Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 08-18-2018
kuurt's Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana
Posts: 65
Thanked 8 Times
kuurt kuurt is offline
Newbie User
kuurt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana
Posts: 65
Thanked 8 Times
Do you think it is a belief that is the cause of one's social anxiety? If so, what belief or beliefs do you think cause it?
__________________
Without hope there's only dread.
kuurt is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-18-2018
Graeme1988's Avatar
Hie ye hence from me heath!
Elite User
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 8,570
Thanked 487 Times
Graeme1988 Graeme1988 is offline
Hie ye hence from me heath!
Elite User
Graeme1988's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 8,570
Thanked 487 Times
Speaking for myself: yes. My social anxiety is caused by a belief. Though, not my own personal belief.

It still surprises me how my mother and sisters think I’m faking it. I mean my mother frequently would rant about how all men were “useless effin’ [email protected]$%@rd$“. Something my older sisters would say to me as a “joke”, minus the swearing and anger. They were the only ones who’d be laughing, though. And any time I got brave enough to challenge my mother’s on her view of men by asking if that’s what she thought of me, she’d say: “Oh, I didn’t mean you...”

My mother also told me to “Trust no-one, except yer family”. How could you not be social anxious when that guff been told to ya on an almost daily basis from the moment ya hit adolescents?

Having said that, the useless remark so stopped when I yelled at my mother,in middle of her talking shit about my dad - who was by no means perfect - that she should go to therapy, instead of projecting her hatred for my father onto me.

Not that being praised by my family is any better, mind you...
Graeme1988 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-18-2018
kuurt's Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana
Posts: 65
Thanked 8 Times
kuurt kuurt is offline
Newbie User
kuurt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana
Posts: 65
Thanked 8 Times
I don't understand Graeme, why would this cause you social anxiety? Do you feel like all girls are going to judge you as a useless effin' [email protected]$%@rd? So that makes you shy or anxious in social situations?
__________________
Without hope there's only dread.
kuurt is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-20-2018
Sacrament's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,904
Thanked 231 Times
Sacrament Sacrament is offline
Elite User
Sacrament's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,904
Thanked 231 Times
Social anxiety is a distortion of reality brought on but certain events in your life (parental behavior making you feel scared of the world, bullying, a traumatic event, etc). Recognizing the distortion is a good path to seeing things in a more rational fashion.
Sacrament is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Sacrament For This Useful Post:
Pacific_Loner (08-20-2018)
Old 08-21-2018
BlueDays's Avatar
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Elite User
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: In my secret hiding place.
Posts: 10,041
Thanked 451 Times
BlueDays BlueDays is offline
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Elite User
BlueDays's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: In my secret hiding place.
Posts: 10,041
Thanked 451 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sacrament View Post
Social anxiety is a distortion of reality brought on but certain events in your life (parental behavior making you feel scared of the world, bullying, a traumatic event, etc). Recognizing the distortion is a good path to seeing things in a more rational fashion.
This is a short and simple statement - yet it encompasses so much truth concerning SA.
BlueDays is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BlueDays For This Useful Post:
Sacrament (08-21-2018), SoScared (08-22-2018)
Old 08-21-2018
Graeme1988's Avatar
Hie ye hence from me heath!
Elite User
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 8,570
Thanked 487 Times
Graeme1988 Graeme1988 is offline
Hie ye hence from me heath!
Elite User
Graeme1988's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 8,570
Thanked 487 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by kuurt View Post
I don't understand Graeme, why would this cause you social anxiety? Do you feel like all girls are going to judge you as a useless effin' [email protected]$%@rd? So that makes you shy or anxious in social situations?
No, being told I was useless just made me a people pleaser, more than anything. And did an obvious number on my self-esteem and confidence.

I think my mother telling me not trust anyone outside the family during my teenage years is what really made me shy and anxious in social situations. Cuz most of my schoolmates at that time were recreational drug users, and my mother didn’t want me falling in with them. Doubly ironic, given that a couple of my relatives are junkies. And how my family has betrayed my trust more than once.

Though, my family are fairly dysfunctional, to be honest. Quite volatile. Prone to overreacting, so I tend to not interact with them much. My mum and older sister in particular. It’s quite difficult not feeling anxious socially when you can’t exactly predict how your own mother or sister will react to you asking what to you is a simple, straightforward question.
Graeme1988 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-21-2018
kuurt's Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana
Posts: 65
Thanked 8 Times
kuurt kuurt is offline
Newbie User
kuurt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana
Posts: 65
Thanked 8 Times
So thanks to your mom, you have a belief that you can't trust people. I can see how such a belief could make one shy and maybe even fearful around people.

Quote:
Social anxiety is a distortion of reality brought on but certain events in your life (parental behavior making you feel scared of the world, bullying, a traumatic event, etc).
But wouldn't a distortion of reality be a belief too?

I'm not 100% sure what is causing my social anxiety, I guess that's why I'm asking about this topic.
__________________
Without hope there's only dread.
kuurt is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-21-2018
Kiwong's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: falling for life wave after wave and never saying goodbye
Posts: 7,757
Thanked 474 Times
Kiwong Kiwong is offline
Elite User
Kiwong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: falling for life wave after wave and never saying goodbye
Posts: 7,757
Thanked 474 Times
Social anxiety is born from beliefs that may have a grain of truth, that snowball into a storm of irrational thoughts most of which are irrational. Thoughts and beliefs that are given much more weight than they deserve to be.
__________________
In my dreams nothing holds me down, there is only out and away. I wish I could die and be reborn as a bird. William Wharton Birdy
Kiwong is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-22-2018
Sacrament's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,904
Thanked 231 Times
Sacrament Sacrament is offline
Elite User
Sacrament's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,904
Thanked 231 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by kuurt View Post
So thanks to your mom, you have a belief that you can't trust people. I can see how such a belief could make one shy and maybe even fearful around people.



But wouldn't a distortion of reality be a belief too?

I'm not 100% sure what is causing my social anxiety, I guess that's why I'm asking about this topic.
Yes. It's similar to people with OCD believing they have to tap their fingers 5 times on a surface or their family will die.
Sacrament is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-24-2018
PugofCrydee's Avatar
Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see.
Elite User
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Behind you
Posts: 3,132
Thanked 502 Times
PugofCrydee PugofCrydee is offline
Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see.
Elite User
PugofCrydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Behind you
Posts: 3,132
Thanked 502 Times
I believe so...
PugofCrydee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-25-2018
BlackPuma's Avatar
Neither black nor a puma.
Elite User
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 5,952
Thanked 111 Times
BlackPuma BlackPuma is offline
Neither black nor a puma.
Elite User
BlackPuma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 5,952
Thanked 111 Times
Perhaps 'belief' is not the right word, but it's definitely caused by a skewed perception of the world, and the reactions you have towards these perceptions. If someone with and someone without anxiety go to a party, and person for person, and word for word, have an identical night (activity wise,) they could and probably would reach very different conclusions about how that night went, and how the people they spoke to perceived them.
__________________
   ^-^
   OWO) ~( I haven't blinked in five years! )

Last edited by BlackPuma; 08-25-2018 at 09:32 PM.
BlackPuma is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-26-2018
Sacrament's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,904
Thanked 231 Times
Sacrament Sacrament is offline
Elite User
Sacrament's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,904
Thanked 231 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackPuma View Post
Perhaps 'belief' is not the right word, but it's definitely caused by a skewed perception of the world, and the reactions you have towards these perceptions. If someone with and someone without anxiety go to a party, and person for person, and word for word, have an identical night (activity wise,) they could and probably would reach very different conclusions about how that night went, and how the people they spoke to perceived them.
It's true. Your perceptions about life, yourself, other people, your job, etc, all depend mostly on the way you react to things. If you're already extremely anxious before a job interview, chances are your fears will come true (stuttering, sweaty hands, blushing, not being able to express yourself properly, etc); but if you manage to turn that anxiety into excitement over a new experience (taking things as they go, and doing things for the hell of it), you're much more likely to achieve a good outcome.

Same thing goes for social interactions of any sort: if you're talking to someone and you can't stop focusing on them noticing any supposed flaws you may have, you're gonna leave that conversation exhausted, frustrated and possibly miserable; but if you focus on the other person, on the things they're saying, their mannerisms, etc, it'll be much more fulfilling.
Sacrament is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-27-2018
kuurt's Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana
Posts: 65
Thanked 8 Times
kuurt kuurt is offline
Newbie User
kuurt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana
Posts: 65
Thanked 8 Times
Quote:
If someone with and someone without anxiety go to a party, and person for person, and word for word, have an identical night (activity wise,) they could and probably would reach very different conclusions about how that night went, and how the people they spoke to perceived them.
Yeah, but wouldn't their perception be based upon their belief? If one had an inferiority belief and the other didn't they would perceive things differently.

Quote:
It's true. Your perceptions about life, yourself, other people, your job, etc, all depend mostly on the way you react to things.
But wouldn't that also depend upon your belief?

I could be wrong, but to me it seems like it always comes back to a belief. A belief is a habitual way of thinking. Maybe it starts from an emotion which leads to a thought, and when we think the thought enough times it becomes a belief. Sure a belief has to get started somewhere, but by the time we're in our 20s or 30s most of our beliefs are probably already established by then. So, to me it seems like social anxiety might have been started by an uncomfortable emotion, which lead to a negative thought that we kept thinking, which turned into a belief. But, now it is a belief that keeps it going, is it not?

And if that's the case, couldn't we change what we believe?
__________________
Without hope there's only dread.
kuurt is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-27-2018
Sacrament's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,904
Thanked 231 Times
Sacrament Sacrament is offline
Elite User
Sacrament's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,904
Thanked 231 Times
Of course we can, with practice and exposure, and by shifting your internal dialogue.
Sacrament is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-27-2018
kuurt's Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana
Posts: 65
Thanked 8 Times
kuurt kuurt is offline
Newbie User
kuurt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Indiana
Posts: 65
Thanked 8 Times
I was thinking maybe with a method that is a little faster, like the Lefkoe method or something.
__________________
Without hope there's only dread.
kuurt is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 08-28-2018
Sacrament's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,904
Thanked 231 Times
Sacrament Sacrament is offline
Elite User
Sacrament's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,904
Thanked 231 Times
I don't know what that is, sorry.
Sacrament is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-03-2018
lily's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,392
Thanked 187 Times
lily lily is offline
Elite User
lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,392
Thanked 187 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by kuurt View Post
Do you think it is a belief that is the cause of one's social anxiety? If so, what belief or beliefs do you think cause it?
Yes, it can be beliefs that you're not good-looking enough or that you're boring, etc.
lily is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-03-2018
grapevine's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,110
Thanked 148 Times
grapevine grapevine is offline
Elite User
grapevine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,110
Thanked 148 Times
Most part a belief brought on by circumstances in life and the other part genetics.

I think the belief is subconscious and basically a trail of low self-worth that makes one feel so inferior and anxious with others that it becomes just too painful to be around people and thier evaluations. It becomes a phobia.
__________________
KAZAM

~Truely be your best friend- try to see yourself with unconditional compassion '
grapevine is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to grapevine For This Useful Post:
lily (09-05-2018)
Old 09-05-2018
lily's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,392
Thanked 187 Times
lily lily is offline
Elite User
lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,392
Thanked 187 Times
Oh yes, i forgot about genetics, i think that plays a part too as i think some people have the foundation of being fed really healthy and others not so that helps in mental health.
lily is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-13-2018
hoddesdon's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Canberra, Australia
Posts: 2,621
Thanked 19 Times
hoddesdon hoddesdon is offline
Elite User
hoddesdon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Canberra, Australia
Posts: 2,621
Thanked 19 Times
^ yes, it can be traced through families - there is usually someone who has had some degree of similar psychological difficulty.
__________________
vegetables of the world unite - you have nothing to lose but dousing with salad dressing
hoddesdon is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wha caused your social anxiety? Gunther Social Anxiety Forum 12 11-14-2016 12:59 PM
Speech impediment caused by social anxiety? iwillbeatthis Social Anxiety Forum 0 07-01-2016 02:05 AM
What do you think caused your Social Anxiety Disorder? outsideroftheoutsiders Social Anxiety Forum 14 02-26-2012 01:48 AM
What do you think caused your Social Anxiety Srijita52 Pictures Forum 23 01-25-2012 05:04 AM
Is your social anxiety caused by inhaling solvents enigma Social Anxiety Forum 3 02-05-2009 09:16 PM

All times are GMT. The time now is 12:51 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.10
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
 
Contact Us Privacy