is my friend toxic?

YukoNishi

Active member
Hi all...
This year I went back to school after quitting it because of my depression and suicide attempt...
At first I was always alone like I almost always have been in the school setting...nothing new...
Then...I befriended (or should I say, she befriended mexD its so damn hard for me to talk to people first and even more ask them to hang out....first i never now where to take them and then I'm afraid I'm annoyning them...when I was at my loneliest there was a short time I was actually quite annoying and pathetic with people...desperate to hang out with anyone .-.)....
Anyway....I love, love this girl. In a platonic sense...she's like one of the funniest people I ever met, and she's like...very good inside, it's like she see
the goodness in anyone and everyone...I miss her when I don't see her for just a few days, and this is so unusual, even with the other ''friendships'' I had in the past few years it wasn't like that...
The problem is with some of the issues my friends have...
ok some background information:

1)my friend is 17 while I am 18
2) I don't trust people, she seem to trust EVERY ****ING single persone especially if they shouldn't be trusted...
3)She has alcohl/ addiction problem...
4) she is fascinated/loves ''street life''....since I've befriended her I actually found myself listeing to people talking about the last time they were in jail like it was the most normal thing
she keeps switching boyfriends and its always some ******* drug addict/crazy guy she met on the street just a few days earlier...

I don't judge... but it just feel so uncomfortable for me to always end up being around these people, I hate that some of them now actually notice me when I go to zone of the city I used to love the most and talk to me like we were buddy or something, that some of them may actually have a liking in me -.-
I'm afraid that I will end up in trouble or she will taht some days she will actually pick up some REAL psycho...and I do not want to be around (as in arm's ways) when thats happen
But when I dont call her for a while she just text me...are you mad?What's wrong? Please do not be mad, I'm sorry if you do not want to be my friend
and i feel sorry but even if she doesnt do that, i just miss her so ******* much and feel kinda protective of her...
I presented to her a guy friend of mine and made the resolution to just hang around with her when there's him too or just in place that are ''safe'' but for some reason I always seem to not be able to follow thru...like sometime when im there im just in such a great mood and i feel like Im beaing over paranoid or i jsut have and hard time saying no...
I have an hard time saying no to my friends in general or to people that are attached to me..like not with petty stuff but I jsut dont want to be abandoned or that they may feel abandoned by me...
i hate confrontation, i avoid them like the plague...
even telling swim teacher that i wanted to quit gym used to be hard....
I hope all of the abofve was clear...english isn't my first language : D...
 

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
Someone can be the nicest person in the world but not be very good for you.
It kind of sounds to me like she is this for you.


I had a friend in highschool who was amazingly funny and I told my secrets to. The was super nice but had a tendency to attract DRAMA.
Drama can suck you in like a black hole and create chaos in your life-- and if you are someone who wants a safe or stable life, then you should steer clear of drama.

I don't think there's any need to burn bridges but perhaps lessen the amount of time you spend together and make sure to keep up with your own responsibilities.
Who knows--? She might mature in the next few years and be less drawn to drama and you can be closer friends again without getting dragged into her craziness?


That's just *my* opinion, though.
If you're here, asking this question then you probably know what you should do, anyways.
Trust your gut.
 

Odo

Banned
You shouldn't just write people off as toxic because of their other friends/boyfriends... the problem doesn't seem to be her, but the people she chooses to associate with.

I would say that honesty is the best policy-- just tell her what you've said here and see what she says. Stress that you really think she's a fantastic person and a really good friend but you're worried about some of the people she spends her time with.

I guess it's probably hard to take the initiative but if I were you I wouldn't cut someone really nice out of my life ever... I would try to help them.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Yea tough one...
Have you /can you - explain your concerns?
Maybe ask her to go do something where the 2 of you wont be around people like that?
On the other hand, maybe that's her type of crowd?
Don't forget, you say she trust's and befriends everyone. You included.

It's a difficult choice, especially when you find someone you care about. All I can say is don't change who you are just to be around her, and be careful.
Good luck.
 
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