making friends is confusing

LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
I was on my way to work and saw "a friend" I haven't seen in 3 months. She ran up to me and said "I miss you and was thinking about you. We should hangout soon!" I was just going to ignore her but since she came to me I figured she wanted to be friends again. We never got in a fight but she just never answers her phone or facebook! I went home and a week later wrote to her saying lets grab a café this week! She saw it and no reply again. I'm about to delete her on facebook because this is the 3rd time. It's so hard to find a real friend... ugh :( was trying to be friendly... idk...
 
Pacific_Loner

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
I just want to say that I don't think you should take this kind of behavior personnally. People say "I miss you, let's hang out sometime!" a lot. It's not that they are lying to your face, though the expression "I miss you" is, I think, overused, I think they mean it at the very moment they see you. Then they go back to their busy life, probably filled with a lot of other friends. Then they recieive your text msg and they think "oh right I said that! Shit I'm so busy these days what should I say... I'll reply later". Days pass. Then Weeks. Then they forget. 3 months later they remember your text but now they are way too embarrassed to reply because it's been so long.

This is my theory anyway, from what I have observed (...and done)

These people are not evil or mean, they're just not really good friends OR they don't have enough time to maintain more friendship than they already have. So yes, of course if I was you I would forget about her, but don't give yourself the trouble to erase her from facebook and stuff. Don't take it so seriously. If you cross her path again, just remind her with some humour that she never replies so you stopped trying.
 
B

bsammy

Well-known member
Pacific_Loner said:
I just want to say that I don't think you should take this kind of behavior personnally. People say "I miss you, let's hang out sometime!" a lot. It's not that they are lying to your face, though the expression "I miss you" is, I think, overused, I think they mean it at the very moment they see you. Then they go back to their busy life, probably filled with a lot of other friends. Then they recieive your text msg and they think "oh right I said that! Shit I'm so busy these days what should I say... I'll reply later". Days pass. Then Weeks. Then they forget. 3 months later they remember your text but now they are way too embarrassed to reply because it's been so long.

This is my theory anyway, from what I have observed (...and done)

These people are not evil or mean, they're just not really good friends OR they don't have enough time to maintain more friendship than they already have. So yes, of course if I was you I would forget about her, but don't give yourself the trouble to erase her from facebook and stuff. Don't take it so seriously. If you cross her path again, just remind her with some humour that she never replies so you stopped trying.
Click to expand...

this is a great post and i back it up 100%..i have ran into old friends and we have both made statements about "hey man, lets get together!" but then the reality sets in, or you just dont feel like it or are too busy and time goes by and the idea of seeing them doesnt sound as much fun as when you talking to them so.. try not to take it personally but i have blown off friends in this manner and have been blown off..u just have to accept that people or most people have busy lives and a steady network of friends and whatnot already..

last thing u want to do is pester this person more about hanging out, that looks bad..just try to take it in stride and move on and hopefully meet another person down the road..

hell, i dont have a busy schedule and it is very rare that i actually want to hang out or be with my friends so...take that for what its worth..its not that i dont like them its just that others things come into play..
 
S

SCP-087-1

Well-known member
False promises(I know it wasn't a promise. I don't mean it literally) make people happy. If I say I'm going to do something nice it will make you happy, you will smile, and the conversation here and now will be pleasant. Later I can skip on the follow through and I wont be there to see you being sad about it. One of my friends does it all the time and it pisses me off to no end
 
T

Tuukka40

Well-known member
Yeah, don't take it personally.

Although, something I do find pretty interesting is when I see people from my past, who I barely had any relationship with (from school, sports, etc) they come up to me and want to talk.
Even further than that, when I see people who I see on a regular basis (ie. work), we typically don't talk. However, when I see them somewhere I'm not expecting to see them (ie. Wal-Mart), they talk like we're best friends! Lol, I don't get it...
 
N

nicole1

Well-known member
False promises are a waste of time. She's wasting your time. Maybe it's best to delete her. If I have to guess with people, then it's best not to be involved. I like consistency and certainty and people who play these sorts of games and can't be straightforward are not needed or wanted in my life.
 
LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
Pacific_Loner said:
I just want to say that I don't think you should take this kind of behavior personnally. People say "I miss you, let's hang out sometime!" a lot. It's not that they are lying to your face, though the expression "I miss you" is, I think, overused, I think they mean it at the very moment they see you. Then they go back to their busy life, probably filled with a lot of other friends. Then they recieive your text msg and they think "oh right I said that! Shit I'm so busy these days what should I say... I'll reply later". Days pass. Then Weeks. Then they forget. 3 months later they remember your text but now they are way too embarrassed to reply because it's been so long.

This is my theory anyway, from what I have observed (...and done)

These people are not evil or mean, they're just not really good friends OR they don't have enough time to maintain more friendship than they already have. So yes, of course if I was you I would forget about her, but don't give yourself the trouble to erase her from facebook and stuff. Don't take it so seriously. If you cross her path again, just remind her with some humour that she never replies so you stopped trying.
Click to expand...

you're smart :p
 
LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
Nazim said:
- Deleting from Facebook shows that you care. You should strive towards being out-come free and self-worthy
- People say things like "I miss you n bla bla" all the time. That's just social etiquette people have developed
- If you are going to take everything personally then you are going to have bad time.
- A friend of mine whom I was talking with for 3 years has deleted me last week, for no apparent reason. I was kind of offended at first but then I realized that life goes on. Whatever, I have other people around me and even if not that, I have myself.
Click to expand...

I didn't delete her on facebook... just almost did. the only people I deleted were past exes and anyone else I know id never talk to
 
LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
Tuukka40 said:
Yeah, don't take it personally.

Although, something I do find pretty interesting is when I see people from my past, who I barely had any relationship with (from school, sports, etc) they come up to me and want to talk.
Even further than that, when I see people who I see on a regular basis (ie. work), we typically don't talk. However, when I see them somewhere I'm not expecting to see them (ie. Wal-Mart), they talk like we're best friends! Lol, I don't get it...
Click to expand...

haha that's pretty funny... I guess because since it's work it's a more stressful environment and when they're out there's more freedom
 
LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
nicole1 said:
False promises are a waste of time. She's wasting your time. Maybe it's best to delete her. If I have to guess with people, then it's best not to be involved. I like consistency and certainty and people who play these sorts of games and can't be straightforward are not needed or wanted in my life.
Click to expand...

true she's not a true friend... I'm still looking for real friends but it's hard getting through the small talk and everything lol
 
Luckylife

Luckylife

Well-known member
'LHC' I think you are right to be disheartened about this. If ever I am to meet someone there is a certain build-up to it. Stuff has to be done, things have to be thought about. If it is dropped it takes some time to feel normal again,
I had this happen to me a few weeks ago. This woman said she would call for us to spend the day watching a film or 2 and play some console games. On the very morning, despite a number of messages arranging the day, she cancels citing a family priority. So I sent her a simple text... "Have a nice day".
When you see this person again you should make a point of telling her a deals a deal.
 
N

nicole1

Well-known member
LazyHermitCrab said:
true she's not a true friend... I'm still looking for real friends but it's hard getting through the small talk and everything lol
Click to expand...

I'm the same, then again, I enjoy not having any. People are confusing and inconsistent. I have SOME friends but not many. Have you considered like meetup.com? They have like interest group meet ups and I know here, we have one for people with SA. Although, I'm not sure many of them have SA b/c of their choice of venues for group meet ups.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top