Hi all...
This year I went back to school after quitting it because of my depression and suicide attempt...
At first I was always alone like I almost always have been in the school setting...nothing new...
Then...I befriended (or should I say, she befriended mexD its so damn hard for me to talk to people first and even more ask them to hang out....first i never now where to take them and then I'm afraid I'm annoyning them...when I was at my loneliest there was a short time I was actually quite annoying and pathetic with people...desperate to hang out with anyone .-.)....
Anyway....I love, love this girl. In a platonic sense...she's like one of the funniest people I ever met, and she's like...very good inside, it's like she see
the goodness in anyone and everyone...I miss her when I don't see her for just a few days, and this is so unusual, even with the other ''friendships'' I had in the past few years it wasn't like that...
The problem is with some of the issues my friends have...
ok some background information:
1)my friend is 17 while I am 18
2) I don't trust people, she seem to trust EVERY ****ING single persone especially if they shouldn't be trusted...
3)She has alcohl/ addiction problem...
4) she is fascinated/loves ''street life''....since I've befriended her I actually found myself listeing to people talking about the last time they were in jail like it was the most normal thing
she keeps switching boyfriends and its always some ******* drug addict/crazy guy she met on the street just a few days earlier...
I don't judge... but it just feel so uncomfortable for me to always end up being around these people, I hate that some of them now actually notice me when I go to zone of the city I used to love the most and talk to me like we were buddy or something, that some of them may actually have a liking in me -.-
I'm afraid that I will end up in trouble or she will taht some days she will actually pick up some REAL psycho...and I do not want to be around (as in arm's ways) when thats happen
But when I dont call her for a while she just text me...are you mad?What's wrong? Please do not be mad, I'm sorry if you do not want to be my friend
and i feel sorry but even if she doesnt do that, i just miss her so ******* much and feel kinda protective of her...
I presented to her a guy friend of mine and made the resolution to just hang around with her when there's him too or just in place that are ''safe'' but for some reason I always seem to not be able to follow thru...like sometime when im there im just in such a great mood and i feel like Im beaing over paranoid or i jsut have and hard time saying no...
I have an hard time saying no to my friends in general or to people that are attached to me..like not with petty stuff but I jsut dont want to be abandoned or that they may feel abandoned by me...
i hate confrontation, i avoid them like the plague...
even telling swim teacher that i wanted to quit gym used to be hard....
I hope all of the abofve was clear...english isn't my first language : D...
This year I went back to school after quitting it because of my depression and suicide attempt...
At first I was always alone like I almost always have been in the school setting...nothing new...
Then...I befriended (or should I say, she befriended mexD its so damn hard for me to talk to people first and even more ask them to hang out....first i never now where to take them and then I'm afraid I'm annoyning them...when I was at my loneliest there was a short time I was actually quite annoying and pathetic with people...desperate to hang out with anyone .-.)....
Anyway....I love, love this girl. In a platonic sense...she's like one of the funniest people I ever met, and she's like...very good inside, it's like she see
the goodness in anyone and everyone...I miss her when I don't see her for just a few days, and this is so unusual, even with the other ''friendships'' I had in the past few years it wasn't like that...
The problem is with some of the issues my friends have...
ok some background information:
1)my friend is 17 while I am 18
2) I don't trust people, she seem to trust EVERY ****ING single persone especially if they shouldn't be trusted...
3)She has alcohl/ addiction problem...
4) she is fascinated/loves ''street life''....since I've befriended her I actually found myself listeing to people talking about the last time they were in jail like it was the most normal thing
she keeps switching boyfriends and its always some ******* drug addict/crazy guy she met on the street just a few days earlier...
I don't judge... but it just feel so uncomfortable for me to always end up being around these people, I hate that some of them now actually notice me when I go to zone of the city I used to love the most and talk to me like we were buddy or something, that some of them may actually have a liking in me -.-
I'm afraid that I will end up in trouble or she will taht some days she will actually pick up some REAL psycho...and I do not want to be around (as in arm's ways) when thats happen
But when I dont call her for a while she just text me...are you mad?What's wrong? Please do not be mad, I'm sorry if you do not want to be my friend
and i feel sorry but even if she doesnt do that, i just miss her so ******* much and feel kinda protective of her...
I presented to her a guy friend of mine and made the resolution to just hang around with her when there's him too or just in place that are ''safe'' but for some reason I always seem to not be able to follow thru...like sometime when im there im just in such a great mood and i feel like Im beaing over paranoid or i jsut have and hard time saying no...
I have an hard time saying no to my friends in general or to people that are attached to me..like not with petty stuff but I jsut dont want to be abandoned or that they may feel abandoned by me...
i hate confrontation, i avoid them like the plague...
even telling swim teacher that i wanted to quit gym used to be hard....
I hope all of the abofve was clear...english isn't my first language : D...