Is there a plan B, and if there is, what is it ?

Angel_Of_Death

Well-known member
From what I understand, social anxiety is not an easy thing to overcome. To some it may be impossible. So I guess some may be able to overcome it, and others might not even if they tried (ex: medication, therapy ect...)

I guess the main purpose of every human being is being "happy".

That's my goal in life, being "happy".

I know if I don't overcome my social anxiety, I will never be able to meet my life objectives for example finding a life partner (soul mate), having a successful career etc... which means I won't be happy but rahter depressed as I've been since I was a kid. I'm 24 now.

So my question is, if we aren't successful in overcoming SA and are cursed to live a life with this condition, what exactly is the alternative or the outlook on life ? Is it possible to live a fulfilling life with this condition ?
If yes, how ?
 

froghat

Well-known member
See, this is what I'm depressed about right now. I'm taking meds and going to therapy, but I still feel really awkward looking people in the eyes, realaxing, and connecting with people. If I don't overcome social anxiety I will never be happy and I will never find a girlfriend.
 

villacjs

Well-known member
Unfortunatly I believe SA is impossible to overcome but I think it can be held in check. I base this belief that everyone has some degree of SA, just think about all the people who fear oral presentations. But keeping SA in check for those of us at the disorder stage seems hard / long way off etc.

Just like you I know that if I don't keep my SA in check I will not be able to achieve my life's abitions, like you I'm still yound at 22. At the moment I am just sitting around waiting to see if Effexor-XR will work for me (its my 3rd day at 150mg). Hopefully it will help, fingers crossed!
 

Lexmark

Well-known member
Make it your life goal to beet it ?
Im 23 and I used to think like that. I realized I have no idea who I am coz of always lived with SP and never been myself or truly experienced anything.
 

coriander1992

Well-known member
I think it's all about keeping that happy medium between your SA fears, and doing the things you want to do.

You'll have good days and bad days, so it's perfectly ok to not do anything on your bad days, as long as you push yourself to go and do something you've wanted to do on your good days.

That way, you are constantly acheiving something, by not letting your SA win, and therefore that should make you happy, or atleast happier than if you just let SA rule your life.

That's what i've been doing lately, and it's doing wonders for my confidence in certain situations.
 

lostinspace

Member
Plan B might be to accept it and try to figure out a way to live where you can do things you enjoy, yet keep your social phobia to a minimum.

Take Buckethead for example. He seems to be a guy who is social phobic, yet he wears a mask on stage and does what he loves best: play guitar. He doesn't do interviews and in character he doesn't speak at all. He's tried out for Ozzy and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, both whom acknowledged his talent yet rejected him because he didn't fit in personality wise. But he's found bands to play in that accept him for who he is and he does solo stuff with just an Ipod backing him up. So even though he's not an outgoing, socially adjusted type person, he's still found a way to make his life work. You can too.
 

boro

Well-known member
I think just to find something you enjoy outside of interacting with people would be a good step and if you can do this without always thinking about the future i think things are more likely to start to happen from a social point of view - because social interaction could become less important therefore less anxiety provoking.
 

mesc000

Active member
There is no plan B, only the cards your dealt with. Some days the world can be the most beautiful place and other days not so much. I think persistence is the only way reach that happiness (soulmate, career kids etc.) you talk about. I've felt/feel soooo defeated so many times, but to keep exposing yourself to what scares you is the only way to feel alive. Through that at least you have an experience of something. My social anxiety gets in the way of things, but I still try and do those things... mind you its still really difficult for me, even after "realizing" all this. :wink:
 
Plan B

Plan B...?

I can offer a few. I'm 38. Started Effexor 4 weeks ago. By the way, it's working fairly well so far. It definitely took the edge off of the SAD.

You could do as someone else mentioned when they brought up Buckethead... A job you can do at home. Artistic, telecommute, whatever.

I also found that when I got out of my peer group my SAD went away considerably. More specifically, when I was interacting with people who were either incapable of judging me or who I didn't care if they did judge me. Even more specifically, when I worked a blue collar job in a tool-die shop after getting a grad degree. I knew I wasn't going to stick around so the performance anxiety wasn't there. I could very easily have stuck around though because I really liked the people I worked with since I wasn't anxious about them and so they didn't react. Also, I didn't feel the SAD when I worked overseas teaching English. I was WAY out of my culture and the people I interacted with had absolutely no way of judging me. I was like an alien to them and vice versa. The job wasn't particularly demanding there either. The SAD totally disappeared in that case. It's only when I got a job in a career I actually wanted that the SAD kicks in. That's a sad irony but there it is. But another positive aspect to both of those jobs--blue collar and foreign--is that they helped break the downward spiral to some extent and when I came back to the real world and tried to get a job in a career I wanted it was easier and I had more confidence.

Acceptance is another alternative. You may not get as far as you want career-wise but as long as you're healthy and make a good living (which is easier than most people think) who cares if you're a low level manager and not the Senior VP... Also, see above about the blue collar job thing. Jobs are important but I think they're secondary to family life.

As far as significant others go... I can offer this advice which, to a 20-something year old, will probably sound fogey-ish and cynical but I think many people would agree with it. Marriage, or long-term relationships, have less to do with romantic love than single people think. So, I guess what I'm saying is that you should accept that you won't get your ideal mate but that that in and of itself is not a problem at all. There are plenty of good looking, interesting people out there who are patient enough to deal with someone with SAD. They may not be the sexiest in the world in terms of looks or excitement but they'd make fine mates in that they'd be mature enough to handle marriage. Marriage takes compromise, maturity, respect and patience not an ability to fit into someone's romatic ideal...
 
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