My Friend

Hello, I’m new to the forums.

I have a friend that I really care for, and she is going through some rough times at the moment, and I’m not sure what I can do or say, to cheer her up. She has had ‘those types of thoughts’ but is unwilling to take it further because she doesn’t want to dishonor her family. She has shared that without my friendship, she would not have been able to go on for as long as she had.

Here’s her situation,
She keeps eating, even when she has no craving. She has shared with me that she would like to eat to the point of her body exploding, so that she has no body and nobody remembers her.

She imagines inappropriate thoughts like dirty jokes and things of a sexual nature, while working.

She is afraid of her future. She is an actuary, but doesn’t like her job. She wants to return to grad school to get her master’s degree, but is not sure if she will exceed in other areas.

She thinks all the mistakes she has made in the past, will be repeated.

She feels lonely, like she has been abandoned. She shared that people are born alone and pass away alone, therefore, it must be natural to be alone. She’s unable to forget why people left her, leaving her alone.

She went through a depressing period in her life, and was frustrated because she felt so lonely, despite being in a live-in arrangement with her then ex-fiance. She couldn’t shake off the loneliness. After her breakup, she believed that she’ll never feel lonely if she was committed to somebody. She dated her friend’s acquaintance, saying beforehand that she will give up her life to him, whether she was attracted to him or not. After that meeting, she was so suffocated that she cried afterwards, feeling miserable.

Other people have told her that everything will be okay, but she says, “How can you understand me, when you’re not me?”

She has drinked herself to the point of being drunk and watched porn. She feels, that others would view her as being ‘sick and disgusting.’ She feels like a jerk by telling me all her negative feelings, and believes she is ruining our friendship and that I am disappointed in her.

She feels that she has to find meaningful things in her life to stand all her negative events. She hasn’t found one yet. Overall, she’s not sure how to feel better.

Again, would like some advice on how to cheer her up. Hoping for favorable responses.

The only thing I can tell you is just be there for her. You sound like you are the only person she has in her life at this moment. Let her know you are there for her and will support her. Talk her into getting some help maybe a theripist or something. What dose she do for fun? try doing that with her. You just have to understand that you may cheer her up for a few hours but it never lasts Just be there for her the best you can.

I agree with truffleshuffle, you always have to be there for her. just tell her that their are a lot of people who suffer just like her. remind her that this is temporary and she will get past all of this. recommend that she see a therapist and perhaps medication will be a good option for her mood. just tell her to find hobbies and be around positive people. if you can try to get her to meditate and calm down. this works for me, but for a number of reasons i can not do this at the moment, but what hopefully later i can do this: tell her to sit on a bed, chair, lie on the ground, whatever she is really, really comfortable with. tell her to calm her self. make sure you have a calming voice when you talk and give her encouragement and compliments like your strong, and together we will get through this. then tell her to inhale slowly and hold for two seconds, then exhale. have her do this a couple of times while her eyes are shut, then have her imagine in herself in a really beautiful place, like at the beach or wherever she would like to imagine her self. tell her to picture a warm feeling with her and just try to get her calm and with a positive attitude. tell her to do this at work when she is sitting down and feels like i cant do this anymore, tell her to do this whenever she feels stressed or anxious. tell her that this will get her by each day. reassure her of everything you can (you know her better than any of us) of anything in her life that is good and that many people are their for her support. and tell her that if she needs it she can make an account on this site and talk to any of us if she needs it. try to get her to do any of the things she previously enjoyed. if you need help with anything else, just put another post. i hope this helps you out man, i wish you the best of luck! i really hope you can get her help!

Can you just be with her with all her faults? Hope you can Just tell her that your door of heart will always be open no matter how bad she is, to give her re-assurance...!! And also tell her that having sexual thoughts is so common. I understand some people including me want to suppress those thoughts, thereby making an issue. Sometimes it helps to express these thoughts with a good friend who wouldn't take advantage of knowing secrets.

In Buddhism, there is a teaching to get over LUST: you imagine that the object of your desire becomes your mother or sister, with whom you would never think of having sex. Or, you imagine them as old, ugly and decaying so that the fire of lust dies out.

p.s : I imagine the feces, the sweat, the disgusting liquid in the eyes, the ear-lobes full of dirt, ewww....all the excretions from all the holes are so dirty, how can you like that body? hehe

Thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate it.

I tried the suggestions listed in this thread. Initially, my friend said that she is not a ‘patient,’ but she was grateful for my words and approach.

She eventually found her way back, which is great. She likes the word 'love,' which provides her with energy. She attributes her sadness to feeling a lack of love. This, and the few times that she has ben happy in her life, are far and few between. She concluded that she should admire herself for getting through her rough times.

I’m not sure what to conclude here. In the thread, someone suggested that her upswing is transient. She has been feeling blue, every now and then, and I’m sure it will come back. Is there a way to classify her personality?

I’m not sure what to conclude here. In the thread, someone suggested that her upswing is transient. She has been feeling blue, every now and then, and I’m sure it will come back. Is there a way to classify her personality?

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Maybe she's bipolar? I don't know, I not a doctor, but if she's going through mood swings, this could be a possibility.