intrusive thoughts pocd please respond

Today is a bad day i suffer from pocd (lets just say it include fear of physically abusing and sexually abusing children)

i was physically/sexually abused as a child/teen

what if because i was abused il end up abusing??
surely im having these thoughts because im capable of doing it?
why is there a constant groinial response even when im not even having an intrusive thought?
should i be keeping my thoughts a secret from others surely im just lying to everyone about who i am?
will i ever have control of this?

Iv had this on/off for a year what is the onset age of peadophilia ?? i just dont understand how i could all of a sudden be one grrr i would never want to harm anyone but then i have a voice saying i do

its unbearable today pleas help me through today xx

First of all.. You're not a pedophile. you should get proffesional help though.
I have the exact same problem but I know I would never touch or want to think about touching a child.
That's why they are "intrusive" thoughts.
I don't believe you're a pedophile.. You're just OCD and you don't know how to handle it.
Google counselor offices on your town. Call them and ask about prices. Mine was 35 for a counselor's hour and 45 for a doctor visit (to get me on medication)
PRAY ABOUT IT.
Ask God to give you peace of mind.

hello thank you for your reply i cant afford a counsellor as i can barely afford to pay the bills however i have brought a book thats called obssessive compulsive thinking say if my ocd excuse is just covering up a fact i would rather chop my hands off before i strike a child i just hate thate i know tomoro will be yet another struggle im exhausted mentally with this overthinking one minute im fine and know im not a peadophile the next iv convinced myself i am im so tired i wish god would just tell me if i am or not so il know what to do about it i wish someone could tell me my future so i know wether il hurt someone or not that way if i dont i can make my life

iv prayed and prayed and prayed somemore i feel like noone is listening iv even tried to beg my guardian angel for help but i dont feel any sort of spiritual presence i feel its because they know im sick and have left me and have sentence me to hell because i will end up being and doing bad things

Hi AloneThinker,

Take several deep breaths. You sound like you're in panic mode. I've been there myself, and when I get that way, I get so obsessed with the bad, that I can't see anything else.

I'm certainly not an expert, but my responses to your questions are:

- It's possible but it's NOT a given. Even if you were inclined that way--and I really don't think you are--it's your choice, and you're choosing not to.

- People think of things that they're not capable of doing all the time. You're thinking about this a lot more than is normal, but it DOESN'T mean you are capable of or will act on these thoughts.

- As for the 'groinal response', I think you're just psyching yourself out. Happens to people all the time when you obsessively think about something. I don't have POCD--just mild OCD--but even I experience this sort of thing. If you concentrate on any body part, you can convince yourself of a response. I tend to concentrate on my hands and convince myself they feel "off" and it gets worse the more I think about it.

- That's a tough one. Just the mention of abusing kids is going to freak ppl out. Honestly, I think the average person isn't going to understand that you're having these obsessive thoughts because of POCD, so I wouldn't share them with just anyone. Talk to a therapist, a professional.

- Yes, you will! But you need help. Find a therapist.

Have you checked out this site: The Other OCD - A Resource Guide for Purely Obessional OCD (Pure-O) - A Less-Understood Form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Looks like it could be useful.

Good luck to you.

thank you for your reply its just last night my mind was saying that you will do it you watch but it wasnt my own mind saying it it was like a demon voice i picture myself hitting a boy then transformed the boy into a punchbag that helped so what i may do is when i see myself hurting a child just transform the child into an object that i can hurt and punch my anger into and thats a punchbag ... i want to have children but live in fear .... i cant wait for all the little moments of my childs life just scared because that will be the moment of judgement i just cant stand lying to people they think im so nice yet if they knew of my thoughts their opinions will change thats why i feel they should know that im a fraud
i cant afford counselling and if i could there is no way im admitting these thoughts to my gp no way my groinial responses have eased immensely i just go through phases of them the thoughts are easing its just i cant stand the guilt of having them in the first place and the fact that im a fraud grrrrr x

Some therapists will charge based on what you can afford. My regular therapist does that. Also, even if you can't afford to go regularly, maybe just one session? It's a start, and it's so important. You need help to get through this.

I'm going to start seeing a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist soon and the one that's been recommended (they're expert at it) is expensive. I can't really afford it. At first, I thought 'no, can't do it. too expensive.', but then I realized--it's too important. This my life. There is no second chance. I need help or this will never change. I'll do whatever it takes to get the $ together to pay for it. Even then, I don't think I'll be able to afford more than one session a month. But I'm going to do it. It's too important.

btw (about you feeling like your prayers aren't heard) try praying for other people who need help.
Selfish praying isn't always the right thing.
NO prayers go unheard.

you look like you're vain because you're pretty