Not going to get girls attracted to me

I know that i am not getting any girls interested in me, no matter what i try or do.

I listen to everyone else around me, saying they go to pubs and get stoned, and those guys or girls seem to be having all the fun, while the only fun that i have is with playing on my computer.

I do not like the social scene, i have never liked it. People chose to be around people they want to be around, they don't include people that are not welcome, nor do they help include "geeks" like myself into the socal circle with women and popularity.

I feel that nothing that i am going to do is going to make a difference. I have tried to make myself not think about the issue, however its really hard when you are surrounded by it every day, and saturized in the media about how how the jocks get the girls all the time.

You know, this does not encourage me to go out, or gain my confidence. This makes me more frustrated, angry, and depressed..

There is way too much sex and sexual themes on TV, which really disgusts me...

Thats my opinion

girls

I can understand your frustration - I have had similar experience in that I was not able to interact with girls becuase I was not popular or included - I always seemed to be on the outside like people sensed that I was different and automatically rejected me. I have learned to live with that.

All I can say is there is someone for everyone but some people have to be patient I guess and of course you will most likely have to interact with people in order to meet and date a girl. But dont put so much pressure on yourself - women can be a pain in the butt anyway.

Women

Yeah, hi.
I just want to say that most guys have issues (problems) with women. Most girls have issues (problems) with men. I think you have to be honest with yourself and find out exactly what you want and set out to achieve it. If you lack dating or social skills the only way to improve your situation is to take risks. I found the more I pushed myself to date women. The easier it became. You just have to take risks. With myself I dated Some girls just because I wanted to improve my communication and social skills. I always approached it as if I was just making a friend. Or if nothing else, chatting. I was rejected many times. After a while you can develop a resilience to this. I improved enormously and got better at superficial chat. I always asked open ended questions and spent a lot of time just listening. My psychiatrist told me once, that the number one thing people love to talk about is themselves. This is so true. I had girls telling me their life stories and boring me to tears. Some didn't shut up. Others shared the conversation evenly. Medication helped me alot with my social phobia. However you still have to just do it. You can only improve. Behavioural therapy is very effective. Apparently the more we do things regardless of what they are our brains form complex connections between the neurons as we do. Making whatever we do easier the second, third, etc, times we do them.
Good luck

End it all, buy a gun and some bullets

I'm not liking the pesimistic attitude on this post.
To be ableto geton wth anyone you have to be aalright with yourself.
People concept of fun isdifferent.
The reason you hate socailizing so much is because of experince you've had.This has nothing to do with who you are. Stay true to yourself, why be anyone else they are just as floored. Why should talking to people be a issue. Chanllenge yourself FACE your FEAR with practice it will come.
Yes wpomen do like confidence but be realisitc there are some overly confident stick up wankers that treat people like shit.
You don't have to be liked be everyone.
Its a state of mind, looking at aperfet life will get you no where live yours ,deal with it, keep going. LIfe is what you make it!

ed

I do not have any interests.

And for Jthompsons remark, if i saw you in person, i would knock your teeth down your throat. Do you get kicks out of telling people to kill themselves. No matter if you are using some sort of demented psychology on me.

Everything seems to complicated and too confusing for me to handle. If the women wants to talk to me, lets make it simple, let the girl come up to me. And you might all be thinking that i will never get a girlfriend that way, but since i don't have any interests, i don't go out because i have a real stressful job, and i need the time to wind down, i don't see too much promise do you?

Crashmodem,

You really have to lose this attitude for your own sake!

There are lots of women out there who would like to get to know you but not all have a crystal ball to find you :idea: you will have to join a club or similar to get to know people and then you will make friends, who knows, maybe if it's a male friend you make he might have a sister!

No need to get aggresive crashmodem! JThomson was obviously joking and bringing some light entertainment to the topic! Geez you gotta lighten up man no wonder youre depressed.. I think plenty of people in this forum (including myself) need a little humor every so often it keeps us sane

peace out people

i will lighten up when my life starts to lighten up...

---------------------------------------------------

Thank you for that very "enlightened" reply to my message.

Just to let u know, that this is not a "attitude" its the truth. How can i make you understand that what i am telling you is the truth? I am trying to make my voice known to how i am feeling.... But everytime that i have stepped out on the ledge a little bit, i get shoved back, and this has happened every single time that i have tried something, or was forced into a social situation. I honestly do not think you know how i feel, and honestly do not know my situation to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

As for nice girls, i have not met any, and nor have i met any that are interested in me. Maybe you aren't living in the area that i am living in. Maybe there aren't any girls out there that are nice, available and understanding... for me i have not met one.

crashmodem said:

i will lighten up when my life starts to lighten up...

Click to expand...

It works the other way around buddy. Act and the good feelings will follow. I'm sure anybody who has done any sort of therapy here would agree with me. You may not feel better the second, third or even the tenth time you try something, but it will get easier with time. At first, the anxiety will always be there! Theres no overnight cure for anxiety.

Do you really believe that your social anxiety is worse than everybody else's? Maybe you have something other than social anxiety. SAD sufferers are aware that their fears are irrational. You aren't. It seems like you truly believe everyone else is out to get you.

Like I said (and many others have said it too) self pity won't get you anywhere. Sitting on your arse won't get you anywhere. Try to overcome this and you will stumble and you WILL fall, but I dont know of anyone who has accomplished anything sitting down.

Try to be as positive as you can. Don't let anxiety control you. Take small steps. Never give up.

By the way, how old are you crashmodem?

crashmodem: Your posts sound like my thoughts.

I know these things seem like truth.

But, in reality, they are ASSUMPTIONS.

You never *know* until you find out.

It may scare you to death to find out.

You may find out you were right to begin with.

You may find out you were wonderfully wrong.

It IS all about the attitude, my friend. I tell myself this all the time, and beleive it perhaps 4% of the time. But check this: Me, a kind, attractive 30 year old male, with SP since I was in grammar school, went to a bar party a few weeks ago. I knew noone there. I was scared to death, it's something I generally *can't* do. But I forced the issue.
There were lots of women there. Talking to "strange" women to possibly date was something I could NEVER do (my previous gf's were all from online or had apporached me). But I did, somehow. And, far beyond my wildest imaginings, SUCCEEDED!

What began as a "small exposure" ("go out, talk to girls, feel the fear, do better next time") turned into the goal I figured I might achieve in a year or two.....

(......DAMN college would have been MUCh more fun without SP!!!)

And hey, crash, I know girls who like "geeky guys". Some of them don't mind my droning on about condenser microphones or Lorentz contraction or uvulopalatopharyngoplasty. (I'm a writer )

Good luck, man.... go ahead, be defensive and crass in reply, I understand... I would have done the same.... People told me this stuff a million times, and to me it was all BS until I tried it. Guess what? it works. Maybe not the first time (It was my lucky day I guess), but it WILL.

i dont know how u feel because i have always had friends and boyfriends, but they were always jerks. i have a sweating disorder and it bites. if u really want to find someone just hook up on the internet, or try out one of your best friends, that always works for me! i have a post if you wanna check it out!

Hi there,

I agree with a lot that has been said on this subject, especially when it comes to taking risks and getting yourself out there. Rejection is a frightening thing, especially for people with anxiety, but without rejection, we can not know the feeling of acceptance, love and the fact that somebody wants to be with us.
My problem is that I always wonder what the other person is feeling, thinking, the way her mind works. I then wind myself up...why is she talking to me, why did she look at my hair? When I look at a girl on the tube, the bus, the pub (I am learning to keep eye contact), I always think that I am coming across as a nutter, a potential psycho. But I am not, and I need to understand that. I have learnt that eye contact is very, very important. How on Earth is she going to know you like her, when you don't even look as if you are nticing her. Girls are anxious about us too, and that needs to be taken on board.
On a happier note, I am learning. I am sad about being alone, but I am not bitter. One day, with help and guidence I will start dating, I will have fun with a girl...until then, I look to the heavens and pray that when I do meet a lovely girl, she understands my problem, and helps me to overcome my fears.
Love is out there, people, is a matter of finding it, and taking the risk.
Take care everyone,
Richard.

I can't win

Thats true, nobody knows how i feel, They may have shared the same problems that i have had, but there is no way in HELL that i am approaching women ever again. I am sorry, but I blame all the rejection and the lack of appreciation from women. So... you know i am trying to vent here, but it doesn't seem like what i do i can't win.

Hey guys i read this in a magazine
it was in a diferent language so i hope u understand

If u feel that nobody likes u,you got to ask yourself this:
do i love me?do i feel important?do i deserve good things in life?

if u dont love yourself.. if u dont feel like an important human being people will reject u
dont expect people to feel comfortable with u when u dont feel good about yourself ,start loving everything about YOU and u'll see the difference

good learning for me :wink: I'm still working on it

Hi, crashmodem, i've been dealing with rejection all my life and it hurts deep down to see ALL accepting eachother and ignoring you, like you have bubonic plague or something, as much as you try being nice to them and doing your best

the more you try to be friendly, the more you disgust them, why the fu*k is that happening ? doesn't seem wright AT ALL :evil:

i hope you can relate to that

i developed avoidant personality disorder, and that is because i can't deal with rejection no more, so my natural instinct is to reject people before they have the chance to reject me...because it hurts like hell, i actually FEEL like a sword ripping my chest when that happens and i get strong suicidal thoughts...i know, i'm paranoid, but if you were in my shoes you would understand

but being all negative about this isn't helping at all, i sometimes give it a try to make friends, but then, after being rejected or just ignored, i need my time to recover and heal my mental wounds

talking and joking with my online friends helps me to go on with my life :roll:, you should do that too, it can really boost your moral and self esteem, maybe would get to know girls that like you and want to meet you

good luck, i know there is someone for you out there, don't ever lose hope. things won't go on like this for ever, but remember, if YOU do something about it the chances increases

i hope this comes in handy
http://www.howtoattract.net/
http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/
http://www.backlash.com/book/sexism.html
http://www.firstscience.com/site/articles/perception.asp
http://www.girlfriendstealer.com/index.php?id=1121593860
http://www.heartlessbitches.com/
http://www.csupomona.edu/~tassi/gestures.htm#gestures ;body language :lol:

Hi Renegade,

That lost post is so true. I find I've also rejected people because I've assumed they would reject me. I feel as though I'm invisible when I'm out but all the time I'm observing other people. I have to keep reminding myself that I have no evidence to think that they've got better lives than me or are much happier people. But it always makes me feel lonelier to see small groups of people accepting each other and ignoring me. That feeling goes back to when I was at school which I hated and couldn't wait to leave.

I naturally assume people dislike me until I get to know them so it's hard not to permanently feel rejected.