allergic2kryptonit
Active member
Hey everyone!
I'm new here. Just wondering if anyone can relate. Here's my story (abreviated of course):
Have some bad memories from early childhood (mostly involve my dad), was afraid to go to school. Social anxiety all the way through school, few friends, insecurity, low self esteem. In my twenties, I drank a lot to quell my anxiety, had bad relationships with the wrong kind of girls. I never felt that I deserved what I wanted. Now I'm in my early 30s, and I'm very depressed. Up until a couple years ago, I didn't even know what social anxiety was. Within the last couple of years, I've read a lot of self help and psychology books, but that awareness hasn't changed much of anything. I started taking zoloft a couple years ago for depression, and for the first time in my life I felt like I had some self-esteem. So then I got more depressed thinking about how I've lived the wrong way for so long, did things I'm ashamed of, let people use me, etc. Well, I managed to get it together enough to get into a real relationship - for a while. Then my fragile self esteem and insecurity kicked in and she went running for the hills. I'm broken hearted, depressed, and I've been neurotically searching for answers to what's wrong with me!! I just started therapy for the first time, but the guy I'm seeing doesn't seem to grasp the extent of my long-standing (lifetime) of problems!!!
So now I'm wondering, does this sound like just a bad case of social anxiety, undiagnosed (and unempathized by my parents when I was a kid) - or - do I have borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia or something else!??
Anyone have any insights??
I'm new here. Just wondering if anyone can relate. Here's my story (abreviated of course):
Have some bad memories from early childhood (mostly involve my dad), was afraid to go to school. Social anxiety all the way through school, few friends, insecurity, low self esteem. In my twenties, I drank a lot to quell my anxiety, had bad relationships with the wrong kind of girls. I never felt that I deserved what I wanted. Now I'm in my early 30s, and I'm very depressed. Up until a couple years ago, I didn't even know what social anxiety was. Within the last couple of years, I've read a lot of self help and psychology books, but that awareness hasn't changed much of anything. I started taking zoloft a couple years ago for depression, and for the first time in my life I felt like I had some self-esteem. So then I got more depressed thinking about how I've lived the wrong way for so long, did things I'm ashamed of, let people use me, etc. Well, I managed to get it together enough to get into a real relationship - for a while. Then my fragile self esteem and insecurity kicked in and she went running for the hills. I'm broken hearted, depressed, and I've been neurotically searching for answers to what's wrong with me!! I just started therapy for the first time, but the guy I'm seeing doesn't seem to grasp the extent of my long-standing (lifetime) of problems!!!
So now I'm wondering, does this sound like just a bad case of social anxiety, undiagnosed (and unempathized by my parents when I was a kid) - or - do I have borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia or something else!??
Anyone have any insights??