Hey Hope Welcome to SPW its pretty rare to see another kiwi here! i hope you will find some help and comfort here knowing your not alone. Read your story and i don't know what to say but i know that your not worthless by any means, nor are you "disgustingly ugly" either. "eventually things will get better, if you let them." is something i feel like saying but in a certain light it may sound a bit callous to say. Just remember its not your fault that person has issues, not you.