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Old 12-15-2011
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I'm probably suffering the worst depression i've ever experienced, Christmas is around the corner yet i couldn't care less.

There's no worse time of year than Christmas to be a loner, thinking about all the people with friends having fun.

I'm becoming more and more of a shut in/hikkomari, atleast when i had a job i was forced to go out and face people, now i have nothing other than my hobbies which are becoming a chore rather than enjoyment. I've lost my sense of humour and i rarely smile and things i used to find funny i don't anymore.

It's a vicious cycle because i have low/non existant self esteem because i don't have friends or a job, but this makes me not want to go out to find a job and friends.

As for a girlfriend...There's more chance of the pope converting to Islam. I am basically doomed because i feel undesirable; I hate being so unremarkable, i feel boring and ugly (i look at photos of me and want to puke).....I don't think any woman has ever found me attractive. I am described as ''nice'' and a ''gentleman'' but i want to be sexually attractive.

You'd think that depression would dampen any sexual desire...Not in my case. I used to be dead against the idea of using prostitutes but it's becoming more of an attractive prospect....After all i am a man and a man has needs, and i'm not going to be a hypocrite about it.

One of the worst things i experience is being unable to stop thinking, i'm constantly thinking, trying to make sense of things and the way i am feeling.
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Old 12-15-2011
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I'm with you, mate. In the last 4 months, plus some bad times in April/May, I've been suffering the worst depression I've felt in 11 years.

All those things you've described are textbook depression. Everything is a chore, you've lost all motivation, nothing makes you happy, loneliness, procrastination...it's all there in Depression 101. I know it because I suffer it.

I think it's time you saw someone professional. You sound like you're at desperation stakes now, so what is there to lose? I strongly recommend it.
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Old 12-15-2011
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Yes, the holidays can be very tough to get through, especially when you are single with few close friends and have to constantly see all of those people with their perfect, happy lives (thanks Facebook!). From your avatar pic, you seem to be a good-looking guy with a nice smile, so I'm sure there's a girl out there who would love to date you! As far as a job goes, are there any places hiring for holiday help? Even if it's short-term, it would get you out of the house, meeting people again, and perhaps give you a boost of confidence. I do feel your pain - I've been feeling very down lately too. It is a vicious cycle! Hope you can find some happiness over the holidays - don't give up!
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Originally Posted by recluse View Post
As for a girlfriend...There's more chance of the pope converting to Islam.
PS - you haven't totally lost your sense of humor!
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Old 12-15-2011
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time spent with a professional sex worker can do wonders for men's self-esteem and should not be seen as desperate or dirty
You reckon?? Didn't help mine ... all I felt at the time was "desperate" and afterwards just plain "dirty". Like porn, it's all "false" and disingenuous. But if you can handle all that, then go ahead & try it out (if you've got the money!). It's nice and that, but thats about it - don't expect any "emotional support" from them, as the man is just a "job" to them.

Just wondering recluse, is this depression you have major (acute), or just moderate (really bored, etc), or minor (low-level; low energy, cant enjoy anything)?. As, there are different solutions/cure/medications for each diffrent type/level of depression (you would need to tell your doctor this info)

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Feeling follow thoughts
So true. And if you're constantly thinking negtive thoughts, it can & will make you depressed. Thoughts have power.

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action can break the cycle - are there things you can do to start to turn this around? Getting out and walking each day is very good for combating depression
Exercise & action may be able to help, depends on type of depression though. But the most important thing to to improve ones thinking (less of the analysing, & more of the rationalising & positive)
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Old 12-15-2011
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In your case, I don't think a therapist OR a prostitute is the way to go. Instead, I think you need to start seriously working on yourself in a concrete fashion, because it's inertia and a lack of achievement that's making you feel this way. Feel unaccomplished because you live at home and have no prospects? Change it. Don't like how you converse with people? Change it. Think you're boring and nerdy-looking? Change it. All of these things can be altered, and you really can be the man you want to be. The best news is that it can all be done incrementally, in baby steps. You've got all the time in the world. If something's not working for you, pinpoint it precisely and chisel away at it until you're where you want to be. Have a goal in mind, or some example that you can follow. If you feel like you can't possibly change it, research it until you find something that will allow you to change it.

At the moment, you're feeling overwhelming dissatisfaction regarding yourself. It's a self-loathing out of which nothing good can come. So you need to keep making small positive changes in order for life to meet you halfway and supply you with the rewards that come from the bits and pieces of success that you'll start racking up.

I read in a thread a while back that you have two cars. Sell one of them, buy yourself some new clothes, lose weight if you need to, get some nice glasses, a good haircut, and look for ways that can get you back into society - a basic course or evening class or something along those lines, just to get you a small foothold in the real world again.

It's also important that you try to get out more on a recreational level once you feel ready. Don't look for women on the internet. Instead, look for ways to get out more within your community. Have nights out, go for drinks with people. It's important that you have laughs again, that you get back to basics and start conversing with others on a fundamental level. Once you do all this, I know for a fact that you'll start a snowball of success that can't be stopped, and that's the point you need to get to.

Last edited by Kinetik; 12-15-2011 at 11:32 AM.
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Old 12-15-2011
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I love being a loser/loner around this time.

Why?

I don't have to waste money on other people and not be able to pay bills.
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Old 12-15-2011
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Hey R,

I think it's important to recognize the 'holiday crazies' and not do something rash!!

I think if you want a nice girlfriend it's better to stay away from any prostitutes, or at least make sure to be as safe as possible (who knows what you might 'get'?)
Who ever said you had to have 2 people to feel good??

What about volunteering? Maybe you could help feed the homeless or something like that? Visit the elderly? Join an organisation that helps single mums??
Some nice girls work in non-profit organisations too, or volunteer with them... just sayin'...

Nice gentlemen can be sexually attractive too, people are just not gonna tell you that (if they're nice themselves!!)

You need to stop looking for fulfillment from outside, okay, so Christmas/holidays may likely suck, accept it and 'survive' it... Most people who are married/with kids have Christmas stress too, from shopping/bills/cooking/cleaning etc. It was a big eyeopener to realize this!!
You can make your own tradition/s, read LOTR on Christmas day or something... (?)

Winter can make people's (or bears') tendency to stay in worse, the weather etc. Can you find a doggie that needs walking? A local animal shelter that would appreciate help?

There are some 'free' events too: gallery openings, book presentations/readings, museum nights, etc. Maybe a mate could be persuaded to go to one of these too (sometimes there's free food and wine!!) and maybe there would be girls/women there too??
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Old 12-15-2011
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Hang in there brother.

Exercise has been a massive help for me. I reckon some free counselling might be beneficial, it helps having someone to talk to.
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Old 12-16-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeyC View Post
I'm with you, mate. In the last 4 months, plus some bad times in April/May, I've been suffering the worst depression I've felt in 11 years.

All those things you've described are textbook depression. Everything is a chore, you've lost all motivation, nothing makes you happy, loneliness, procrastination...it's all there in Depression 101. I know it because I suffer it.

I think it's time you saw someone professional. You sound like you're at desperation stakes now, so what is there to lose? I strongly recommend it.
I've tried seeing someone before, it made no difference. Meds are only a temporary option too.
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Old 12-16-2011
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Yes, the holidays can be very tough to get through, especially when you are single with few close friends and have to constantly see all of those people with their perfect, happy lives (thanks Facebook!). From your avatar pic, you seem to be a good-looking guy with a nice smile, so I'm sure there's a girl out there who would love to date you! As far as a job goes, are there any places hiring for holiday help? Even if it's short-term, it would get you out of the house, meeting people again, and perhaps give you a boost of confidence. I do feel your pain - I've been feeling very down lately too. It is a vicious cycle! Hope you can find some happiness over the holidays - don't give up!
That's the reason i quit facebook after i got sick of seeing basically a popularity contest, and an advert of how great peoples lives are. It's like a kick in the teeth.

Thanks for the compliment, but i don't feel good looking. Most of the time i feel ugly...Well perhaps not ugly but nothing special to look at. It's funny how women get insecure from seeing ''perfect'' women in the media but it affects men too. We get insecure seeing all the chisled ''hunks'' on Calvin Kelin ads and stuff. Besides not feeling physically ugly i feel boring and uncharismatic. People describe me as being nice but that does not mean it's a passport to being popular. Do i have to be mean or what?!

I live in probably one of the worst places in the UK to find work. I think a job would get me out of the house.
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Old 12-16-2011
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I fall into depressions like this all the time. I'm rather a shut in myself. You need to find distractions. Getting out of the house, even for a little bit would probably help the best. It will get better. You may want to think about anti depressants. Also, you're from Wales, thats hella hot. You should come to North America, Canadian chicks LOVE men from the empire.
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Old 12-16-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thesmallestloser View Post
You reckon?? Didn't help mine ... all I felt at the time was "desperate" and afterwards just plain "dirty". Like porn, it's all "false" and disingenuous. But if you can handle all that, then go ahead & try it out (if you've got the money!). It's nice and that, but thats about it - don't expect any "emotional support" from them, as the man is just a "job" to them.

Just wondering recluse, is this depression you have major (acute), or just moderate (really bored, etc), or minor (low-level; low energy, cant enjoy anything)?. As, there are different solutions/cure/medications for each diffrent type/level of depression (you would need to tell your doctor this info)


So true. And if you're constantly thinking negtive thoughts, it can & will make you depressed. Thoughts have power.


Exercise & action may be able to help, depends on type of depression though. But the most important thing to to improve ones thinking (less of the analysing, & more of the rationalising & positive)

Yeah i was thinking the same regarding prostitutes, just the feeling that one had to pay for it screams desperation. I don't think i could handle being unconnected emotianly either and the fact that she'd have had hundreds even thousands before me.

I feel intensely lonely, bored, lethargic, frustrated, mind feels foggy and i feel confused as if in a dream, unable to concentrate or enjoy my hobbies, ruminating. One thing i have started to experience is a feeling of being physically unwell too, like i feel ill all the time as if i have a bit of a fever.
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Old 12-16-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinetik View Post
In your case, I don't think a therapist OR a prostitute is the way to go. Instead, I think you need to start seriously working on yourself in a concrete fashion, because it's inertia and a lack of achievement that's making you feel this way. Feel unaccomplished because you live at home and have no prospects? Change it. Don't like how you converse with people? Change it. Think you're boring and nerdy-looking? Change it. All of these things can be altered, and you really can be the man you want to be. The best news is that it can all be done incrementally, in baby steps. You've got all the time in the world. If something's not working for you, pinpoint it precisely and chisel away at it until you're where you want to be. Have a goal in mind, or some example that you can follow. If you feel like you can't possibly change it, research it until you find something that will allow you to change it.

At the moment, you're feeling overwhelming dissatisfaction regarding yourself. It's a self-loathing out of which nothing good can come. So you need to keep making small positive changes in order for life to meet you halfway and supply you with the rewards that come from the bits and pieces of success that you'll start racking up.

I read in a thread a while back that you have two cars. Sell one of them, buy yourself some new clothes, lose weight if you need to, get some nice glasses, a good haircut, and look for ways that can get you back into society - a basic course or evening class or something along those lines, just to get you a small foothold in the real world again.

It's also important that you try to get out more on a recreational level once you feel ready. Don't look for women on the internet. Instead, look for ways to get out more within your community. Have nights out, go for drinks with people. It's important that you have laughs again, that you get back to basics and start conversing with others on a fundamental level. Once you do all this, I know for a fact that you'll start a snowball of success that can't be stopped, and that's the point you need to get to.
Thanks. I am considering selling the ''unsensible'' car as i rarely use it anyway. I have new nice glasses, nothing wrong with my clothes, i exercise regularily, i go to karate class.

I live in a rural area so going out to drink is not easy.
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Old 12-16-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Feathers View Post
Hey R,

I think it's important to recognize the 'holiday crazies' and not do something rash!!

I think if you want a nice girlfriend it's better to stay away from any prostitutes, or at least make sure to be as safe as possible (who knows what you might 'get'?)
Who ever said you had to have 2 people to feel good??

What about volunteering? Maybe you could help feed the homeless or something like that? Visit the elderly? Join an organisation that helps single mums??
Some nice girls work in non-profit organisations too, or volunteer with them... just sayin'...

Nice gentlemen can be sexually attractive too, people are just not gonna tell you that (if they're nice themselves!!)

You need to stop looking for fulfillment from outside, okay, so Christmas/holidays may likely suck, accept it and 'survive' it... Most people who are married/with kids have Christmas stress too, from shopping/bills/cooking/cleaning etc. It was a big eyeopener to realize this!!
You can make your own tradition/s, read LOTR on Christmas day or something... (?)

Winter can make people's (or bears') tendency to stay in worse, the weather etc. Can you find a doggie that needs walking? A local animal shelter that would appreciate help?

There are some 'free' events too: gallery openings, book presentations/readings, museum nights, etc. Maybe a mate could be persuaded to go to one of these too (sometimes there's free food and wine!!) and maybe there would be girls/women there too??
I have been thinking of the volunteering route.

I could live with paying bills, loneliness is the worst feeling of all.
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Old 12-16-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MercySparx View Post
I fall into depressions like this all the time. I'm rather a shut in myself. You need to find distractions. Getting out of the house, even for a little bit would probably help the best. It will get better. You may want to think about anti depressants. Also, you're from Wales, thats hella hot. You should come to North America, Canadian chicks LOVE men from the empire.
I do try. I have a ton of hobbies. I hav elost faith in meds.

British men are not all like Hugh Grant o'r prince william you know
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I do try. I have a ton of hobbies. I hav elost faith in meds.

British men are not all like Hugh Grant o'r prince william you know
Doesn't matter. Its the accent. Every time I watch Doctor Who I have to find my boyfriend.

**I'm also more of a Prince Harry kinda girl.
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Old 12-16-2011
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I've also basically lost all hope right now - but don't ask. I put it down to recent people events, the full moon, recent lunar eclipse, & xmas season. Sh*t has hit the fan, so to speak. But I dare say i'll get out it eventually, in maybe a few weeks or so.

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I feel intensely lonely, bored, lethargic, frustrated, mind feels foggy and i feel confused as if in a dream, unable to concentrate or enjoy my hobbies, ruminating. One thing i have started to experience is a feeling of being physically unwell too, like i feel ill all the time as if i have a bit of a fever
This does sound like you are "clinically depressed", as your symptoms sound familiar to me. Does your body feel cold physically? (esp in the abdomen). Have things lost their "meaning" to you? (ie all feels "unfamiliar")

Last edited by theslowesthand; 12-16-2011 at 11:45 AM.
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Old 12-18-2011
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^Hi sometimes i do feel shivery even if the room is warm, but a lot of the time i am burning if i am feeling anxious especially.

Everything has lost it's meaning yes..To be honest i've been feeling this way for months. My hobbies don't thrill me anymore, they are just things i do to pass time and because i don't want to give up. Even my hobbies feel like a chore, and i don't enjoy being with people yet at the same time i yearn to be close to people and to form some connection.

I've become very withdrawn, i was always an introvert anyway but i will sit at the dinner table with my parents and not say a word, partly because i have nothing to say but also i have no energy to talk.

I'm into keeping fit, and i have a regular routine but i am also physically unwell i feel i have lost endurance and muscle strength. I feel as if my muscle is burning away.
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Old 12-18-2011
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There's no worse time of year than Christmas to be a loner, thinking about all the people with friends having fun.
This is quite possibly the worst feeling in the whole entire world, as far as I'm concerned.

Are you an animal person? Many animal shelters allow visitors on holidays, since the animals get forgotten by the public. Or you could look into fostering a shelter animal during the holidays, which would provide companionship, and you'd be doing a great deed.
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