Lose weight or accept myself

Hey all,
So for 9 years I've suffered from SP, and so here I am on this forum. Anyways that whole 9 years I've been someone overweight, but some people say I look fine. But I have had people say I do look a bit chubby. If I was to lose 30 lbs I think I would no longer feel like I have a low self worth of myself. No matter what most people say, this is how I feel about my appearance right now.

Maybe it's a BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) thing?, anyways, in that 9 years the problem hasn't gone away. Should I just lose the weight and be done with it (which takes a crapload of dedication) or should I just accept and focus on other important things?. Has anyone else had the same issue and lost weight to fix it?. TIA for any feedback or tips!.

Hi voodoochild16..
I can relate to this post, I always feel like I should loose weight, and deal with BDD. No one has ever pointed out that im overweight or that I should loose weight. I am the youngest of five women, and all four older sisters are beautiful and fit. They're petite and small, and im the tallest at a lil over 5'9. I think that at a sub conscious level.. because I admire them and love them so much... I always wanted to look like them.

However, now as an adult... I have started running and striving for a more healthy me. I do this, not because I want to attain a certain size, but because I want to be able to control this part of my life. I want to feel healthy for me. I know ill never be a size four, but im ok with that.

Being comfortable with my weight and accepting myself, beats out miserable dieting. I compromise... I love chocolate, to a ridiculous fault. So... since I wont give it up, I know I have to run a couple extra laps. And that is totally worth it.

Of course, every person has insecurities. Today its my weight, tomorrow its my face... I don't think you can ever fully accept yourself. There will always be areas that you want to change. So maybe in finding a compromise that works for you...

If your weight bothers you to the point of hindering your ability to go out and be comfortable... then maybe you can try something to guide you to a more confident self image. But if your decision is based on what others think... but you feel ok with your current weight, then maybe its not carbs and fat you should be cutting out, its those negative influences that you should part with.

Like I said, for me its a constant struggle, because we all strive for what we perceive to be the epitome of beauty and fitness... and there will always be areas about yourself that you don't like. But make sure its YOUR decison to change that, and not someone elses opinion of you.

Hi!

I don't think I have an answer for you. But I felt compelled to post because this is exactly what I'm going through.

What holds me back from living life is being 20 pounds overweight. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, is that considered BDD or is that realistic? I don't know and maybe I never will. Is it better to only seek the people that accept you for being who you are or try to mold yourself into the standards that will have more people accept you? I have no answer to that either, because as much as I'd like to believe that I don't need anybody who doesn't accept me at a weight that's not "perfect", I don't have all that kind of hope in humanity enough to just accept it and get out there. I'll look at it from my true perspective and not the one that is pressured by society: Accept yourself and other people will see the beauty in you for it. That is what I know is true in my heart, at least. Personally, I find a person attractive when they are a little bit "chubby" because it shows that they are human.

At the same time... Like I said, I struggle with the exact same issue, and despite knowing the answer is to accept yourself, I can't seem to do it myself.

I am highly overweight, and currently trying to lose weight.

However my advice is to think of it as not losing weight but getting healthy, making lifestyle changes for the better of your health. As long as you're healthy and happy that is what matters.

I am too trying to lose some weight (maybe 10 kg) , to feel fitter and hopefully being less of a doughy bum. I do this by running, and eating healthier (normal portions, less sugar and fat and just veggies and fruits and healthy carbs). I too am not really fat, but have accumulated quite some belly fat that's been there over the years. It's been really hard to stick to any kind of diet, with my impulsive eating behavior, and also the fact that I do night shifts which causes fatigue.

It's important to also 100% accept who we are at this moment though. You shouldn't view life as "I can only feel happy when I reach such and such weight". I find that a lot of people do that when trying to lose weight. Some who even reached a perfectly healthy weight also still mentally feel fat so they keep on feeling unhappy. Perfectionism.

LoyalXenite said:

However my advice is to think of it as not losing weight but getting healthy, making lifestyle changes for the better of your health. As long as you're healthy and happy that is what matters.

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I'm in a quest myself to lose weight, no matter what anyone says 260 pounds is too much.

But yes, it should be a lifestyle. If you sleep right, eat right and exercise right you will be ok.

It is a journey and not a battle.

Hoppy said:

I'm in a quest myself to lose weight, no matter what anyone says 260 pounds is too much.

But yes, it should be a lifestyle. If you sleep right, eat right and exercise right you will be ok.

It is a journey and not a battle.

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I am a similar weight myself and trying to lose 50kgs (110ish pounds)

I guess my problem is the opposite, I'm underweight and trying to gain weight.
Anyway, I think that you should learn to accept yourself the way you are, but you shouldn't use that as an excuse to stop yourself from improving. If you want to lose weight, go for it, but don't hate yourself if you don't reach the goal.

I used to feel bad for looking so skinny, but now I don't care much about it. I started going to the gym to get stronger, I'm still skinny but at least I have some muscle now. I gained a few kg for eating breakfast in the morning (something I couldn't do before) and I'm slowly approaching my goal. I don't dislike the way I look so I don't push myself too hard to get to my goal.

Used to weigh 48kg, 51 right now, my goal is around 55/56 kg. If I keep changing one habit at a time, slowly, not forcing anything, I will eventually reach my goal. I think it's important to accept yourself because like someone said, it's a journey and not a battle. If you can't accept yourself it'll feel like a battle, and I think that when you win the battle, you'll feel like it's over and then you'll probably fall into your old habits again.

I can't answer your question without knowing your height and weight. If you are slightly overweight: who cares. If you are really overweight: do something about it, because you will be healthier if you lose some weight.

Im in a never ending cycle, am depressed cause I weigh too much, SP stops me from exercising incase people see me, weight stays, depression heightens.

Slytherin88 said:

Im in a never ending cycle, am depressed cause I weigh too much, SP stops me from exercising incase people see me, weight stays, depression heightens.

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When it comes to losing weight, you can find a lot of information on the web. You could start by working out at home (with or without machines), and later start dieting (or the other way around, probably makes more sense) and when you've lost enough weight to be comfortable with going outside you can start exercising outdoors. Still, I think it's important to take it easy and not rush things. One step at a time, don't try changing everything overnight.

Ithior said:

When it comes to losing weight, you can find a lot of information on the web. You could start by working out at home (with or without machines), and later start dieting (or the other way around, probably makes more sense) and when you've lost enough weight to be comfortable with going outside you can start exercising outdoors. Still, I think it's important to take it easy and not rush things. One step at a time, don't try changing everything overnight.

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I am really trying to control my diet, especially since I arrived in the UK, I didn't want to have the Heathrow injection, so in my mind that makes up for the lack of rigorous exercise. I do walk to work, I don't have a desk job so I am constantly moving and take stairs where possible, I just can't fathom a gym (have tried twice) and classes freak me out. I have hypothyroidism too, which makes it hella easy to gain weight but hard to lose it. I never have noticeable weight losses so I just give up and it starts all over again. Don't try changing overnight yes, but when nothings worked in 10 years you do get disheartened.

Losing weight is a good option. I know it made me feel better and gave me a self esteem boost, one more thing to be proud of. I recommend exercising at home or at a gym, especially when temperatures outside reach the 100's. I follow along fitness videos from youtube. I used to run 3 times a week but it didn't really help much in terms of weight loss. I recommend doing strength training, and vary your exercise routine so it doesn't get boring. Plus eating less is important because if you only exercise but eat a lot, you won't lose weight because you're eating the same amount.

Hello there

Believe me when I say do it for youself your health I have always been large at my largest I was 328 pounds when I started needing breaks when walking up the stairs in my house then I knew I needed something to chance so I did I have now lost 56+ pounds and counting

I prepare my weeks food

I eat meat fish veg fruit seeds nuts

Workouts I do high intensity interval training on my exercise bike .. warm up 30 secs fast riding 30 secs slow riding and you do that for 20+ arounds and I do that 3 times aday working great for me

Slytherin88 said:

I am really trying to control my diet, especially since I arrived in the UK, I didn't want to have the Heathrow injection, so in my mind that makes up for the lack of rigorous exercise. I do walk to work, I don't have a desk job so I am constantly moving and take stairs where possible, I just can't fathom a gym (have tried twice) and classes freak me out. I have hypothyroidism too, which makes it hella easy to gain weight but hard to lose it. I never have noticeable weight losses so I just give up and it starts all over again. Don't try changing overnight yes, but when nothings worked in 10 years you do get disheartened.

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Start keeping a log of what you eat and counting calories and compare that to your maintenance calories. I can guarantee that it will work.

Slytherin88 said:

I am really trying to control my diet, especially since I arrived in the UK, I didn't want to have the Heathrow injection, so in my mind that makes up for the lack of rigorous exercise. I do walk to work, I don't have a desk job so I am constantly moving and take stairs where possible, I just can't fathom a gym (have tried twice) and classes freak me out. I have hypothyroidism too, which makes it hella easy to gain weight but hard to lose it. I never have noticeable weight losses so I just give up and it starts all over again. Don't try changing overnight yes, but when nothings worked in 10 years you do get disheartened.

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I think simply walking around and taking the stairs isn't enough, you should try to find home exercises that are more demanding but will also show you better results over time. I stopped looking into exercises to do when I joined the gym though so I can't help much, you should try asking someone else or searching it yourself. In my opinion you should do something that other people recommend (dedicated forums are a good place to look), and don't follow something just because it's popular (being popular doesn't mean it's good).

Alright!, I didn't expect this many responses, thank you guys!. I think that "coping" is kind of what I have been doing for awhile, and have been able to keep a job for awhile (usually I am good at keeping jobs anyways), but I basically pushed myself too hard socially and then couldn't handle it anymore, so I was moved to a department that is easier on me, so now things are not AS bad.

Anyways, I have a history of losing weight and I have felt the benefits of doing it, first hand. I remember thinking to myself after losing 30+ lbs that it was worth every single millisecond spent, just working out, and eating less crap and eating more healthy food. But it came back, because food was an addiction for me.

Anyways, I'll just say briefly that I was 215 lbs when I was housebound, and then I started working and I went down to 170. Now I am 180, so things are picking up and it's not good, I am in a workplace where there is always food.

So to avoid the yo-yo diet that I have done in the past, I want to lose weight by working out, even if it's ten times more work. I've noticed how hard it is to gain weight after 2 weeks of working out daily.

I know it's not fully aware of most people out there in the real world but, for us to judge ourselves constantly like this over our appearance, is not what other people think, it's what we think of ourselves. But that thinking is reinforced because of BDD (I am pretty sure of, but I can't use a reference to confirm this). For me it's been 9 years I've been going through SA, and that whole time I've been felt bad over my obesity.

I think it's bad enough that the only solution is to lose the weight and to find a medium that is maintainable in my daily routine to help keep off the weight.

It's not a good feeling when you are forced to go to work while going through a debilitating anxious feeling all because you are obsessive over the way you look. Honestly, yes I would feel better if I lost 30 lbs. I wouldn't care if i had a scar on my face, or had ears that stuck out, I just want to stop the comment I get all the time with people saying "you have chubby cheeks" and shit like that.

I think I've got to look at the past and how long it's been, and just focus on changing that forever...

And I've already been assessed by a eating disorder clinic and there were no results showing that I have a eating disorder, which is bullshit.

both.

Would be the most helpful.

This is the problem with a lot of people you have suffered for a long time i understand your situation buddy.
Walk can help you make a habit of walking at least 1 hour per day that can help you.

Hi! I hear you. It must be really difficult. My 2 cents here is this, the only reason why you would care about losing weight is YOURSELF. You have to do it not for anything or anyone else. You must do it, try your best to be healthy for YOURSELF. That is what matters.