Less anxiety around strangers than people I know

I can't understand why I'm ok with seeing and talking to strangers. Yet, with people I know I get really anxious and will do anything to try and avoid them as much as possible. Is anyone else in here the same?

If I had to see those strangers again, my anxiety would start to build up and would become a problem. I've spent years trying to fight this but it hasn't worked and I feel as though I've given up. This is similar to what I experienced in the jobs I had and it would always lead me to leaving the places I worked in after a while. I would be ok on the first day and then gradually get quieter with people as time went by. I kept changing jobs but the same thing happened everywhere I went, unless I worked on my own. Now, I've been unemployed for several years and would really like to earn a living working from home in order to take the financial pressure off me and also start building some self esteem.

Can someone please offer some advice?

i'm sortof the same way. i don't get as anxious around folks i don't know and sometimes i have short conversations with them. if i see someone i know in public, i'll try super hard to avoid them and i get quite anxious. i've been this way for several years and don't know why. i'll avoid the person/people even if i really want to talk to them, which makes no sense. i don't have any advice, unfortunately, but wanted to share that we've got similar stuff going on.

I'm like this. Not all the time but most people I know, like my mother, father, brother, (I speak comfortably with my sister) I don't really talk much and don't feel as comfortable as a stranger. Mainly because I hate when people know that I am shy and they expect me not to say anything or speak up so I'm already in the mood to NOT try to.

But when there is a stranger and I'm working on improving my anxiety, I can do well with speaking loud enough and maybe even smiling.

Well described

Family are not the people I ever expect to meet again, even if any of us land in hospital. 30 years since I lived in the same county.

Strangers are 99% of any way I'll avoid automatically, unless we have any serious reason to coincide... including any death-linked... someone torn apart in a road, drowning in a river - plenty of water nearby here - or... anyone in a fire I can rescue. That's my take on life, really. Any mumblers, brainless, airheads...

Regular greetings happen in gym, haircutters, pharmacy, supermarket, job advisor, counsellor... too much of a demand on me to cope with. Not one word of common ground

A regular case at the gym to bump into Andy. We met because he was on my course in 1998 as a mature student. He does his yoga on the mats. I do anything to take a break for a chat. I can't hear a word of what he says. I try to pretend by repeatedly nodding. I smile. I mirror his movements. I think he can't hear me as he departs. He makes a gesture of wibbling his fingers in his ears, and goes. This is the same scenario for my old Dad and any interview or phone call.

Everyone wants to cut it short and walks away. I'm trying to work on this. I'd listen to anyone, for days. In general, what any person says, I can't glue together any word to form a sentence. It feels like practicing listening to French at school. I can pick out occasional words, but with no adjective, adverb or preposition, there is no meaning:

to... get for on if with two when show than over swim bell hand light oh you? or beneath side ground sky ha ha dear do blue top thing :idontknow:

This is what I hear from voice. I can read and write

OMG yes! I was thinking about this the other day, I have initial confidence with people, but I'm not good at sustaining the relationship. As you say in jobs it starts off well, but then I'll run out of steam and the initial bridge I've begun to build starts to crumble or perhaps just doesn;t get finished and I'll start getting paranoid that people have noticed and feel uncomfortable around me, which ends in me feeling like I have to move on.
I couldn't relate to this more shyguest!
Strangers are not a problem, in fact i'm very good with strangers, and I'm really good with new people who start at work, i tend to do well in jobs where it involves initial advice and guidance, because I'll see them once and be able to give them that initial energy which I seem to have for strangers, but I struggle the more times I see someone.
I guess it's about the judgment factor and how much you or your ego 'imagines' you have to lose, if you're not going to see someone again you don't care so much about what they think of you, also you are usually more confident around close family because you know the love is unconditional.
It's always more nerve racking to be interviewed for an internal job, when you know the panel, than when you don't.

I care more about what people whom are closer to me think about me... which is scary.
i don't like feeling fear. its very uncomfortable.
so i avoid feeling fear by avoiding those people closer to me.

now that i have identified that root cause, i just need to try and recondition my brain to not have these silly emotional surges of anxiety which have been too negatively influential on my behavior.
easier said than done when i have reinforced/trained those neuron patterns in my head over way too many years, but completely possible.

I can relate exactly. It's weird sometimes but yeah the bridges crumble and you freak out that they think you're weird and anxiety takes over. I have trouble making myself make an effort to break the cycle. Before when I've tried I found that pretending the 'intimidating' people aren't there can actually work.

Froggy246 said:

OMG yes! I was thinking about this the other day, I have initial confidence with people, but I'm not good at sustaining the relationship. As you say in jobs it starts off well, but then I'll run out of steam and the initial bridge I've begun to build starts to crumble or perhaps just doesn;t get finished and I'll start getting paranoid that people have noticed and feel uncomfortable around me, which ends in me feeling like I have to move on.
I couldn't relate to this more shyguest!
Strangers are not a problem, in fact i'm very good with strangers, and I'm really good with new people who start at work, i tend to do well in jobs where it involves initial advice and guidance, because I'll see them once and be able to give them that initial energy which I seem to have for strangers, but I struggle the more times I see someone.
I guess it's about the judgment factor and how much you or your ego 'imagines' you have to lose, if you're not going to see someone again you don't care so much about what they think of you, also you are usually more confident around close family because you know the love is unconditional.
It's always more nerve racking to be interviewed for an internal job, when you know the panel, than when you don't.

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This is the story of my life. It is the potential for the situation to make me feel uncomfortable that causes anxiety that has shaped my behaviour over the years. I am afraid that anyone who gets close to me will notice the times when I am mildly depressed and lack confidence.

I would love to work from home too. When I graduate, I hope I could make a living freelancing, finding paid projects online.

I don't always feel less anxiety around strangers than people I know. Here's a list of my anxiety level from least to greatest:

1. Parents (least anxiety)
2. Friends
3. Some relatives
4. Strangers
5. People (strangers, classmates, and relatives alike) who dislike me (greatest anxiety)

I feel the safest with my parents whom I know for practically my whole life. I can relate with the whole fear of getting close to people. I have trouble turning strangers into friends. When I was a freshman living in the dorm, I went to some events and movie screenings with dormmates. Sometimes I say hi, thanks, bye, etc. But we never got closer than this. Same thing when I was in high school. I talked to my classmates sometimes but that's it. We never became friends or hung out outside of school, with a few exceptions.

jaim38 said:

I have trouble turning strangers into friends. When I was a freshman living in the dorm, I went to some events and movie screenings with dormmates. Sometimes I say hi, thanks, bye, etc. But we never got closer than this. Same thing when I was in high school. I talked to my classmates sometimes but that's it. We never became friends or hung out outside of school, with a few exceptions.

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Yes I always keep interactions brief, and I suppose safe. I avoid spending longer periods of time with work people (or potential friends outside work) because I'm scared of running into silences or speaking blocks, boring them and losing any good impressions I made initially. People eventually catch on to this I think, I believe I was tricked into going for a drink with a couple of work colleagues the other day because they said it was a team strategic meeting, but then took me to a bar.

I am very much like this. My therapist says that I'm this way perhaps because it feels safe - I'm afraid of being emotionally hurt and abandoned by others due to my mother neglecting me as a child. Because she was unpredictably present, non-present, and a source of both love and fear, it's easier for me to feel comfortable and communicate with strangers, esp the first time I meet them.

I has the same problem. I could care less when i'm in the room full of strangers. But my anxiety get the best of me when someone i know is there. I can talk to strangers, but making them my friends seem impossible to me. I can think of 2 explanations:

1. I don't feel anxious around strangers because i only meet them once, and they will soon walk away, no influence to my life. So i don't care about what they think of me.

2. Because strangers do not know who i am, so i can be whoever i want. My friends all know that i'm shy and never talk. So when i say something, they'll start judging. And i don't like that a single bit. On the other hand, strangers don't expect me to be shy. So i must not show my shyness to them. And as i say before, i can be whoever i want to be in front of them.

Do you think these two apply to you?

Steelsoul said:

I has the same problem. I could care less when i'm in the room full of strangers. But my anxiety get the best of me when someone i know is there. I can talk to strangers, but making them my friends seem impossible to me. I can think of 2 explanations:

1. I don't feel anxious around strangers because i only meet them once, and they will soon walk away, no influence to my life. So i don't care about what they think of me.

2. Because strangers do not know who i am, so i can be whoever i want. My friends all know that i'm shy and never talk. So when i say something, they'll start judging. And i don't like that a single bit. On the other hand, strangers don't expect me to be shy. So i must not show my shyness to them. And as i say before, i can be whoever i want to be in front of them.

Do you think these two apply to you?

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Both common in the fact that there is no pressure with strangers. You really can be whoever you want even if for a short while.
I have some reservations about my workplace, been there two months and changing my thinking to one of ignorance regarding there presence as intimidating. Smile, say hello (as I can to strangers) and then pretend that they're not there if I'm feeling scared. CBT I guess.

Steelsoul said:

I has the same problem. I could care less when i'm in the room full of strangers. But my anxiety get the best of me when someone i know is there. I can talk to strangers, but making them my friends seem impossible to me. I can think of 2 explanations:

1. I don't feel anxious around strangers because i only meet them once, and they will soon walk away, no influence to my life. So i don't care about what they think of me.

2. Because strangers do not know who i am, so i can be whoever i want. My friends all know that i'm shy and never talk. So when i say something, they'll start judging. And i don't like that a single bit. On the other hand, strangers don't expect me to be shy. So i must not show my shyness to them. And as i say before, i can be whoever i want to be in front of them.

Do you think these two apply to you?

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Yup... it's exactly the same for me.

Froggy246 said:

Yes I always keep interactions brief, and I suppose safe. I avoid spending longer periods of time with work people (or potential friends outside work) because I'm scared of running into silences or speaking blocks, boring them and losing any good impressions I made initially. People eventually catch on to this I think, I believe I was tricked into going for a drink with a couple of work colleagues the other day because they said it was a team strategic meeting, but then took me to a bar.

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Yeah, with strangers I also tend to keep interactions brief and safe, the reason being I don't want strangers to know me. I'm a huge nerd, my hobbies include reading manga and watching youtube vids, I'm introverted, my fashion sense sucks, my family is messed up, I don't go to parties on FRidays or weekends, etc. I don't want people to find out what's going on in my life because it'll be embarassing. When people get closer to me, they will naturally ask these questions about me and I will either be forced to lie or come up with half truths.

I'm glad someone else is able to relate to what I wrote. I think at lot of people who are shy appear to be less at ease with strangers but are still able to build friendships. I think of social phobia as being different. With strangers, I know I will have enough to talk about because I can ask questions about them, which I don't mind doing. I struggle with general day to day chat as it can be boring. As soon as the initial stage of acquaintance is made, I start feeling a dread about seeing them again, especially if I know they are good at making friends with others. I think they will go back and talk about me.

I really have put a lot of effort into trying to make friends, it hasn't worked that well. I'm reasonably ok with old people and people who are a little eccentric or quite flamboyant since they know all about being different. They also don't appear to be as judgmental or if they are, they are not that interested in trying to fit in. Some of them seem interesting and they are comfortable with who they are.

Its because you're expected to perform/come across well with people you know. The other issue is that if the people you know are smug or gossipy, maybe condescending, then you will feel the pressure to do something around them or that you must say hi if they make eye contact.

if you run into a person you knew or know who is just mild mannered and friendly, it won't be much of an issue. You will feel more relaxed.

if you see a former boss or former bully, maybe a former friend that you had a falling out with then its panic stations.

I don't think I'm interesting enough once the initial acquaintance is made. It's like what do we talk about now? I find it easier to chat to someone the first time I come across them. I suppose the more I get to know someone, the more obvious it is to them that I'm not the person they thought I was originally. If only we didn't care what people thought of us, we'd be ok.

You're probably more okay about being around strangers because for you personally, strangers are less likely to make things that you don't want to happen in social situations, actually happen.

In a social situation, when we can see that a particular person won't do things that will result in an outcome we wish to avoid in that situation, then there is nothing we are resistant towards...in that situation. If there's no internal resistance, then there's no anxiety. A detailed explanation of this here: THE Cause of Social Anxiety Disorder

I'm sure it's all to do with having a low self esteem. I've always thought of myself as not developing socially and emotionally at the same rate as most people my own age. I haven't been to relate to most people's interest in music and that kind of thing. I was never the type of child to rebel and was unhappy throughout most of my teenage years.