My Shyness

n0id

Active member
Hi, I am new to this forum!

I wanted to ask a question but I'm not sure where or who to ask, so I decided to do it anonymous on a forum. Aww.

My current life is really simple: Wake up, go to work, go home and use computer, go to sleep.
I have trouble keeping friends.

At the moment I have one good friend, and three other friends from my band. But I never meet with those three other than when we practise.

I am not very good at coming up with conversations, reading and unterstanding other peoples statements, or getting hints.
I am also not very good at, infact I don't, talk when there are more than two people in the same room.
If two people are talking together about something, I am unable to join the conversation. Also I can't talk with one person knowing that the third person is listening to our conversation. It doesn't matter if they are male or female.
So that is very frustrating to me.


If I meet somebody I've never seen or met, and I know he/she doesn't know who I am, I can easily talk with that person. As long as I know nobody I know or nobody who know who who I am, is listening or is close by. Aww that was weird to write. Didn't know how to describe it.

Anyway, Does anyone know what could be my problem?

I have been thinking a lot about this stuff and I know it is shyness.


My life background has consisted of moving around from town to town every 2 years. My parents where very young when they had me, and they were unable to find a good job to support the whole family.

So I've had tons of friends, but the friendship is very short.

When I was little and we had visitors, my parents saw it best not to let me be together with them as I was just a child and stuff. So I had to watch TV or go out or whatever.
I wasn't allowed to interrupt them if they were having a conversation.

I believe these past events have led towards my shyness.
But I could be wrong, or my memory could just be playing tricks on me as I've thought about the source for my shyness for so long now.

The reason I believe this to be true is because the other day I decided to cut my hair short. I have always been afraid to have short hair (1cm or shorter). But then it hit me, I remembered when my mother cut my hair and by accident cut it too short on one side, so to adjust it she cut it short on the other side. It ended up with me being nearly bald :(
My mom was shocked and apologised, as well as at school I was teased because of the short hair. (It was popular to have long(er) hair back then).
Anyway so I decided to cut it really short because I knew it would grow out one day. Believe it or not, I think I look sexy now! :D

So by overcoming the fear of having short hair by cutting myself really short, I believe it would be possible to overcome the fear of speaking up in groups/around people I know by just doing it!

I haven't had the courage to do that yet. I found that alcohole helps. But when the alcohole wears out I am back to my old self. I don't want to be an alcoholic either. So I can't get drunk whenever I want to speak with people, I also won't remember who I met or what we talked about, so it's a bad idea.

Anyway.

Any idea what I can do?

Ps. Sorry for the long post. Aww:S
 

Kanon

Well-known member
Hello and welcome. ^-^

It sounds like you have a few bad memories locked away in your closet. These are the things that stay in the back of your mind whenever you do something. Like you mentioned, you did not like having shorter hair because of your experience in the past with short hair. Seems like the events in your lifetime have worked more in a cause and effect method.
I think the answer is simple since you know the causes, and just have to work toward the solutions. =D (of course that is easier said than done).

A few things that have helped me personally are the "wikihows" that can easily be found by using google and typing something like "how to start a conversation" etc. Following these guidelines, combined with your own uniqueness will really show results. It takes practice, but practice makes perfect, and even if you do mess up, you still have an idea of where you are at and what you need to work on, instead of messing up and being completely lost and giving up more and more hope toward a solution.
 
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