browncoats
New member
Hi Everyone 
My name's Christina and I just joined this forum because after months of suffering from agoraphobia I just needed to vent it out to people who understood my condition and could give me tips on how to get better... I feel really alone in this because not many people around me really understand what I'm going through. I don't think they understand because it has become gradually worse over the past 3 years (even more so the past 6 months) and before that I was totally fine.
Ever since I was in high school I always had a fear of being embarrassed in class by either my stomach making gurgling noises or accidentally farting or something. It wasn't so bad though because I would just make sure I ate something substantial before, and after that I was totally fine. University was Ok too. I had no problems going about by myself, heading on long journeys or even being in crowds. I did always prefer to sit at the side when in a group but I wasn't too bothered about it. Only recently when I moved to London and started post graduate school things started to change. I went from worrying about my stomach making noise to worrying about getting a stomach ache or panic attack in class and not being able to get out of the classroom. I could not sit anywhere other than at the back or by the door so I could make a 'quick escape'. After a while I had a really bad experience on a bus where I suffered a really bad stomach ache and had to run off the bus and find a nearby bathroom which was hard. Ever since then, my paranoia has gotten much worse. And for someone living in the busy city of London trying to look for a job, this has become a huge problem. I constantly fear that I could be caught anywhere where there are no bathrooms. It started with just class but soon got much worse to the point where I could no longer take car trips or bus trips. The tube was definitely out. I look back now and remember when I used to casually take a 40 minute bus ride through heavy traffic to class and now the thought of that makes me queasy. To make it worse, a couple months after that when I finished my post graduate degree, I started having a series of bad panic attacks when I was out by myself. I still remember all these events very clearly in my head and I think it has begun to blur out all of the times when my paranoia was not a problem. I am now at the point where I am stuck at home, too scared to leave. Just walking to the supermarket down the road scares me. The worry that I may get another panic attack or suffer a sudden bad stomach ache makes me just not want to go out at all which is horrible. It's even hindered my job searching process because after staying at home for 6 months with no classes and no job, I've become very reluctant to go out. I'm living with my boyfriend at the moment and though he tries to be understanding I can tell he sometimes finds my agoraphobia a pain. It takes a lot of effort to just go out and see a movie with me. My friends probably also find me annoying because I don't go out anymore. It sucks because I used to be able to take 13 hour flights back and fourth by myself with no problems and now, the last time I took a flight, I basically had to take sleeping pills to knock myself out so I didn't panic. The combination of claustrophobia and agoraphobia really sucks.
I wish I had money to go see a shrink about this because I desperately want to get better and start living the life I had 3 years ago when I wasn't worried about my body betraying me at the worst moments. I'm hoping that by reading through threads on this forum and talking with more people I can slowly rid my brain of worries and fears. Sorry about the long post, I just needed to put my thoughts down somewhere.
Thanks for reading
My name's Christina and I just joined this forum because after months of suffering from agoraphobia I just needed to vent it out to people who understood my condition and could give me tips on how to get better... I feel really alone in this because not many people around me really understand what I'm going through. I don't think they understand because it has become gradually worse over the past 3 years (even more so the past 6 months) and before that I was totally fine.
Ever since I was in high school I always had a fear of being embarrassed in class by either my stomach making gurgling noises or accidentally farting or something. It wasn't so bad though because I would just make sure I ate something substantial before, and after that I was totally fine. University was Ok too. I had no problems going about by myself, heading on long journeys or even being in crowds. I did always prefer to sit at the side when in a group but I wasn't too bothered about it. Only recently when I moved to London and started post graduate school things started to change. I went from worrying about my stomach making noise to worrying about getting a stomach ache or panic attack in class and not being able to get out of the classroom. I could not sit anywhere other than at the back or by the door so I could make a 'quick escape'. After a while I had a really bad experience on a bus where I suffered a really bad stomach ache and had to run off the bus and find a nearby bathroom which was hard. Ever since then, my paranoia has gotten much worse. And for someone living in the busy city of London trying to look for a job, this has become a huge problem. I constantly fear that I could be caught anywhere where there are no bathrooms. It started with just class but soon got much worse to the point where I could no longer take car trips or bus trips. The tube was definitely out. I look back now and remember when I used to casually take a 40 minute bus ride through heavy traffic to class and now the thought of that makes me queasy. To make it worse, a couple months after that when I finished my post graduate degree, I started having a series of bad panic attacks when I was out by myself. I still remember all these events very clearly in my head and I think it has begun to blur out all of the times when my paranoia was not a problem. I am now at the point where I am stuck at home, too scared to leave. Just walking to the supermarket down the road scares me. The worry that I may get another panic attack or suffer a sudden bad stomach ache makes me just not want to go out at all which is horrible. It's even hindered my job searching process because after staying at home for 6 months with no classes and no job, I've become very reluctant to go out. I'm living with my boyfriend at the moment and though he tries to be understanding I can tell he sometimes finds my agoraphobia a pain. It takes a lot of effort to just go out and see a movie with me. My friends probably also find me annoying because I don't go out anymore. It sucks because I used to be able to take 13 hour flights back and fourth by myself with no problems and now, the last time I took a flight, I basically had to take sleeping pills to knock myself out so I didn't panic. The combination of claustrophobia and agoraphobia really sucks.
I wish I had money to go see a shrink about this because I desperately want to get better and start living the life I had 3 years ago when I wasn't worried about my body betraying me at the worst moments. I'm hoping that by reading through threads on this forum and talking with more people I can slowly rid my brain of worries and fears. Sorry about the long post, I just needed to put my thoughts down somewhere.
Thanks for reading
