my struggle

yohannes

Well-known member
Since I was a child I was a very shy person, but I had friends and I was doing excellent in school. I laugh, joke, & played around. When I reach the age fourteen things completely changed. I became self conscious I thought I was a hideous person. I was convinced I was ugly and no one wanted to be with me. Going to school was hard I imagined everyone was looking at me and judging me. I had difficult time looking at people hoping they pass me by. The kids sow this as a weakness they torched me mentally calling me names and making my life a living hell. I had to change school five times hoping things will better. Things got so much harder in high school no friends. I became even shyer & quitter. I skipped classes hoping to get away from it all. They finally expelled me “saying I didn’t have enough credit to graduate” I should have been sad, but I was happy no more school no more pain.

Thankfully I had a part time job working in a supermarket. I got that job when I was sixteen. I was always nervous at that job I hated greeting customer. I mostly ignored most of my co-workers. That didn’t really help me it isolated me farther and farther. Most of my co-workers didn’t believe I was 18 I look older. They thought I was a liar and insane. I remember I went to a doctor and told him my age he was surprise he thought I was forty. That did wonder for my confident. I had a terrible skin condition since I was a child. Anyway, the job was easy but I was so nervous I messed up easily. Then I was labeled as a lazy and an idiot. No one had respect for me that really played a trick on my SA. I cut my work hour by 16 and started to stay in at home. My mom got sick of me she didn’t understand my problem she thought I was just lazy. So, she forced me to finish school. That wasn’t smooth ride I was twenty-one, but still the SA was stronger than ever. I didn’t talk to anyone in class most were adult like me they talked without a care. It heart me inside I knew I was an outgoing person. I would have love to joke and smile with them but couldn’t.

College was much different than high school. My skin problem significantly had improved now I look more like my age. I can honestly say I am a pretty good looking guy, but still college was suppose to be were you meet new people. I can’t say I haven’t met people I have, but I haven’t made any friends. I am still shy and quite. I am surrounded with students all day, but I am still lonely. That is when I realized there was a serious problem. I started using the internet then bingo SA maladaptive thoughts, fear, anxiety, & negative self etc I had it.

It took me ten years to realize it, but at list now I know. I took many steps to get rid of my SA. First I started to exercise I did weight & running to get rid of the physical symptoms. I do like 30km running one day then do weight training one day. Now I can honestly say I don’t get any panic attacks. Behavior wise I will be starting a therapy in September.
I am also doing meditation and kundalini yoga and reading books on SA you might find them useful. Here are the books, dying from embarrassment, painfully shy, the highly sensitive person, the anxiety & phobia work book, diagonally-parked in a parallel universe work through social anxiety, get out of your mind & into your life. I got a lion a tattoo to remind me that I am lion. A lion isn’t afraid anyone even if it’s 19ft tall. He knows that he is the king and he walks with confident.

I am hoping I will be able to bit SA in six month guys on my birthday when I turn 25. I am determined I won’t waste my life on think what if.
 
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