Okay, I just ate lunch. ehehe. Now I can try to write what I wrote before.
First Aleksandra, think to yourself this one thing: "My English is GOOD!" ehehehe, your english is awesome Alek. Serious, you're able to express yourself very well.
Okay, when you're in social situations and those thoughts start creeping in and you have to stomp them out..and practive active listening. Becuase if you're having a conversation with someone and those thoughts start to consume your mental status...you will get nervous and maybe dizzy, and you won't be able to concentrate.
When these thoughts creep in ..counter them..start talking OVER THEM mentally. saying I CAN DO THIS..they're not feeling nervous and this seems easy to them, so if they can do this I CAN do this"! then the mood lifts a little, and all the sudden what they're saying starts to get more interesting..and i start listening more (rather than listening to my neg. thoughts) and i start contributing to the conversation, and feeling better..then they start laughing and that makes me feel even better, then bam, the nervousness is gone..I'm able to relax and carry on the conversation and enjoy it! instead of letting the neg. thoughts take over and consume me to a point where i just want to RUN.
but yes Alek, the same thing happens to me, but now that I'm getting more practice, it's getting better. I'm going through this very same thing you are. But keep going! we're making it. and if you have a panic attack DON"T GIVE UP...don't beat yourself up mentally. Just brush your knees off and keep trying. okay? start back at the beginning and try again. It's like learning like a child does. They don't hate themselves, if they fall off their bike, then think, hm..how can i do this? ok, i'll get back on and try again.
If it gets to a point where your thoughts start to consume you...politely break away from the conversation and go find someplace..a bathroom stall? (speaking from experience). calm yourself...and start from scratch again. And start the game/challenge again.
at my job, this one day this girl rolled her eyes to another girl because she saw that I was nervous. I was having a panic attack and then I had to go to the bathroom, and in the stall i was thinking to myself that i was going to walk out of there. I had JUST gotten that job. My negative thoughts were engulfing me and i was letting them. and my irrational thinking was telling me to quit and walk out and leave my things at my desk. but I decided against that. I WASN"T going to quit! I wasn't going to be beaten. I went back up there with shaky knees and toughed it out.
Now? that girl goes out of her way to sit next to me at work. I work for Nextel (it's a good school job) and turn people's phones on and we don't have assigned seats. and she also values my opinions and asks me to lunch with her. And this girl is a THEATRE arts major. She can get up in front of crowds of people and feels comfortable and actually enjoys it.
Okay, i tried to say what I wrote before, and somehow i'm thinking here that this isn't as clear as what i wrote before, but maybe you can read through what i wrote.
Jessica