Long-Distance Relationship Depression

DACynder

Member
Before I go to the point, I'm not really sure if this is the spot to put it, if it isn't, please let me know where to move it.




Me and my gf have known each other for more than 2 years now. She's seen what I look like and heard what I sounded like by talking to a relative of hers. But, she's never physically touched me, and neither have I. But I've never seen or heard her before..... The truth is that we both truely love each other to death and will never give each other up. Usually when we talk it's always happiness and warmth that we both feel, but now it's become starting with happiness and then slowly turning to sadness and depression throughout the day we talk.

A friend of mine theorizes that the reason this is happening is because of the long-distance relationship that we have and the strong urge we have to want to see each other, but we are unable to as we can't from reasons I don't want to say. This is the reason why we become miserable (IE which also means we do love each other very much). I don't know what to do, everyday I suffer the torture of wondering everyday who she is, what she looks like, how she sounds. I'm haunted by her. Every night I dream about her and can't stop thinking about her as if I'm addicted to cocaine..... I'm so confused and depressed, I really need help because, I don't konw what to do..... I don't want to leave her......
 

DACynder

Member
Is she not willing to send you her pic and talk to you on the phone or whatever?

She says she's too shy.... But after these many years, I was sure she'd be fine to do it..... But, she still says it...... We long to be together......
 

Emily_G

Well-known member
She says she's too shy.... But after these many years, I was sure she'd be fine to do it..... But, she still says it...... We long to be together......

After two years, I find that a bit fishy.

I guess I can see it if she is really insecure about the way she looks.
 

DACynder

Member
There's no easy way around this.

You need to meet.

Maybe swap photos and do all you can to "break the ice", but you need to meet up.

You've said that you cant meet up, for whatever reason.

Well if its a reason that relates to your religion, or family, then can you not meet up in secret?

It's mainly we don't live in the same place...
 

Silvox Black

Well-known member
Stay strong my friend. Maintain whatever level of intimacy you and your lover believe to be suitable. I understand your frustrations, I too must bear it. If anything, is there a way you could perhaps see a photo of her? Any sort of object or voice to remember her by?
 

Kat

Well-known member
I am not sure of the circumstance but It sounds somewhat suspects even for someone with sp. Unless, you’re ok with just having someone to talk to, unfortunately the relationship won’t be able to progress very far if she won’t show herself.

I think you have been patient enough. I was very reluctant to show myself on webcam and talk on the phone at first as well but eventually I eased myself into it. Maybe, you could set her a challenge to show a pic or show herself for 20 sec on the cam and take it from there. :)
 

reslo

Well-known member
i think that you should maybe open yourself up to the idea that she may not look like you? she could be body dismorphic, or (i'm not trying to sound like i'm joking) but she could be like 500 pounds or something, or maybe have some facial scarring... or the worse scenario she isn't who she says she is. sounds like you really do love her, and i'd hope even if she wasn't what you expected, you'd still want to be with her? i could understand a little bit if she thinks of you as really hansome or the type of guy who would never want a girl like her.

you may be able to get some more information from the relative?

i think it's only natural to feel sad. i admire your patience. that's a long time to be with someone and not take it to the next level, but i think in a way, it gives your relationship a sense of purity, like there's no shallowness there...

the only advice i can think of is to let her know that you accept her- faults and all. like you don't care if she has hair growing out of her nose, 2 teeth, and a giant cyclops eye. sounds like you guys may need to take a break... do you guys ever talk about things like marriage? or have you asked her where she wants the relationship to go?
 

SpLynx

Well-known member
For me it sounds too weird, something is wrong here. 2 years and still havent seen her??? Something is really wrong here!
 

Nack

Banned
How do you dream of a woman you have never seen, met or heard? The mind can play horrible tricks on you , you know...
 

206Raider

Well-known member
2 years and you haven't seen a picture? How? Nevermind, you just got to man up and tell her that you accept her in any way with all her faults and she isn't open to it than she may never be and it all sounds fishy but if you've talked for 2 years and your both in love than there is no reason to have never heard her or seen her. It's not easy to hear but then you should think about moving on. You can't wait forever, your just keeping yourself grounded by this.
 

DACynder

Member
i think that you should maybe open yourself up to the idea that she may not look like you? she could be body dismorphic, or (i'm not trying to sound like i'm joking) but she could be like 500 pounds or something, or maybe have some facial scarring... or the worse scenario she isn't who she says she is. sounds like you really do love her, and i'd hope even if she wasn't what you expected, you'd still want to be with her? i could understand a little bit if she thinks of you as really hansome or the type of guy who would never want a girl like her.

you may be able to get some more information from the relative?

i think it's only natural to feel sad. i admire your patience. that's a long time to be with someone and not take it to the next level, but i think in a way, it gives your relationship a sense of purity, like there's no shallowness there...

the only advice i can think of is to let her know that you accept her- faults and all. like you don't care if she has hair growing out of her nose, 2 teeth, and a giant cyclops eye. sounds like you guys may need to take a break... do you guys ever talk about things like marriage? or have you asked her where she wants the relationship to go?

We have planned on future marriage
 

mrb

Well-known member
just meet up with her and both make an agreement , that none of you say weather you want too see eachother again ... then when you go home you can chat on the comp then make that choice ... im living in england and had to fly to ireland to see my gf who i met online , that what we did ......... good luck but really after 2 years time to make that move .......
 

Mokkat

Well-known member
I think you should both start taking this relationship more seriously, and convince each other to meet up. You're driving yourself crazy over this.

If neither of you can muster the commitment to meet, end it.

edit: I mean, you'll be much better off talking as friends if you cant be with her, not being able to embrace and talk to, or even see the love of my life would really torment me every night when trying to sleep
 
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Silvox Black

Well-known member
You do not need to leave her my friend. I am aware of how circumstances can limit such possibilities as meeting your lover. The only thing I can urge both of your to do is to stay strong. Find a way to break free of your chains of imprisonment. Although after two years, I would wonder if there was a way you two could perhaps see a picture of one another. Do your circumstances prevent that as well?
 
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