This will be my very first post on any forum on this subject and i feel i should vent/rant and share my story also because its only fitting since you all have shared yours. Forgive me my grammar and writing skills have faded a lot since the last time ive been to school and i was a C student at best, not because i was naturally dumb but because i simply did not care. I am 100% sure you will find this hard to read as i jump from subject to subject quite often. Im sorry but its the best i can do with what i have. Not to mention i typed this out in microsoft word and copy n pasted it, now having posted it the forum decided to smash all the paragraphs up and F@ck all!.
I have never meet another person that has had hyperhidrosis because i rarely come out of my cage, this forum seems to be the only place to go. I have palmar, foot, armpit, and groin hyperhidrosis. The worse is my feet and hands. My feet and hands can literally drip in the summertime its so bad. I am Asian and im told Asians are the most affect race of all hyperhidrosis victims. I am in my late 20s and i dont ever remember having any close friends in my life, just random people ive meet over the years that dont really have a place in my life. I did not know that that this was a medical condition and called hyperhidrosis until around 22 when i started to ask questions to google/yahoo/searchengines, why am i so different?! why am i such a loser!. Ive been single all my life because i fear that i will get rejected as soon as she touches my nasty palms. I regualarly smear the ink and pencil lead on my school work and get so depressed when i turn in my paper and its damp from all the sweat, i just want to stick my head in the dirt while i hand in my papers. I have all the psychological symptons of your average hyperhidrosis sufferer and more.
I have done a ton of research on this condidtion ever since i found out about it and i tried everything except the surgery and pills for obvious reasons. I guess im sort of a naturalist and old fashion type, i refuse to take any medicine when even when im sick. I rather fight the sickness with my immune system. I have had medical insurance most my life, but the only time i used it is when i broke my ankle years ago, if it is anything less i refuse to go to the hospital for it. Im through with all these expensive temporary gimmicky fixes. I have just decided to stop it all and try in live out my meaningless little existence in solitude the natural way.
My youth was my prison knowing that i could never touch anyone without them freaking out or accepting me. Who has ever accepted someone sweating on them?, even someone like me could not accept someone undesirable sweating on me. So I simply took myself out of social interactions which required touch. Then it leads to no interaction just me playing with myself under a lonely tree. I hate myself when I see couples holding hands cause i know i could never have that. I could never caress the cheeks of a lover, i could never hold her head while i gently kiss her. I could never touch someone without knowing they feel my sweat and they ewwww silently in their minds and i know they would because i would. So i hide, i hide...
There is a subject here i must address, I agree with some of the users here when they say that all you other hyperhidrosis type are much too happy go lucky. Unlike a lot of you who look at the positive side and "glass is half full" i am the complete opposite, i let this defeat me my entire life and it has because i have never been taught otherwise. Maybe you are rich or your condition is hardly anything at all and can carry on a decent life. But for me and the rest of us, saying "its going to be ok" or "cheer up buddy" etc does not help at all, it actually makes me angry because when people say that they have no idea the excruciating pain you are actually going through and say it simply for the sake of saying it. A simple "im with you" is all we need. I dont need to be told to cheer up! and look at the better side of life, so all you 'glass is half full' types can F off!. Im 29 now and never dated, never had sex, never had 'real' friends not even 1 best friend, never go out, soak everything i wear, and more. So forgive me if im just a little tiny bit pissed at all the optimist comments.
This part is completely different dont really bother reading it. I have nobody to talk to so...im just trying to relieve some of the pressure on the bottle...thanks
The story of my ****ing life how pathetic it is. I suffer from depression my entire life like every other person, have had suicidal thoughts for the last half of my life because of hyperhidrosis it has caused everything the build up of me eventually being anti social. I understand everyone suffers from depression. I know people whose lives are much ****tier than mine only difference is they are not quitters like me. Seen a few psychiatrist and thought they could help but boy was i wrong, all they could do was lend an ear and fill out a prescription. I lost all hope for psychiatrists after that, what a ****ing joke ass occupation ****ing phoney as hell. I took the medication and threw it in the trash that **** wont help i seen the movies i seen the real life patients, those pills make it worse. I don't even take medicine for fevers or pain or drink or smoke so hell no im not sticking that experimental psycho drug down my throat. I figure im gonna live with depression and suicidal thoughts for the rest of my life so i aint ****ing taking your damn overpriced side effect causing drugs. I always think of whats the least messy way to do it cause im not a cruel person. I have empathy, id hate to clean up someone elses brain matter from a shotgun wound to the head. Every now and then you'll find me on Google typing mental things like "how to die easily?" or "Depression" or "my life sucks" or "lonely virgin" or "i think im mental" or "how to tie a proper noose" or "how messy is a gunshot wound". I put one bullet into the chamber and cock the hammer back till it clicks in place sitting on the side of my tiny cot that i love so much im scared ****less im scared of how much money my funeral is going to cost my family im scared for the person that has to clean up this mess im scared that nobody will want to buy this house after im gone because someone died in it im scared that ill never see my family grow old im scared of the unknown that awaits my energy after it leaves this empty husk im so afraid but i pull the barrel away from my temple slowly and breath a huge *sigh* of relief and this goes on. I place a poorly made noose around my neck i tie it to my doorway pullup bar i think i hope they find this before it starts to decompose im so sorry i left this mess for you all i think this is such a selfish act but im tired now tired of all the ugliness tired of being a lonely sparrow in the rain, tired of me, i hope this will be quick i slowly descend in the standing position till it gets tight the blood flows circulation slows down reaching my brain i see tiny little flashy stars now my face is turning red and hot, its hurting a lot i pull up quickly before i feel any sign of faintness and breath a *sigh* of relief i didn't have the balls to do it. Ill always run into forums with people like me and its so relieving to find people that are struggling too because you feel all alone a lot of times with this. This is how i came onto this forum, I read peoples sad stories and it gets me through the day, i guess its that natural instinct of feeding off of someone elses misfortunes. i know its cruel but it works because i live good. i rarely ever get to see people in real life who are actually suffering like what doctors do or policemen/firemen or humanitarian aid workers see. So im trapped in this facking blind bubble and i need a hard dose of reality like running into that poor lady at the grocery who had burn scars from head 2 toe its like a defibrillation shock paddle hit dose of suck it the **** it you idiot. When i feel depressed or am down im aware that im a complete selfish ******* prick because its such an idiotic act. I think of all the people that really do actually have something to be down/depressed about like the blind, people missing limbs, the deaf, people that are actually starving to death.
When i dont have a job my suicidal thoughts kick my ass hard. I feel so worthless it saps all my energy my motivation and then i ****ing dont want to look for a job at all making it worse because job hunting is so ****ing hard especially if your a picky **** like me who doesnt like robotic jobs. Ive been there and i refuse to work another robotic ****ing job but thats where to spoildness comes in again. That ****ing "i deserve better bull**** 1st world psyche" when a 3rd worlder would gladly slice my neck open for the job. So much pressure to be fake and accetable than real and unacceptable. I have exiled myself from society in order to not see others joy in life, see their great accomplishments, because when compared to me. I am only human i lust, i envy, i desire, i want, i need, i am easily corruptable and i am not afraid to admit it that i enjoy lusting, envying, desiring, wanting, and needing it is my god given right and i abuse it regularly why should i suppress my god given rights, why should anyone?. No energy to try, i just dont care anymore. Ive always had this 'i dont care' mentality i think it formed when i was younger because when i tried it didnt matter and then when i did not try it mattered. I got bombarded with these mixeds messages so often that i just gave up sadly and blocked it all out with 'i dont care'. I wish i wasnt bombarded with so much negative energy in life, a little is good it clears your ego and kicks you back into reality but too much kills your soul. Man i feel like such a worthless ****bag. But self defeat i have defeated my self i have lost myself im a quiter i never finish anything. I cant find anyway to recover it feels too far too hard too much i dont know anymore im tired i walk till i can walk no longer empty devoid. THIS IS NOT A CRY FOR HELP, so dont give me your preach about go see this guy and go take this medicine and go read this book or the grass is greener on the other side BS. Im sorry about being so harsh its tough to be positive under these circumstances please understand.
I have never meet another person that has had hyperhidrosis because i rarely come out of my cage, this forum seems to be the only place to go. I have palmar, foot, armpit, and groin hyperhidrosis. The worse is my feet and hands. My feet and hands can literally drip in the summertime its so bad. I am Asian and im told Asians are the most affect race of all hyperhidrosis victims. I am in my late 20s and i dont ever remember having any close friends in my life, just random people ive meet over the years that dont really have a place in my life. I did not know that that this was a medical condition and called hyperhidrosis until around 22 when i started to ask questions to google/yahoo/searchengines, why am i so different?! why am i such a loser!. Ive been single all my life because i fear that i will get rejected as soon as she touches my nasty palms. I regualarly smear the ink and pencil lead on my school work and get so depressed when i turn in my paper and its damp from all the sweat, i just want to stick my head in the dirt while i hand in my papers. I have all the psychological symptons of your average hyperhidrosis sufferer and more.
I have done a ton of research on this condidtion ever since i found out about it and i tried everything except the surgery and pills for obvious reasons. I guess im sort of a naturalist and old fashion type, i refuse to take any medicine when even when im sick. I rather fight the sickness with my immune system. I have had medical insurance most my life, but the only time i used it is when i broke my ankle years ago, if it is anything less i refuse to go to the hospital for it. Im through with all these expensive temporary gimmicky fixes. I have just decided to stop it all and try in live out my meaningless little existence in solitude the natural way.
My youth was my prison knowing that i could never touch anyone without them freaking out or accepting me. Who has ever accepted someone sweating on them?, even someone like me could not accept someone undesirable sweating on me. So I simply took myself out of social interactions which required touch. Then it leads to no interaction just me playing with myself under a lonely tree. I hate myself when I see couples holding hands cause i know i could never have that. I could never caress the cheeks of a lover, i could never hold her head while i gently kiss her. I could never touch someone without knowing they feel my sweat and they ewwww silently in their minds and i know they would because i would. So i hide, i hide...
There is a subject here i must address, I agree with some of the users here when they say that all you other hyperhidrosis type are much too happy go lucky. Unlike a lot of you who look at the positive side and "glass is half full" i am the complete opposite, i let this defeat me my entire life and it has because i have never been taught otherwise. Maybe you are rich or your condition is hardly anything at all and can carry on a decent life. But for me and the rest of us, saying "its going to be ok" or "cheer up buddy" etc does not help at all, it actually makes me angry because when people say that they have no idea the excruciating pain you are actually going through and say it simply for the sake of saying it. A simple "im with you" is all we need. I dont need to be told to cheer up! and look at the better side of life, so all you 'glass is half full' types can F off!. Im 29 now and never dated, never had sex, never had 'real' friends not even 1 best friend, never go out, soak everything i wear, and more. So forgive me if im just a little tiny bit pissed at all the optimist comments.
This part is completely different dont really bother reading it. I have nobody to talk to so...im just trying to relieve some of the pressure on the bottle...thanks
The story of my ****ing life how pathetic it is. I suffer from depression my entire life like every other person, have had suicidal thoughts for the last half of my life because of hyperhidrosis it has caused everything the build up of me eventually being anti social. I understand everyone suffers from depression. I know people whose lives are much ****tier than mine only difference is they are not quitters like me. Seen a few psychiatrist and thought they could help but boy was i wrong, all they could do was lend an ear and fill out a prescription. I lost all hope for psychiatrists after that, what a ****ing joke ass occupation ****ing phoney as hell. I took the medication and threw it in the trash that **** wont help i seen the movies i seen the real life patients, those pills make it worse. I don't even take medicine for fevers or pain or drink or smoke so hell no im not sticking that experimental psycho drug down my throat. I figure im gonna live with depression and suicidal thoughts for the rest of my life so i aint ****ing taking your damn overpriced side effect causing drugs. I always think of whats the least messy way to do it cause im not a cruel person. I have empathy, id hate to clean up someone elses brain matter from a shotgun wound to the head. Every now and then you'll find me on Google typing mental things like "how to die easily?" or "Depression" or "my life sucks" or "lonely virgin" or "i think im mental" or "how to tie a proper noose" or "how messy is a gunshot wound". I put one bullet into the chamber and cock the hammer back till it clicks in place sitting on the side of my tiny cot that i love so much im scared ****less im scared of how much money my funeral is going to cost my family im scared for the person that has to clean up this mess im scared that nobody will want to buy this house after im gone because someone died in it im scared that ill never see my family grow old im scared of the unknown that awaits my energy after it leaves this empty husk im so afraid but i pull the barrel away from my temple slowly and breath a huge *sigh* of relief and this goes on. I place a poorly made noose around my neck i tie it to my doorway pullup bar i think i hope they find this before it starts to decompose im so sorry i left this mess for you all i think this is such a selfish act but im tired now tired of all the ugliness tired of being a lonely sparrow in the rain, tired of me, i hope this will be quick i slowly descend in the standing position till it gets tight the blood flows circulation slows down reaching my brain i see tiny little flashy stars now my face is turning red and hot, its hurting a lot i pull up quickly before i feel any sign of faintness and breath a *sigh* of relief i didn't have the balls to do it. Ill always run into forums with people like me and its so relieving to find people that are struggling too because you feel all alone a lot of times with this. This is how i came onto this forum, I read peoples sad stories and it gets me through the day, i guess its that natural instinct of feeding off of someone elses misfortunes. i know its cruel but it works because i live good. i rarely ever get to see people in real life who are actually suffering like what doctors do or policemen/firemen or humanitarian aid workers see. So im trapped in this facking blind bubble and i need a hard dose of reality like running into that poor lady at the grocery who had burn scars from head 2 toe its like a defibrillation shock paddle hit dose of suck it the **** it you idiot. When i feel depressed or am down im aware that im a complete selfish ******* prick because its such an idiotic act. I think of all the people that really do actually have something to be down/depressed about like the blind, people missing limbs, the deaf, people that are actually starving to death.
When i dont have a job my suicidal thoughts kick my ass hard. I feel so worthless it saps all my energy my motivation and then i ****ing dont want to look for a job at all making it worse because job hunting is so ****ing hard especially if your a picky **** like me who doesnt like robotic jobs. Ive been there and i refuse to work another robotic ****ing job but thats where to spoildness comes in again. That ****ing "i deserve better bull**** 1st world psyche" when a 3rd worlder would gladly slice my neck open for the job. So much pressure to be fake and accetable than real and unacceptable. I have exiled myself from society in order to not see others joy in life, see their great accomplishments, because when compared to me. I am only human i lust, i envy, i desire, i want, i need, i am easily corruptable and i am not afraid to admit it that i enjoy lusting, envying, desiring, wanting, and needing it is my god given right and i abuse it regularly why should i suppress my god given rights, why should anyone?. No energy to try, i just dont care anymore. Ive always had this 'i dont care' mentality i think it formed when i was younger because when i tried it didnt matter and then when i did not try it mattered. I got bombarded with these mixeds messages so often that i just gave up sadly and blocked it all out with 'i dont care'. I wish i wasnt bombarded with so much negative energy in life, a little is good it clears your ego and kicks you back into reality but too much kills your soul. Man i feel like such a worthless ****bag. But self defeat i have defeated my self i have lost myself im a quiter i never finish anything. I cant find anyway to recover it feels too far too hard too much i dont know anymore im tired i walk till i can walk no longer empty devoid. THIS IS NOT A CRY FOR HELP, so dont give me your preach about go see this guy and go take this medicine and go read this book or the grass is greener on the other side BS. Im sorry about being so harsh its tough to be positive under these circumstances please understand.
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