Old 06-29-2010
Entourage!'s Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanked 0 Times
Entourage! Entourage! is offline
Newbie User
Entourage!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanked 0 Times
Hi all, this is my online social journal. For the past 2 or so years I have been slacking on my social life. So now I'm going to hold myself accountable and keep a journal online. Several years ago I had no problem finding new friends, parties, or women - but I was a fool and took a break and now I reverted back to a shy guy who plays video games all day. But NO MORE!! I'm going to start getting out there and improve my social skills.

My goals are relatively simple:

Make new friends
Talk to strangers
Meet beautiful women
Stop the voice inside my head that criticizes me when I'm socializing
Become very well spoken
Become so socially savvy that I don't even need to think about what to do

A little more info on my situation. I have a few friends I talk to regularly, but a lot of friends I've lost contact with. So I plan on strengthening my social network and becoming a better more involved friend. A lot of the reason I let these contacts fall away is because I was scared that I was too pushy, which is silly. Everyone likes a concerned friend! I get REALLY scared when I talk to strangers, especially women. My heart starts pumping, my hands sweat, and I start thinking "am I using the right body language right now? What should I say next?" Sometimes I mumble when I speak, because I really don't talk that often. But I want to become such a great speaker that I love talking, and I'm not afraid to talk because I might mumble sometimes and feel stupid.

It sounds like a lot, but I'm confident I can crack this in 3 months or so. I plan on going out a lot more to socialize. I KNOW I'm going to look stupid. I KNOW I'm going to look like a complete social retard once or twice. But hey man, you gotta put in the work if you want to become great at something. Basically, I want to get this **** HANDLED.
Entourage! is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 06-29-2010
coyote's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: up north
Posts: 13,759
Thanked 0 Times
coyote coyote is offline
Elite User
coyote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: up north
Posts: 13,759
Thanked 0 Times
Sounds great! Good luck, and keep us posted.
__________________
"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." - Voltaire

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." - Max De Pree

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin
coyote is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 06-29-2010
Entourage!'s Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanked 0 Times
Entourage! Entourage! is offline
Newbie User
Entourage!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanked 0 Times
The first project I'm working on, transparency.

Back when I was out and about all the time several years ago, I told people so much personal information and honestly, WHATEVER was on my mind. I had no "social filter" so to speak. I would speak my mind 99% of the time. If I was depressed I told people. If I did something amazing and felt ecstatic I would tell people, even strangers. I didn't "think" about what to say before I said it when I was talking to someone. I didn't debate to myself internally, "should I say this? Will it make me look stupid? They probably don't want to know what I have to say anyway".

Now I have a HUGE social filter. I think before I speak ALL. THE. TIME. Now some social filter is good. You don't want to be a jack ***. But you KNOW when your filter is too restrictive. You KNOW when you're having more conversation in your head than with the person you're speaking to.

So basically my challenge is to become EXTREMELY bold. I'm saying whatever is on my mind. Why? Because I have very valuable opinions, god damn it. =)

I plan on going to 2 kick backs this week. I'll be extremely bold and say everything that's on my mind, excluding anything offensive. Regardless of what my "inner critic" says. Obviously there may be alcohol to help get things started
Entourage! is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 06-29-2010
HeavyRain's Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: NV
Posts: 57
Thanked 0 Times
HeavyRain HeavyRain is offline
Newbie User
HeavyRain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: NV
Posts: 57
Thanked 0 Times
I admire the determination in you, I hope everything goes well. Good luck!
HeavyRain is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 06-30-2010
Entourage!'s Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanked 0 Times
Entourage! Entourage! is offline
Newbie User
Entourage!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanked 0 Times
All I have to say is, wow.

So I went out tonight to my friends place. We start drinking, having fun, it's all good. My friends are single and decide to invite some more women over to drink. "Cool!" I say out loud, "I can be you're wing man!". So my friend calls one of the girls, he tells her who all is over at the place. He has her over speaker phone, and she proceeds to tell him "**** Entourage!". Now I haven't hung out with this chick in months, mainly because she talked crap about my friends and I, and she obviously either is a) joking or b) still is talking crap. Whatever, so she comes over we talk immediately and she wants to know why we haven't hung out. I told her because she never texts me and I'm busy, she thinks I'm lying and makes a big deal out of it and essentially ignores me. So everyone is talking drinking and hooking up except for me, LOL.

Now. Most shy people would play the victim card in this case. They would point to this situation and say aloud, "SEE?!? I am the victim!! It's not my fault I'm not naturally charismatic, you either have it or you don't!!" or "people are just shallow!". Well guys, F$%# that. F$%# it. It was an uncomfortable learning experience and I'm going to take it just as that and run with it. While I was the odd man out I've made the decision to completely cut video games out of my life entirely. I won't even so much as play a game of tetris. Not only that, I'm, going to replace that time void with activities that increase my self esteem. AKA I plan on joining a new gym soon.

I do not care what it takes, but I will become the most charismatic, social person I know; or I'll die trying. I'm tired of being so depressed about this area of my life. I will honestly die trying. Even though tonight didn't pan out as planned, I am EXTREMELY optimistic.

P.S. (I did complete my boldness challenge! =) I was saying everything, and expressing how I felt at all times. I am already noticing significant improvement, so I definitely feel proud of myself!)

Last edited by Entourage!; 06-30-2010 at 12:36 PM.
Entourage! is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 07-02-2010
Entourage!'s Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanked 0 Times
Entourage! Entourage! is offline
Newbie User
Entourage!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanked 0 Times
Well damn it. I "relapsed" (lol) and played this stupid video game for a bit. It's an MMO so it DEVOURS time. I did some research on my account and over the past 3 weeks I've played 105 hours. Divide that by 21 and I've been playing this stupid game on average 5 hours a day.

GEE. I wonder if I spent that time out in the world that maybe I would be more charismatic?! lol it's a no brainer. It's a good thing though.. Because now I've played the game so much that I'm SICK of it. Whereas if I quit "cold turkey" I'd miss it more. Now I just can't stand it. I would honestly need to invest at least 60 more hours into it just to be competitive, (and even then other players would be way ahead of me).

So this is a good thing! I'll have on average, 5 extra hours a day for productive habits.
Entourage! is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 07-02-2010
ripewithdecay's Avatar
Advanced User
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 367
Thanked 0 Times
ripewithdecay ripewithdecay is offline
Advanced User
ripewithdecay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 367
Thanked 0 Times
Man I can remember how many times i 'relapsed' trying to quit playing video games and do something constructive. Glad to say i got it under control, i only play during the evenings. But you know what? all my problems are still there so i guess it was never the games's faults after all!
ripewithdecay is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 07-02-2010
Entourage!'s Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanked 0 Times
Entourage! Entourage! is offline
Newbie User
Entourage!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanked 0 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by ripewithdecay View Post
Man I can remember how many times i 'relapsed' trying to quit playing video games and do something constructive. Glad to say i got it under control, i only play during the evenings. But you know what? all my problems are still there so i guess it was never the games's faults after all!
Amen brotha. I've quit video games in the past and I always ended up just replacing the bad habit with something else equally bad. Not to say video games are bad! But when I play video games, it's in 6 hour blocks.

But my project I'm working on right now is filling that time by doing things to increase my self esteem. Right now I'm focusing on making myself look more attractive. I would say I'm average right now.. I'm shooting to be a 9/10. Get some nice clothes, work out, work on my break outs and I'm THERE.

I can already feel my social vibe begin to relax and feel chill around people. I'm going out again tonight and I'm REALLY looking forward to it.
Entourage! is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 07-03-2010
Expert User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 616
Thanked 0 Times
mmmm mmmm is offline
Expert User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 616
Thanked 0 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by Entourage! View Post
You KNOW when you're having more conversation in your head than with the person you're speaking to.




This was an Oprah AH-HA moment for me. Many thanks.
mmmm is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Zoloft journal EscapeArtist Social Anxiety Medication 0 05-22-2010 02:18 AM
Skatergirl's Journal Skatergirl Social Anxiety Forum 5 06-14-2009 04:55 PM
Journal durda_dan OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Forum 0 03-28-2009 07:09 AM
iontophoresis journal sweatypalms Hyperhidrosis Forum 0 01-16-2008 07:50 PM
Seroxat Journal JackHackett Social Anxiety Treatment & Therapies 0 01-03-2008 03:34 PM

All times are GMT. The time now is 06:36 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
 
Contact Us Privacy