Is being alone my destiny?

I'm at a real loss. Ever thought about what your life theme may be? Mine is loneliness. I'm really starting to think that my destiny is to be alone....and it scares me. A lot.

I've always had a hard time meeting women. It's a real struggle. Part of it is self confidence but what comes first? Lack of self confidence so you don't get anywhere, or you continually don't get anywhere and as a result have less confidence? Regardless, it's been a real struggle. It's a perpetual cycle.

About me:
I'm skinny, have fair skin, so there's no tan there. I'll be turning 44 soon, but I look 6-8 years younger than I am. In my mind, other than what I've stated, I'm an average looking guy, in the face anyway, even if nothing else. I'm well mannered. I do to others how I want to be treated. I believe in being a gentleman. Even though I'm rather introverted, I can carry at least 50% of a conversation, even if I have a hard time initiating it. I have a pretty good sense of humor and it gets better the more comfortable I am around someone. I have a good career and get paid fairly better than average. I'm fairly well spoken and am at least as smart as the average person.

I have a handful of friends that I've had for 15+ years, but they all live far away. My social circle is zero. I can't get a date to save my life.

I don't know what else to do, so over the past 3 years, I've used several dating sites and gotten no where. I met one person and we went out for 3 months and decided to call it quits. I decided to play the numbers game and in the past month and a half, joined 3 sites. I've reached out to so many profiles, I've lost count. It's been easily 4 or 5 dozen. With the exception of one, I've gotten no response or 3 or 4 "No thanks". I just don't understand it. My profile isn't perverted. It says I try to do the right things. I believe in honesty and integrity. I'm looking for something serious and don't play games. I've thrown some humor in there. I've rewritten it several times but for the life of me don't understand why I can't get a least a little interest from a few. It doesn't seem to matter what I say in it.

I'm seriously starting to believe that it's my destiny for things to be this way. I feel like my clock is ticking and the more time that goes by, the more it's freaking me out. If I can't do it in person, that only leaves the dating sites and they're a massive fail. I just don't understand what is wrong with me and why things have to be this way. I don't mean to sound like I'm having a pity party. I just don't know what to do. Anyone have any words of wisdom?

Dating sites are very tough to successfully meet women. Women, on average, get many more messages than men do, so they have to wade through all of them and can only pick one or two, tops, and that's all subjective to what she's looking for. I had no luck with both eHarmony and Plentyoffish (although I did get a conversation going with the latter), but then again, they have to work because people do get together on these sites.

Having no social circle does make it difficult to meet people, too, because you have no starting point to be introduced to women. However, not all is lost! If you're able to go to the mall, you do get introduced (briefly) to people serving you and maybe even light conversations with other shoppers. Sounds cheesy? Sure is, but the point is that these conversations occur, and you never know where any of them are going to lead.

If you have any specific hobbies, maybe you can join a club/social group/whatever the kids are calling them these days. It may be a good way to meet like-minded people. Even if you're only meeting men, it can still be a good thing that you'll then have a friend - someone to talk to who may know women.

All this sounds like a lot of hogwash, sure, but you just never know how things are going to pan out. You seem like a pretty successful, decent man, so stick to that and I'm sure someone will come by.

P.S. don't turn into a **** because despite the "wisdom," women hate that.

I also think I'll be alone forever.
I don't think I'm attractive. Or great at conversations, unless you get to know me. Then I can hold a convo.

I wouldn't say being alone forever scares me, but it does unsettle me somewhat.
There is so much to enjoy in this world, but you may as well not see it if you dont have anyone to see it with. A big part of tasting life's riches, is having someone to taste them with you.Then they are so much better.
/sigh...

MikeyC said:

Dating sites are very tough to successfully meet women. Women, on average, get many more messages than men do, so they have to wade through all of them and can only pick one or two, tops, and that's all subjective to what she's looking for. I had no luck with both eHarmony and Plentyoffish (although I did get a conversation going with the latter), but then again, they have to work because people do get together on these sites.

Having no social circle does make it difficult to meet people, too, because you have no starting point to be introduced to women. However, not all is lost! If you're able to go to the mall, you do get introduced (briefly) to people serving you and maybe even light conversations with other shoppers. Sounds cheesy? Sure is, but the point is that these conversations occur, and you never know where any of them are going to lead.

If you have any specific hobbies, maybe you can join a club/social group/whatever the kids are calling them these days. It may be a good way to meet like-minded people. Even if you're only meeting men, it can still be a good thing that you'll then have a friend - someone to talk to who may know women.

All this sounds like a lot of hogwash, sure, but you just never know how things are going to pan out. You seem like a pretty successful, decent man, so stick to that and I'm sure someone will come by.

P.S. don't turn into a **** because despite the "wisdom," women hate that.

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Thanks. Good advice, I suppose. It's been bad for a long time. I just moved to a really small town with no clubs or social groups that I know of, so that makes things even worse.

First ,
between these millions of years you have given 100 year to you , you cant even keep your self up in these 100 years ? dont take things too seriously .
second , online dating is just a tool for women to meet sexy men , if you are not a woman nor a sexy man , leave it or your self worth will get hit hardly and you will think no woman want you .

Ways to meet women :
Go events , Go verseas and get a bride , Join some activities , etc .

whatisitabout said:

Thanks. Good advice, I suppose. It's been bad for a long time. I just moved to a really small town with no clubs or social groups that I know of, so that makes things even worse.

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Moving to a small town can make it difficult, sure, but not impossible. I hope I was able to help somewhat. I wish you luck in your endeavour to find someone.

strongman said:

First ,
between these millions of years you have given 100 year to you , you cant even keep your self up in these 100 years ? dont take things too seriously .
second , online dating is just a tool for women to meet sexy men , if you are not a woman nor a sexy man , leave it or your self worth will get hit hardly and you will think no woman want you .

Ways to meet women :
Go events , Go verseas and get a bride , Join some activities , etc .

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I will give some leeway here because of a language barrier, but a couple of things:

• 
  It's hard to keep yourself "up" for 100 years, assuming you even live that long. Even the most happiest, luckiest, optimistic people have tragedies and pitfalls throughout their lives.

• Online dating is more than just a tool for women to meet sexy men. Men want to meet women, too.

• Going overseas to buy a woman will be rife with danger, and morally incomprehensible (for me, at least).

I pretty much feel the same way. I figure If I'm still alone and a virgin by 30, I'm very likely to die that way. That said, there is a part of me that could live with that. More often than not, I prefer to be alone but It would be nice to experience what being in a "relationship" is like. Oh well, guess its just my lot in life.

PugofCrydee said:

I also think I'll be alone forever.
I don't think I'm attractive. Or great at conversations, unless you get to know me. Then I can hold a convo.

I wouldn't say being alone forever scares me, but it does unsettle me somewhat.
There is so much to enjoy in this world, but you may as well not see it if you dont have anyone to see it with. A big part of tasting life's riches, is having someone to taste them with you.Then they are so much better.
/sigh...

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what is wrong with the women of your country?!

Only if you think it is. Surround yourself with positive peope and stay away from the ones who aren't.

I don't think anyone is distined to be alone. I believe everyone's life is for the sake of happiness and love.

Keep thinking posiitve and that'll draw positive into yur life. I wish you the best of luck!

Loneliness doesn't have to be your destiny. I'm taking first steps in trying to better my situation and hopefully in a few years I can be married with children. I would love that tremendously because right now that seems impossible at the situation I am currently.

I live in Arkansas... Just go to wal-mart, great poster for abstinance !! Scary !!

Don't give up though, I am 49 and have had a 20 year old girl staying with me for 5 months now. She hates guy's her age, they can't take care of themselves, let alone her. I met her from a different forum... So you just never know ?? I have been alone for 21 years, and had given up looking years ago... But again, you never know.

Alienated said:

I am 49 and have had a 20 year old girl staying with me for 5 months now.

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You're .... you're..... you're my hero dude awesome! I reckon if I'm ever divorced I'm gonna find me some 18 yr old mail order bride from wherezitstan or sumdamplace or maybe Iowa.... Why not?

I'm in a similar situation, but lately I've been taking workshops, courses at evening schools, and things like that (3-8 weekly sessions for very reasonable prices), and in every group there has always been at least one unmarried attractive woman (a different one every time). That can be a solution - by the last session you know each other well enough to move to the next step, and you already know that you share at least one interest. If only I could find the nerve to move to the next step.

jc972 said:

You're .... you're..... you're my hero dude awesome! I reckon if I'm ever divorced I'm gonna find me some 18 yr old mail order bride from wherezitstan or sumdamplace or maybe Iowa.... Why not?

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Saul Goodman said:

You've been out of circulation awhile, you'll be amazed at what's out there ... Thailand, Czech Republic ... those women are just so grateful to even be here!

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_____________________

Being alone? Could be worse. Marooned on a island overpopulated with teletubbies.

Kiwong said:

Being alone? Could be worse. Marooned on a island overpopulated with teletubbies.

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:bigsmile: Don't why this made me laugh-out-loud for no apparent reason.

Kiwong said:

Being alone? Could be worse. Marooned on a island overpopulated with teletubbies.

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What's scary is after being on that island for long enough, you'd start to act..speak...think like a Teletubbie...

Maybe you'd find a nice Teletubbie girl to settle down with..start a family...of..Teletubbies..

PugofCrydee said:

What's scary is after being on that island for long enough, you'd start to act..speak...think like a Teletubbie...

Maybe you'd find a nice Teletubbie girl to settle down with..start a family...of..Teletubbies..

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I'd probably just walk into the ocean and wait to either drown or a shark to eat me rather than suffer that fate.

It's hard to keep yourself "up" for 100 years,

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when you will be on the death bed , you will wish you have more chance , at that time you will know how 100 year is really go fast .

Online dating is more than just a tool for women to meet sexy men. Men want to meet women, too.

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Men want to meet women too , but online dating is for sexy and funny men not for someone with SA. he have no chance there unless he lower his standards to almost 0 which I am sure he dont want to be with some alcoholic /semi wh0re woman .