My story

Almost_there19

New member
I'm aged eighteen now. But seven years ago I stepped into a shiny new school where I thought I'd click with a few people and I'd have friends. It didn't work out that way. One person, a girl named Lindsay Taylor for some reason still unknown to be didn't like me. She was icy at first. Stupid dirty looks, or hissing in the classroom. I ignored it, anyone with a brain age higher than three could have. It was in my second year at school that things took a nose dive. Lindsay was making my life hell, I felt so insecure and ... scared of her. We were travelling in lift at school with three other people. My "bestfriend" the phrase disgusts me now. And two other boys. Out of no where, she hit me. She slapped me right across the face. My "friend" I would have assumed would have been ... protective maybe? A little concerned. When I looked at her, tears in my eyes, and my face still stinging from the slap. She was sniggering behind her hand, along with the other two boys. I expected it from them, they were the brainless idiots that smoked dope at the side of the school, and probably still pulled a girls hair to get her attention.
But my "bestfriend" was sitting there laughing as if it was all entertaining. In that one lift journey Lindsay must have hit my three more times. I was scared, and crying, and hurt. But none of the THREE people in there helped me. They never said stop, or even tried to help me. They sat there and laughed in my face. When we eventually got into the class we were supposed to go to, I tried to act as if everything was normal. I tried to bury the tears, and not let anyone there see that I had just been beaten in front of those people. After the glass my "friend" and that girl talked me back into the lift again. I was shaken, and crumbling fast. I cried a little, just a few tears, but that was obviously enough to set her off again. She hit me five times, all in order. The "friend" laughed and so did she.
I walked home, and cried all the way. But when I got to an area where someone might know me I stopped and pretended as if everything was fine.
From there Lindsay ruled my life. From a girl on the up, almost becoming a confident young woman. I was becoming a shell of any form of life. As anyone would, I spiralled into depression. Hung out with the kids that had broken homes if you like. They did drugs, smoked, got piercing god only knows what else. I began to skip school, a few lesson's here or there. I stole money from my parents and bought cigarettes with it, just hoping to find someone that gave a damn.
When I skipped my first entire day. I foolishly dragged my little brother along with me. We got home to find that the school had phoned and my mother was worried sick about us. We were in major trouble, but it was mainly me. I'd convinced him to do it, and I can't blame anyone. After hearing that I was in for a meeting with my head of year, I got so scared I began to take pills wanting to do anything to stop it happening. I drank nail polish remover, mixed with water to dull the taste too. Now that I think about it, I wasn't just hoping to die, I was hoping that someone would realise that I needed help. My attempt didn't work, I woke up alive and scared the next morning. I forced myself into school, and faced the music.
A few weeks, I was back at it. This time alone. Scared, and running for sanctuary. I went anywhere I could to be away from that place, just so I could breathe again. Every evening after school my parents would try to preassure me into going again. I really wished that I could, so I could make them proud and my something of my life. But I was too scared, and too alone. Just like flipping on a lightbulb. I felt as if my parents had abandoned me. That was when I met someone new to call a friend. Her name was Andrea Smith. A Jamacian girl with a big personality. We clicked just like I'd always thought would happen when I first started.
Within the space of another few weeks we were both skipping days from school. But this time Andrea was influencing me in the worst possible way. I thought that with my new extremely confident friend I'd be able to go to school and not be scared. But she convinced me to skip school again and to start stealing from shops. At the time I was so fragile that I would have done anything to feel accepted, so I did ... and I got a taste for it. We stole stupid things all over the place. I got hooked on the buzz of breaking the law and didn't want to stop.
After a day of shoplifting, with a particularly large bundle of various Item's that I didn't even want or need. My parents found out and went ballistic as you can imagine. They took the things I'd stolen and threw them away. That was after I'd been caught red handed at a supermarket. I had tried to sneak a few chocolates out of the wrapper, but was caught by a nosy shelf stacker. Because I was under aged at the time they could only send a letter to my home telling me that I was banned from ever going there.
My confidence was broken once again. Andrea must have gotten bored with her puppet as she began to hang around with other people. People nothing like me, they lived in posh places and had name brands all over the place.
Once again I felt fragile but I hellish ride was far from over.
On a rare rush of faith I attended school. Things were strange, but I had a strange confidence that I never knew I had. This clearly didn't sit right with Lindsay. During a P.E lesson, when I was helping the "friend" perform her phsyio excerises. She reared her ugly head. With a volley ball. She threw it at me. I batted it away, choosing to ignore her stupidity. But she kept throwing it, harder and harder. Sometimes I managed to bat it away before it hit me. Other times it hit me in the face, but they both just laughed. I don't know why I spoke to "Friend" again but I was desperate for acceptance. Everyone has said it. Just tell the bully to go away and they will.
Well I told my bully to "sod off" and she laughed smacking me in the face with the ball again. As if she was my bestfriend, she came in after me to help me wash up. My hands were shaking, I knew she was going to attack me again. Lindsay pinned me against the bathroom wall, and said she'd beat the life out of me if I didn't stop. Stop what I don't know. I even said that but she pushed her hand into my collar bone and warned me again before leaving. The next day I skipped school again. It was Andrea who talked me into it.
The next few months I never attended school. I was terrified of the thought to be honest. But I still never told anyone. A social worker was called in, it was the law that I had to attend school or my Mum could be sent to prison or fined up to a thousand pounds.
I was grateful that the woman was kind, she was middle aged I assumed. She introduced herself as Heather. We all sat down and talked, my mum who was being my pillar of support left the room so me and Heather could talk. She knew I had been bullied, and hated them as much as I did. With little courage I asked whether the school could possibly send home work for me to do. I still wanted to learn, that hadn't changed, but she couldn't. Not unless I had a plausable health reason not to, and bullying wasn't a good enough answer.
I was told to go to school the next day to try and start over. I got there fine, only after I held onto my mum's hand like a baby. We sat in a quiet office, and I felt nervous but as if I could handle it. Heather suggested that I go sit in for registration, but I said no, letting it be obvious that it was way too much too soon. We discussed what should happen next. She said we could do things slowly at first, just an hour or so here or there. That sounded fine, until my trial period was over.
With no parent, or kind social worker I was thrown in at the deep end. That's when I had a mental melt down. I had my first panic attack. Alone I sat in the girls bathroom, crying and breathing like a thirty a day smoker would. When I got up the courage I walked out of the school. The relief that poured over me was wonderful. I went home, and although I could tell Mum was disappointed she let me stay.
Although I was genuinely trying to make things work, I left school only a few months later. Officially I mean. Mum had given up pushing me and let me stay home.
A fresh start I thought. But it was only the calm before the storm. I became the bud of every joke when it came to school or being stupid. Whenever I had an argument with someone, they'd mention me giving up school and I'd lose. Still no one knew the truth. I didn't want them to know ... I don't know why. Maybe if I'd told someone about it, I wouldn't have fallen down like that.
My older sister the one that went to college for a year. Kept telling me to go back to school or start looking for work etc, etc. I was still healing from my last experience with school, so I shunned the advice and convinced myself that things would get better.
In my depression I didn't trust myself with razors, I sat alone in my room and wished I was dead countless times ... then I had a break-through. I set myself a real goal in life. I finally after all that I'd been through felt as if I had a purpose. Although I get dark and moody sometimes, and I have yet to feel comfortable going to the area where my school is. I'm alive and I'm trying to make things better.


Recently. Things have gone on the up. I'm currently writting a book, not about my experiences because still no one know's the whole story. I've also heard some pieces of news that made me smile from ear to ear. Firstly, "friend" got engaged, and has plan's to move abroad to be with her Greek Lover. Secondly, as my waistband decreased from not eatting, Lindsay Taylor's has expanded. I heard it from a good source who saw her in a pair of track bottoms. It only makes as bad as she was to me, but I laughed at this news, and felt better about my appearence. Also the same person is stacking shelves for a living. Which possibly makes me the better person out of all this. I'm under educated compared to her, but I'm going to teach hopefully.

Thank-you for reading.

Me.
 

Tryin

Well-known member
First, welcome to the site. Second, thanks for sharing your story. It would be a pleasure for me to chat with you, so PM me anytime. You seem like a big personality - never giving up (at least not completely :wink: ) Keep it up, and keep us informed about how you're progressing, please. :D And...

Send you hugs, sweetheart. Bullying is a crime. Part of the problem with being bullied is that you may find it hard to talk about it, accept it and get over it, because you feel ashamed. Sometimes, when we are treated badly, we tend to believe that we actaully deserve it - that we are unworthy and ungood and all. Dear AlmostThere, don't let Lindsay or anyone else control your life, hurt you, or prevent you from doing things you want to do (like studiing, having friens and simply feeling comfortable about who you are and what you do).

Try to get over it, sweetie. I would strongly recommend talking to someone. Also seeing a therapist could certainly help. Go for it! You were treated badly but move on now! I know you can do it.

Hugs,
Sue
 
I can't imagine what you've been feeling as you went through all that. You should be proud that you've pulled through and i'm sure your mum is proud of you.

Good luck with the teaching.. are you doing Alevels now?
 

CHEZNAX

New member
I feel your pain, honey, really I do. I haven't had it that bad already, but things are getting worse for me, and all I can say is that there is nothing wrong with you these people are dumb losers. If I was there I would have helped you. carry pepper spray with you, keep your chin up, study hard, report these criminals and accept you have a higher I.Q. and better things to do for fun than they have.

Some humans are people, and some are animals.
 

Sad010Girl

New member
I m 15 years old girl and i am bullied because of my voice(wich sounds like a man) and my look(i dont care about my look anymore)
At school i only talk to peaple if its necessary.

My mother, father, me and my two sisters went to live at my grandparents house.(i was about 5years old) five years later i had to suffer in family dispute. My grandfather, grandmother were picking on my mother(i dont know why). There was a little fight between my mother, father and grandfather, but they all managed to be normal again. Then again..and again some stupid family fights. It got even worse. I didnt understand those things at this times. But one day i saw my father and mother fighting..i was crying it was so terrible. My mother was going crazy.
One year later there was a conflict when we were going to sleep and my grandmother went into our room and she started to clean it(at night, wasnt it strange). Then there was a picking again. My mother was wery scared, she didnt do anything wrong she wanted to put us sleep, but my grandmother came to clean the rooms. Then my grandfather came upstairs(he is a very angry and strong man). Me and my sisters were in beds going to sleep, but my mother went crazy she breaked the window and wanted to jump down(it was second floor). We all had to watch this! it was terrible. I didnt think at the time i was kinda shocked and i ran outside to wait when it was going to be over.
Nowadays my mother is crasy and living alone with my younger sister. My father has a new family and two childs. Me and my other sister are living at my grandmothers/fathers place.(because its the only place to live normally).

..sometimes i cry..WHY ME AND MY FAMILY!!
I m fucking bullied at school. Now i remembered those things again and i m almost crying. My music taste has chanced. I feel like the only grown up in my class.
I HATE my grandparents because all this.
I hate my grandmother most because she is the worst grandmother ever.
If i need something my grandmother says: ITS TOO EXPENSIVE!! I CANT BUY IT" (but me and i sister know she has money on her credit card, same about the grandfather).
Right now i dont know anything about my future. I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH!. ..i dont want to talk anymore about these things so i m gonna stop here.

Hope u understand what i was writing cause i m not from england and either from america. I have a bad english.
:cry:
 
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