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Old 06-01-2018
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aloneloner aloneloner is offline
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how do you survive?
I'm currently making $11 per hour.. full time, and I cant afford an apartment.
Trying to find some room for rent type thing is also hard. most are only looking for females, or nanny's,.. or "sane" persons..
I'm stuck here for now.. abusive step mom and step sister... how can "family" be so awful?

masochist?... I believe I'm being abused by my family, but I've had problems with other people as well... maybe I'm subconsciously begging for abuse....anyone relate to that?
I have a general "idgaf" attitude, not rude, just not overreacting to stupid stuff like most people do... I think that scares people, so I try to overcompensate by being too nice... niceness from others is all I want, so I treat them with niceness.. but niceness just opens the door for assault
(to further explain what I mean: If someone calls you a name, most people either get upset or namecall back.. thats stupid to me, I literally just ignore it.. it means nothing to me... co worker slacking and making you do more work, you complain to the boss or confront them, idgaf I'll do the extra work no problem, I'm at work to work, not to complain about other workers(as long as it doesnt effect my performance, which it usually doesn't) this has kinda backfired before, someone accuses me of doing something, I didn't but dont care about proving them wrong, so others believe them because I dont defend myself)...I dont understand humans

I have no will to live, planning on killing myself with an exitbag.. no access to guns, fear of heights, fear of "pain" in general... supposedly exit bags are painless. I just need money for a gas canister and other supplies and its over.... but I dont make enough money to save it or even for survival... I'll probably die of starvation first

where do i go from here? what is "help"? what is the first step? do i commit myself to an insane asylum? leave abusive family and live on the streets? stay in the abuse to prolong this miserable life? I've reached out to people before, but in the end its all the same, I just want it to be over
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Old 06-01-2018
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I haven't got any sure-fire answers, but earlier this year i was suicidal & made an attempt. Anyway, i survived, and i've made it through life till now. I haven't got any reason to live really, so i just live each day one at a time, trying as best as i can to keep busy & not be bored/depressed/etc. So i'm content enough doing that i guess. No plans for future. Just living for the moment & momentary pleasures (eg food).
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Old 06-01-2018
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I'm sorry for what you're going through aloneloner, i know your life is hard even though you have a job, i don't but I'm working my way up, things got a little better in one way and a lot better in another way for me but i still got something i really need to deal w/. like theslowesthand said, it's better to do things you enjoy. i've been trying my own made-up 'A life well lived...' protocol. please don't commit suicide.. you never know what your life will turn out to be. Take care. i care about you
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