Is he just shy or not interested?

InvisaLady

InvisaLady

Well-known member
Okay, I need some more advice. The guy I have been seeing I really like but I'm not sure of what he wants out of this. He always seems eager to go out with me and spend time together but he has not made any real effort to show any real affection. So far it has just been 2 handshakes and 1 hug, not even a peck on the cheek. I know it might help if I initiated some closer physical contact but the opportunities have been few and far between.
So I guess my question is how can I tell if he is just too shy to try something of just wants to be buddies?
 
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Razzlecherry

Banned
If I was him I'd probably be questioning if you were interested or not, so maybe that's how he feels. So he's afraid to make for an awkward situation if it turns out you weren't interested. But I don't really know.
 
InvisaLady

InvisaLady

Well-known member
Well, he's already told me he is a bit shy. But I still feel kind of like he might be going out with me just to have someone to go out with.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Another thing I would do is to be honest and tell him I'm interested, and then ask him how he feels. Who knows? That might work for you too (?)
 
lonelee1

lonelee1

Well-known member
Maybe you should initiate and see what happens. playfully assert that you're both shy, see what he says
 
girlinthecorner

girlinthecorner

Active member
That sounds like my friend. He'd go out with girls that he pretty much knew were interested in him and he wasn't into at all but he'd just want someone to hang out with. But, yeah, I'd talk to him about it if I were you.
 
kilojoule

kilojoule

1
He wouldn't ask you out if he wasn't interested. It sounds like he's shy or wants to take things slowly.:) sounds like a nice guy! I suggest next time you give him a peck on the cheek and we can guage his response. When are you seeing him again?
 
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Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
Maybe he's thinking the exact same thing as you. Both of you could be waiting for the other to initiate something and take things to the next level. One of you is going to have to go for it, so you just need to decide if it's going to be you. You say:

I know it might help if I initiated some closer physical contact but the opportunities have been few and far between.
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but wouldn't that mean that the opportunities for him to initiate have been equally few and far between?

I think you should just go for it. At the end of the next date, just go in for a kiss rather than a handshake/hug and see what reaction you get. At least then you'll know one way or the other.
 
InvisaLady

InvisaLady

Well-known member
Most of the time there has been a table between us. My real problem with going in for the kiss myself would be height. If I were a bit taller, it would be no problem.


I can't even be sure there will be a next time. I always seem to be the one who has to say "you want to go out sometime?"
I really hate feeling as though I am pressuring him.
 
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Amitush123

Well-known member
InvisaLady said:
Most of the time there has been a table between us. My real problem with going in for the kiss myself would be height. If I were a bit taller, it would be no problem.


I can't even be sure there will be a next time. I always seem to be the one who has to say "you want to go out sometime?"
I really hate feeling as though I am pressuring him.
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If he is anything like me, he might never have the guts to ask you out. I say go for it! :) :)
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
Hellhound said:
I would go straight to the point and ask him if he's shy. But that's probably a bad idea C:
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I agree with this.

Don't beat around the bush. The way to get to know what someone is thinking is to be up front and honest with how you feel.

If you are wondering something, ask him. It saves a ton of time and you avoid that ridiculous guessing game of dating - god, I hate that game.

What's weird about me is I have a really big fear of approaching women. The thing is that once I start talking to them I am able to ask them about anything and ask for what I want. Weird, I know.
 
JuiceB

JuiceB

Well-known member
Hellhound said:
Another thing I would do is to be honest and tell him I'm interested, and then ask him how he feels. Who knows? That might work for you too (?)
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This. Ask him if he's interested in going out to a movie or a bite to eat.
 
InvisaLady

InvisaLady

Well-known member
I guess that nobody bothers to read that I have already asked him out and we have been out 3 times. The problem is he is showing no affection. It always ends with, handshake, goodnight and I will talk to you again. Then I always have to be the one to message and ask if he wants to go out again.

I am sorry to say that I am not looking for just a buddy.
 
mismeek

mismeek

Well-known member
two handshakes?? Someone who gives out handshakes usually aren't interested in a more intimate relationship.
 
InvisaLady

InvisaLady

Well-known member
mismeek said:
two handshakes?? Someone who gives out handshakes usually aren't interested in a more intimate relationship.
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See, that was what I was thinking. But then he admitted to being shy and not too experienced in relationships, with a few bad experiences. Then I wondered if he just is not comfortable with public displays of affection or just wants to go really slow.
God, I wish he would just tell me if he is not interested instead of agreeing to go out multiple times.
 
surewhynot

surewhynot

Well-known member
You should definitely be straightforward with him and express your feelings. Two things can happen : either he feels the same way, and you end up with a boyfriend, either he doesn't, and you don't have to keep stressing over this.
 
InvisaLady

InvisaLady

Well-known member
So, allow me to ask a question to all of the shy men around here. Is there any chance after 3 casual dates, that you would still be too nervous to kiss your date in a public place?
 
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