Keeping a conversation Alive..

SO lately i've managed to smile at people and greet people, even strangers at the bus stop. also ive been able to have small conversations with some classmates. For example, last time I was at the bus stop with this girl from my school, then she asked me if i knew how long will the bus be. Then she started asking me about myself and other stuff. I was able to give full answers instead of the usual yes, no, idk. then i started asking a few things, simple things. this continued once in the bus. then it looks like she ran out of questions, and so did i. I could tell that she wanted me to say something. It started getting a bit awkward. luckily, we reached her stop, she smiled, waved, and left. ever since, every time i see her, she smiles and waves like if i've known her for a long time. This makes me feel good. i've been able to start a few conversations but after a few words my mind goes blank, then that old familiar feeling comes back. Can anyone give advice on how to continue a conversation? what do i say when i got nothing else, once ive asked all the basic questions. i think once i master this, ill be done with my anxiety, I'll even be able to talk to the girl of my dreams, even though crowds and group presentations still scare the crap out of me.

Reading a lot to be able to talk about things can greatly help.

I do read A LOT. I read the newspaper every morning. I read a novel every week. I also read rolling stone. plus the reading I do for school. doesnt seem to be helping me.

Is she a Yankee fan? You guys could laugh about the Mets.

Is she a Devils fan? If so, maybe you could guide the conversation into asking her if she wants to go to a game.

ces4r87 said:

I do read A LOT. I read the newspaper every morning. I read a novel every week. I also read rolling stone. plus the reading I do for school. doesnt seem to be helping me.

Click to expand...

Does she know you read so much? Maybe one day you could bring your novel to read on the bus and she'll ask you about it.

all conversations of mine last 5 minutes or less. When done talking, walk away.

Instead of asking a bunch of basic questions, maybe go into detail about her/your answers about those questions?
Do you listen to (musicgenre)? Have you heard of (band)?
Do you watch (sport)?
Stuff like that. But I think those too are "simple/basic" questions - .-
Talk about stuff around you guys, too. Point out a car, a person, something in the enviroment?

Just ask random questions, even if they might not have any meaning. Usually something will spark from it. Does for me. Sometimes I get to thinking "How in the world did we reach this topic?" when I'm talking to somebody.

ces4r87 said:

SO lately i've managed to smile at people and greet people, even strangers at the bus stop. also ive been able to have small conversations with some classmates. For example, last time I was at the bus stop with this girl from my school, then she asked me if i knew how long will the bus be. Then she started asking me about myself and other stuff. I was able to give full answers instead of the usual yes, no, idk. then i started asking a few things, simple things. this continued once in the bus. then it looks like she ran out of questions, and so did i. I could tell that she wanted me to say something. It started getting a bit awkward. luckily, we reached her stop, she smiled, waved, and left. ever since, every time i see her, she smiles and waves like if i've known her for a long time. This makes me feel good. i've been able to start a few conversations but after a few words my mind goes blank, then that old familiar feeling comes back. Can anyone give advice on how to continue a conversation? what do i say when i got nothing else, once ive asked all the basic questions. i think once i master this, ill be done with my anxiety, I'll even be able to talk to the girl of my dreams, even though crowds and group presentations still scare the crap out of me.

Click to expand...

That is absolutely amazing. I envy you.

fitftw said:

all conversations of mine last 5 minutes or less. When done talking, walk away.

Click to expand...

Hey, how goes it?
Great, you?
Yeah.
Good.
Done.

Less than a minute. Didn't know the guy either.

ces4r87, outstanding. Seems as though you were able to ask real questions. Where mine are mostly scripted. Answers already known.

Finding the ability to keep conversations alive is depending on ones level of familiarity with the other.

At that point, the best thing to do would be to whip it out. I know because I get 200x more girls than the average user of this site. Unfortunately, the average user of this site gets 0 ::

When im in a good mood and jokes are flying around, people are laughing.. Then thats my time.. In other situations when im nervous, cant talk muc..

Glad for OP. I'm able to live vicariously through your small successes and achievements and hope one day I can do the same.

As far as advice goes, I'm afraid I have none to offer because you are miles ahead of me in terms of talking to other humans. But good luck!

I knew that same girl! I went to high school with her and she sat next to me in English! I remember at first I was freaked out because when she sat next to me she said "I thought I wasn't going to have any friends in this class," and I had never said more than two words to her before. I then felt obligated to try my hardest to talk to her despite my sp and avpd, and it actually went ok. What I would do is plan out things I would ask her before I got to class and make sure I was listening when she was talking. We both played soccer and track so it wasn't hard to do. Just find something in common and you'll be golden.

Then for the rest of the year she would always smile and wave to me in the halls, say hi too. That was a really good semester
(I felt the need to add more smilies to emphasize)
:That was because I'll probably never see her again)

It really varies from one person to another. Some people I can talk to all day without getting. Others...it just gets awkward quickly. There's nothing wrong, then, in dropping the conversation with those people.

I find that the best way to keep a conversation alive is to pontificate. Talk about yourself a lot once you get the opportunity (just keep it interesting and don't talk too much).

Example:

Me (pontificating): Yeah ,I'm in my last year of engineering but I don't know what I want to do, especially having worked for a year in the oil and gas industry [possible conversation branch-off]. Part of me wants to make money once I graduate but another wants to volunteer work, and I think I'll be doing that for a few months before considering getting a job.

Other person: Oh, interesting...volunteering where?

Me: Africa. My mom used to work for UNICEF in western Africa and I share her passion for helping people there. It's very tough for those people and I feel some responsibility towards them

Other person: That's nice. Is there a way to reconcile your engineering degree with volunteer work?

Me: Yes actually, there's this organization called Engineers Without Borders who send engineers abroad all the time. Have you ever considered volunteer work? Would you like to join me on my weekly charity drive on Friday?

etc...

Remember, you can only drive a conversation so far before the other person runs out of questions to ask you, so make sure you listen to what they're saying. Also, it doesn't hurt to bounce the same questions you're asked back at the person. In some cases, that's the only reason they ask!

You could talk about amusement parks, movies, music, animals, psychology, say youre reading a book and say what it's about, talk about the weather, talk about an object you see in the clouds, discuss your favorite restaurant and why.. so that should save at least one conversation

idk its so hard for me to play that i really just don't ever relate with anyone