My Loneliness

Everyday is the same, nothing to do, lately I've just been online all day. In the day is very aweful because everyone is working or at school so I'm usually in near empty chat rooms exchanging hi's and how are you's. This type of loneliness destroys me, sometimes I feel like I could cry because of it. It's a lonesome problem because nobody ever really knows how lonely and sad you are. This hurts me so much because I know I will have to live like this for another 2 years atleast, I don't know if you can actually call this living. I go on facebook and see long lost friends still together smiling, having fun, enjoying life and I just want to die sometimes. The buddhists say that your life is affected by what you did in your past life, I don't know what the fuck I must have did in my past life but it must have been pretty bad for things to be like this. Even online people develop friendships, ppl just know me by name when they see me, because of this fucking loneliness I have nothing in common with anyone, no stories to tell, nothing to share. Right now I'm a true social outcast, a depressive recluse, I don't know why I choose to live, there's no real use for me in this world. It's like groundhog day everyday for the past 6 years, I've missed on so much stuff that makes life worth living. I mean, does it make sense to live just to live? People live because of love, friendship, because they do something they love, they contribute something to the world. Does it make sense to just wake up everyday just to wake up? I know that things aren't going to get better for a long time, so I just have to brace myself for many more days like this, i hate this. I don't want to kill myself because I'm scared of whatever is out there and I don't want to hurt my loved ones, but I'm definitely not happy being here. I don't want to be scaring ppl with suicide threats, I just don't feel happy right now, all of this is so frustrating. Why couldn't have had just one friend this entire time? All these years by myself, I don't want to do too many more, it's too hard.[/code]

You know I kind of feel the same way you do. It seems like everyone makes friends so easy and that they have so much going on in their lives and all I do is get on chat rooms all day sitting around the house and doing nothing. It's so pathetic and not to mention boreing. I don't want to end my life anytime soon I just want to make some good friends and have fun again. I think that's why school is such a terrible experience for me. Nobody really likes school but atleast most people have friends that they can talk to during school not having friends just makes it worst. Anyway I hope you feel better soon

Hey, if anyone knows how painful lonliness can be, it's me. I've been terribly lonely for most of my life, and when I am so lonely I just try to distract myself and my negative thinking, and do something,anything positive. Focus on a hobby and say to yourself that it will not always be like this. Because it won't if you do not want it to. I'm literally dragging myself out of my comfort zone and getting a volunteer job, and that's really uncomfortable for me. But if I don't want to be so alone anymore, I have to do it, have to.

i feel like that right now. i am home from university for winter break and all my high school friends are probably getting together. it seems like people always have places to be and people to see and im never on that list. my days are empty. i havent seen anyone outside of my family since i got home.

i was looking forward to coming home because im not comfortable with my college friends but i am more comforable (not entirely) with my high school friends.. but i seem to be forgotten about

they all have different lives now and i have no stories to share about college because i spent my weekends alone in my room online or watching tv.

i feel like im missing out on so much. i feel so miserable and hopeless. i want to go out and do something but i have no motivation and im so sure im going to be anxious and not enjoy it anyway...so why put myself through the stress?