye huv talk tae me like ah'm thick, okay? And if ye see me career down the street in ma electric wheelchair... F**kin' move! Coz ah'm no' stop fur ye!

Awright, that's ma thoughts on that issue. Ah hope youse aw understood ma Scotch accent an' point ah wuz attemptin' tae make, aye?
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Hey, Graeme, what's your stance on Scotland's independence? For or against? What do you think will happen after voting is counted?
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah feel like things huv'nae bin goin' well fur me, lately. Ah desperately want tae remove the things that cause me ma greatest anxiety... But ah cannae jist stop talkin' tae ma family - as much as ah'd like tae...

Anyway, some o' youse want were wonderin' why ma views were strangely absent fae the whole Scottish independence debate, recently. Well, hud youse brought the issue up sooner on here, ah'd huv bin happy tae offer ma view. Coz it's bin a talkin' point here in Scotland since the day, Alex Salmond and the Scottish Nationalist Party announced the referendum last year.

See, the problem wi' the Scottish independence debate wuz it become too one-sided. There wuz a lotta media bias against the Yes campaign, especially fae the BBC News Channel. They're coverage always focused upon and pit a negative spin on the possible financial situation Scotland would be in - were we tae be independent. Noo, that's where ah think the SNP went wrong...

See, Salmond was stong in his conviction durin' aw his speeches. But he wuz blinded by his ain patriotism. So sure o' victory that he didnae feel he or his party hud tae even acknowledge the financially situation.

"It'll be awright, dinnae worry aboot it" wuz the SNP response, basically when it came to the issue of Scotland be financially independent during every campaign debate.​

But then again, if you've ever seen some Alex Salmond's interviews with the BBC current affairs programme, Newsnight, Salmond rarely gives a straight answer and occassionally avoids giving an answer entirely - completely body-swerves the question.

Also, it brung oot the worst in Scotland, the sectarianism. And hatred of the English, which is nuthin' new. And the whole "If you consider yersel' a proud you'll vote for independence". Defacing each others campaign posters. Again, nuthin' especially if yer aware o' the fierce rivary between Scotland's 2 most famous fitbaw teams, Rangers and Celtic.

But the thing that really done the SNP in - fur me personally - wuz the idea that we'd maintain the pound as currency... Why? They'd huv bin better droppin' the letter "d" from the word "pound" and movin' the Bank of Scotland's main HQ tae Stirling. A wee in-joke there, that only Scottish folk'll git. Also, huvin tae re-apply tae the EU would've bin a right carry-on, really.

The SNP should've hud a better planned oot financial policy fur the likelyhood of Scotland becomin' independent. Though, tae be fair, we should've went fur it when we saw whit a mess Thatcher wuz makin' o' things back in the 80s - we'd huv probably got it then and made a good go of it.

That's aboot aw ah've got tae say on the matter, really. Ah know, ah dinnae really huv much tae say, but that's jist me...
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah wish ah hud aptitude fur bein' as social as the rest o' ma family. Ah feel so oota place maist uh the time... It's hard tae articulate how ah actually feel. :sad:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah think the most difficult thing ah've hud tae come tae terms wi' is how awkward it is tae make and maintain any friendship. Ah don't know... Ah jist feel ma physical disabilty causes a barrier between me and other people.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Things huv'nae bin goin' well fur me lately. Ah've started tae question ma place in the world, y'know...? Och, ah don't know how tae explain - ah've never bin great wi' words. Despite huvin a talent fur writin'. Mibbe that ma insecurities comin' oot?

Also, ah've kinda realised that ma life kinda went doon the shitter in the last 10 or so years. The fact ah've got very few happy family memories in ma life doesnae exactly say much, does it? Aye, a few brief moments ae happiness but nowt that particular stands oot as such - except fur aw the concerts ah've been tae. Oddly enough, they're when ah'm usually at ma happiest. Ye tend tae forget aboot yer problems when yer laughin' at a comedian or yer drunkenly singin' at the top ae yer lungs durin' yer favourite song in unison wi' over a thousand other folk...

Ah must admit, ah've never felt close tae ma family. Naw, kinda always felt unwanted mair than anythin'. Ah mean, bein' lock ootside the family hoose as punishment, in the dark o' winter when yer aboot 7 years auld, doesnae exactly send a particular lovin' message fae yer ain muther does it? If anythin' it jist inform ye that yer an ootsider. That dinnae quite belong. That yer maw an' da didnae really want ye.

Aye, there's a memory that it's hard tae forget...

Ah mean, no' tae speak ill o' ma muther, but, she's no' the best at times, y'know. Funny, caring, considerate, naive. Aye, sure ah got ma sense uh humour fae her but also got a lotta emotional pish that ah didnae need. Anxiety. Depression. A f**kin' inferiority complex. Ah'd huv bin fine if a shitey, dour, negative, cynical world-view were character-traits that Scottish parents pass on gentically tae yer wee yins. Y'know if it was part o' being Scottish as it were.

It's no' easy livin' wi' a domineering parent, especially if they're yer mum. See, ah've kinda hud pit up wi' a lotta over the years. Ah cun still vividly remember walkin' tae primary school - which was bloody agony. Tryin' tae walk straight wi' them bloody hard plastic splints on, ma mum constantly tellin' me tae walk straight...

"Walk straight, c'mon!"
"Ah'm tryin'..."
"Yer no' daein it right"
"These're sore..."


^ Ye don't suppose that's where ma perfectionism started, d'ye? Ho, Freud ya mutherf**ker, whit d'ye think? A wee joke there tae lighten the mood

Ma relationship wi' ma mum kinda got worse over the years... Ah got fed up o' her constant negativity, but hud tae tolerate it fur the rest o' family. See it even got tae a point during ma teen years where she jokingly say that we only "tolerate each other". Lookin' back over ma life, ah think there's mair truth tae that joke then she'd like tae let on.

As if growing up disability wasnae bad enough... Bein' mixed race that wasnae a picnic either... If anythin' oan top ae the disability the mixed race heritage was swift boot right in the bawbag. Especially the early years.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah dinnae think ah'm capable o' formin' long-term friendships... :sad: It's obvious ah'm no' aw that likeable.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Hullo!! Howzitgaun folks...?!

Huv'nae bin daein this fur a wee while. Mainly coz ah dinnae feel like ah've got anythin' interestin' tae say. Other than talk shite. Ah know, whit um ah like, eh? :bigsmile:

Ah also cannae help but feel ah'm quite borin' an' no' funny. Again, that might just the dour, dreary, pessimistic Scottish mindset? Y'know whit ah'm talkin' aboot? Mibbe it's jist me... :idontknow:

But then again, ah'm always gittin' telt no' tae sell masel' short. Mind you, that'd be great advice if ye were a hooker who also jist so happened tae be dwarf. Ah know, ma sense ae humour's weird... :bigsmile:

Anyway, enough o' me wafflin' oan... Ah'll gie youse wee update o' whit ah've bin up tae soon. Which isnae much as ye cun probably tell by this post. :giggle:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah've bin feelin' really depressed, lately - like fur the past 2 months. :sad:

Just bin feelin' empty inside an' weighted doon, y'know feel like ye huv a weight oan yer shoulders? That's how ah've bin feelin' as of late. Wish ah didnae huv this feelin' o' shame when ah attempt tae talk aboot ma struggle wi' depression. Always feel like ah've got tae hide the fact, ah get depressed.

Things ah used tae enjoy dinnae bring me that same sense o' joy that they once used tae. Startin' tae worry that depression might be death o' me.

Why can't ah jist remove masel' fae ma current situation an' people who ah don't really like bein' aroon, even if they are family? Ah jist want tae be happy, is that too much tae ask? An' relyin' oan people tae provide that happiness isnae tha way tae go!
 

JayHender

Active member
Nice to meet a fellow Scots man, found your story really interesting and encouraging, shows us Scots are pretty strong people. I think this is the first time I have ever seen so much Scottish on a forum. Had to put on my Glasgwein head to understand it all :p I know it can be tough when you are feeling so low but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dim it is.
 
Last edited:

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Huv'nae been as prolific wi' ma writin', fur the past couple o' months. Mainly because ah've been feelin' depressed. And ah've hud writer's block, which is also a pain in the arse. :sad:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well, it's bin a history year fur Scotland... Sadly, we didnae git independence. But, ah think we will, at some point. We just effed up oan the financial side o' the argument when it came tae actually bein' an independent nation. Ah think the SNP might want tae git Duncan Bannatyne's advice oan the money side o' things. Failing that let huv England vote on the issue of Scottish indepence next time, then Newcastle would be f**ked. :bigsmile:

But politics aside, ah've hud a decent year. Attended some guid comedy shows an' concerts. Oh! Just realised ah didnae tell you aboot whit ah thought o' Billy Connollly's recent tour of Scotland back in October. D'youse still want tae hear aboot? Ah only ask because ah've bin kinda thinkin' ah've gotten a bit borin', lately. Och, mibbe that's jist me an' ma confidence issues. :idontknow:
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Huv'nae been as prolific wi' ma writin', fur the past couple o' months. Mainly because ah've been feelin' depressed. And ah've hud writer's block, which is also a pain in the arse. :sad:

Merry X-mas Happy New Yr, Dear!

May writers block and all that craap go f-it's self in 2015!!!
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Merry X-mas Happy New Yr, Dear!

Merry Christmas tae you anaw, Molly. An' Happy New Year. tae. :thumbup:

May writers block and all that craap go f-it's self in 2015!!!

Couldnae agree more - writer's block cun bugger aff! :bigsmile:

But, aye, here's hopin' 2015'll be a guid year. Or, at the very least, an improvement upon ma rather shitty year. Though, ah shouldnae really complain much considering the things ah got tae experience this year.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah wish ma writin' in some way reflected ma personality, but it doesnae really dae that. But that might jist be ma mind thinkin' ah'm a right borin' arsehole. :idontknow: F**kin' hell, ah really need tae procrastinatin' an' bein' a right lazy b'stard. :bigsmile:
 
Top