Instant messages: why for...?

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April72

Well-known member
I can't understand what is the purpose for someone who doesn't know you and write an instant message.
I think there is the board, prívate messages if you want to contact or meet someone.

A different story is when you already meet an user.

What happen? Are there many people who feel that contacting an avoidant can be funny? Are we easy only because we in secret want to interact and meet people but we don't feel confident to do it? Do you think that because we are avoidants are moré prone to be taken advantage on? :idontknow:
 
kihira

kihira

1
I think its just that some ppl like to start up a conversation via IM (for its immediacy), rather than PMs, which is more like correspondence. You can switch off the IM if its too annoying
 
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April72

Well-known member
I understand it in the case two users already meet each other.

It doesn't bother to me, I'm only wondering questions.
 
M

Missing

Well-known member
I think it's easier for people who suffer the same to initiate a chat. I think it's great that they worked up the courage to do so. After many positive exchanges via chats, they may be able to move on to starting a conversation with someone in person.

I can't see why someone would do it for malicious intent. Most people here suffer the same things you do.
 
emptybench

emptybench

Well-known member
Well, I contact by IM because it's more like real life conversation. You don't have to wait like an email. It's also easier talking to people from SPW in general, they tend to be very nice here. Now, it has nothing to do with taking advantage, the idea is making friends.
 
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April72

Well-known member
Ok. Perhaps, I'm being a little paranoical.
Anyway, i don't think noone can take advantage of an avoidant though. We can be sensitive but we are extremely protected from the outside.
 
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bsammy

Well-known member
i understand the purpose behind IMs on this site but really have never understood the purpose behind being 'friends' with people..what purpose does it serve exactly?maybe im missing something..other non social phobe sites do this as well and it doesnt seem to serve a purpose..
 
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April72

Well-known member
Well, I'm gonna explain it to you.
Believe it or not, i only have two real friends. So, any friendship even when it is online is welcome.

I have a friend on line who is also an avoidant and he helps me a lot when I have a problem. I also like to think that I help him. Not sure about it though.
We also share jokes, thoughts... It's nice to feel someone close.
I met him in an avoidant forum. All my online friends are avoidants, in this way, we don't bother each other because we know how AvPD is.
 
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Aylaa

Well-known member
bsammy said:
i understand the purpose behind IMs on this site but really have never understood the purpose behind being 'friends' with people..what purpose does it serve exactly?maybe im missing something..other non social phobe sites do this as well and it doesnt seem to serve a purpose..
Click to expand...

are you talking about the purpose of online friends or just friends in general?
I don't think everything needs to have a purpose.....
But with friends, even online "friends", it can be good to just have someone to talk to.
 
Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
It's a good way to reach out and it's much easier than text messaging. Obviously it's not for everyone, because not everyone feels comfortable with the pressure of sending an IM and the fear of not getting a reply. I've never really used it, but I'm always online when I open SPW.
 
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bsammy

Well-known member
Aylaa said:
are you talking about the purpose of online friends or just friends in general?
I don't think everything needs to have a purpose.....
But with friends, even online "friends", it can be good to just have someone to talk to.
Click to expand...

i mean when someone send you a friend request on this forum and u accept them as friends..i understand chatting with online friens but ive never understood the purpose of friend requests..you can still IM or PM people without being their friends so maybe im just confused..i can kind of understand for this site but even on non social anxiety sites(like true crime sites)there is this option as well..
 
A

April72

Well-known member
bsammy said:
i mean when someone send you a friend request on this forum and u accept them as friends..i understand chatting with online friens but ive never understood the purpose of friend requests..you can still IM or PM people without being their friends so maybe im just confused..i can kind of understand for this site but even on non social anxiety sites(like true crime sites)there is this option as well..
Click to expand...

Yeah. I can see what you mean. I've got a friend who I don't know. And it's quite tough when someone can come into your page and see that you only have a friend.
 
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Aylaa

Well-known member
bsammy said:
i mean when someone send you a friend request on this forum and u accept them as friends..i understand chatting with online friens but ive never understood the purpose of friend requests..you can still IM or PM people without being their friends so maybe im just confused..i can kind of understand for this site but even on non social anxiety sites(like true crime sites)there is this option as well..
Click to expand...

Ah then I agree with you, I don't see the point of friend requests on a forum either. On Facebook, yes, but on a forum, nope...
 
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Darryl

Well-known member
I remember years ago I received a instant chat request to which i replied.
I wasn't able to carry on a conversation although i did try but allot of the times i didn't know how to answer a stranger... in the end the person got annoyed with me (maybe she didn't know avies struggle with the social thing lol) and shut me down.

Seemed like I had to be fast typing and very social. i have done it a fair bit on facebook now but thats with people i know and are easy on me.
 
Sammie_Kay

Sammie_Kay

Well-known member
I enjoy the IMs on this site. I used to rarely check it but since I made some friends on here and talk on IM, I keep coming back.
 
A

April72

Well-known member
Sammie_Kay said:
I enjoy the IMs on this site. I used to rarely check it but since I made some friends on here and talk on IM, I keep coming back.
Click to expand...

It's fine. But when you already know the person. What's the point in talking with a strange person on line?
Time is gold, how the hell we are going to spend it with someone who perhaps only want to flirt with you or who knows, perhaps is a psychopath or a narcissist who wants to take advantage of you.

I'm being paranoical again. I only care of people who has psychological problems and the last they need is to be affected.
 
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